Wednesday, July 27, 2005

My hubby

Have you ever loved someone so much that it hurt? Not physically, but it made your heart sick to be away from that person. After 6 years together you still get butterflies in your tummy when you see them. You still get excited to get to spend time with them? I have and I feel very fortunate to have experienced it and it scares me to death sometime when I am faced with the inevitable, the loss of that person. I have talked briefly about my hubby here before, but nothing in depth.

As I was ironing clothes last night for work and he was in the bathroom grooming himself in the mirror I had a horrifying thought. Horrifying thoughts seem to plague me more now that I am pregnant and extremely hormonal. Yesterday was especially bad for those thoughts. Anyway as I was ironing and talking to my husband a grim reality hit me, something that I try not to think about too often, but yet it creeeps in my mind still. My husband is a diabetic and has been since he was 11. He has battled with a malfunctioning pancreas most of his life. He will be 36 years old soon, which means that he has battled this dragon for 25 years. Diabetes is such a horrible disease that is completely controllable, but not curable. It is a silent dragon, it lays in wait, just waiting for the perfect time to strike. Of course you monitor your blood sugar and take the necessary amount of insulin to keep your body functioning, but it is busy doing it's damage undetected.

I wonder if my husband will be the one to lose his eye sight or a leg or his kidneys. Or worse yet, have a stroke or heart attack and never recover. I wonder if I will be a young widow of if we will have many more years together. I wonder if he will be here long enough to see his children graduate from high school and give his daughter away at her wedding. I try not to think about these things too often, I try to just enjoy our time together, but these things have plagued my thoughts lately. I do not discuss these things with my husband because as soon as he brings it up I turn into a bawling mess. He always says that he has been lucky so far and he is waiting for the other shoe to drop. The other shoe being a complication caused from this disease. I know it has to be a constant in his thoughts, yet he hardly ever speaks of it. When he does I just reassure him that I love him and I married him in sickness and in health and if the sickness comes I will be right by his side to get him through it.

Monday, July 25, 2005

Christmas in July

Okay is really July 25? That is the date on all my calenders and the weather here certainly feels like the end of July. Yet when I get to work this morning and turn on my radio they are playing holiday music, CHRISTMAS HOLIDAY music! I listen to the light rock station at work because they play "safe" music for the office, but c'mon people Christmas music in July, WTF? Get with the program people.

Tuesday, July 19, 2005

What I did on my summer vacation

As promised, what I did on my summer vacation. First of all let me give you the specifics. My family including me, hubby, child, mother-in-law and sister-in-law renting a condo near the beach, not quite in walking distance this year, for a week. Well it was in walking distance if you like to walk very far carrying beach chairs and a cooler in the blistering hot sun, but that is beside the point. Last year we were much closer to the beach, but we did not go the week of July 4th and we did not wait until the last minute to book it. It is a great little stretch of beach along 30-A in beautiful south Walton County, Florida.

We had planned to leave at 10 on Saturday morning. That would have put us in our condo about 4 that afternoon depending on how much the pregnant lady (me) had to stop and pee. 10 o'clock came and went and in-laws were no where to be found. Finally at 10:30 they call, only 10 minutes away, yippee!!! That only puts us nearly an hour behind. Well they get there, we get ready to go, house is all locked up, cars all packed. Away we go! Well after we stop for in-laws to get gas and ice oh yeah and Dunkin' Donuts, can't leave for vacation without that. Needless to say hubby was pissed and pouting, which makes for a great fun car ride. We drive for hours and of course hubby and I are getting hungry because we didn't want anything at DD, believe it or not we had eaten breakfast while we were waiting on them to get to the house.

We go through Columbus, sister-in-law calls to see if we want to stop. We tell her yes that we are hungry, lunch would be nice. So they just keep driving. An hour later, we call them back and tell them that we have to stop somewhere because I have to go potty. So they stop at this dirty little gas station and I go potty and get some chips because I am STARVING, I know I might have mentioned that earlier but just stay with me. Finally about 30 minutes after the gas station we get to another town and stop there to eat at McD's. Apparently everyone else going to the beach stopped there also. I have never been to a busier McD's in my life, the food wasn't good, but I was so hungry I barely noticed. All aboard, next stop condo near the beach!

As we got closer, the traffic got worse. We were eventually sitting in barely moving traffic only about 20 minutes from our destination, but it took us more than an our to get there. Hubby was beginning to get ill and I was restless. I hate riding in the car for a long time, it just makes me crazy! Finally we get there, the condo is great. You park underneath, then have stairs to walk to the main level, then stairs to the bedroom. Stairs are not a good thing for a pregnant woman, an older woman with bad knees and a severely energetic 8 year old child. Not to mention we packed like we were moving and hubby had to carry all that stuff up 2 flights of stairs.

Yeah that was only the beginning. The rest of the week really wasn't any better. I will give you a quick rundown. Sunday, our first full day of vacation. We slept late then went down to the beach and I sat in my chair at the edge of the water reading my book, peace at last. Peace that is until later that day when my poor feet began to hurt and swell because of the severe sunburn. I think I had like third degree burns on my feet. It has been 2 weeks and they are still red and itchy! The agony of hurting feet was just horrible. I cried nearly everyday (mostly when I was by myself or with hubby) and I really don't think anyone understood how bad my feet were hurting, especially my hubby. It hurt to put on shoes, it hurt to walk, it hurt to sit still. I sat in the condo with them propped up most of the week. By Tuesday afternoon I was ready to come home. I wanted to go to my doctor and have them make the pain go away. It made the entire rest of the trip awful. I also realized on this trip that I need to be on medication to keep myself sane and to help the others around me survive on a daily basis. That will be one of the first things I do after I birth this baby and wean him from nursing.

Tuesday I went out to the beach for a little while, feet still hurting of course. We had a tent that I sat under so it wasn't as bad. Wednesday tropical storm Cindy came through that morning. It blew the patio chairs up against the windows and rained like crazy. The sky was angry, but by lunchtime it was gone. The ocean was extremely rough so we did not even go to the beach that day. The storm also blew our tent down and broke it, so there went my shade for the rest of the week. I spent the afternoon shopping with the in-laws while hubby took the child to play mini golf and ride go carts and play arcade games. I did enjoy that afternoon. I got some new clothes and shoes. That always makes me feel better, new stuff for me!!! By that night the swelling was going down in my feet and they were not hurting quite as bad.

Thursday we took a little cruise over to an island that is undeveloped. It was beautiful! White sand, shells, birds, dunes, just the way a beach should be. It was surrounded on one side by the gulf and the other side by this lagoon. We picked up lots of shells and had a picnic lunch. We also saw a seahorse that had washed up on the beach. A real like seahorse. He was still moving so after we snapped a few pictures of him hubby scooped him up on a seashell and tossed him back into the sea. On the cruise over and back we saw dolphins!

Friday we got up and watched the weather channel, everyone was keeping an eye on Hurrican Dennis. The in-laws were already at the beach so we got dressed and decided that we would go for a bit, since it was our last full day. We got there and they had changed the flags to red, meaning no swimming. A fireman met us on the beach access bridge to ask us to please leave the beach and the area. A voluntary evacuation had been issued for the area. The hurricane was expected to hit the area on Sunday morning. WHOOPEE! So we proceeded to walk down to the beach and get the in-laws and all of our beach stuff and head back to the condo to pack up and prepare to leave. We went to get gas before going back to the condo, we waited in line 20 minutes at the gas station to get gas and of course they were out of regular unleaded we had to get the expensive stuff. I am just glad that we got gas then. We had planned to eat in Panama City that night, which was about an hour from where we stayed. So we kept with our original plan and headed to PC to eat before we go on the road back home. We were extremely lucky that we did go to PC to eat, which put us on a different highway leading home. A less crowded highway. By the time we got on the road, most of the gas stations were out of gas.

After 2 stops to potty and plenty of nodding off at the wheel we got home, it was 3:30 in the morning on Saturday morning. I have never been so happy to be home. After a few hours of sleep I was up and unpacking. We are still not completely unpacked, maybe I can finish that grueling task this weekend. Around lunchtime on Saturday my bestest friend brought my dog home. I missed my dog, but I don't think that she missed us. She has been sad and mopey to be home. I think she misses her other family, with their dog and small child and farm.

So there it is in a nutshell, my summer vacation. I can't really say that I had a great time or even a relaxing time. Next year will have to be better. Maybe I will be back on the meds and it will be just wonderful!

Wednesday, July 13, 2005

Looking the part

Okay so I officially look pregnant. I have thought that I looked pregnant for a while now, but you know how some people just look fat and it leaves you wondering. Well people wonder no more about me. It looks like I swallowed a soccer ball! It almost happened overnight. One day I just looked pudgy them BAM, I began to look very much pregnant. I am carrying my baby very low, so my belly isn't propping up my boobs! I haven't gotten big enough to pop out my cute little belly button yet, but I have a feeling it won't be too much longer.
I can really feel the baby move now. My hubby got to feel him move while we were on vacation. It is such a wonderful feeling. He usually really starts moving after I eat and sit down to relax. We are talking and reading to the baby and playing music for him.

Now that we know what he is, we have to pick out the nursery theme. We have picked out some really cute ones that we like. I will let you know as soon as we decide.

I think I have finally gotten to the good part of my pregnancy. No more nausea!!!!!!!!!!!!

Monday, July 11, 2005

I'm back from vacation

Rest and relaxation...was not what I got on vacation. Instead I got stress and anxiety and SEVERELY sunburned feet, despite the gallon of sunscreen that I bathed myself in. I had a miserable time, probably because of the pain in my feet. I find it hard to relax and have fun when I am in excrutiating pain. Not to mention the fact that I am pregnant and moody didn't help the vacation at all. We arrived on Saturday and by Wednesday I was ready to come home. I will give you the details of all the fun things we did later! Just know that when I say that I am glad to be back, I really mean it.

Friday, July 01, 2005

Rest and relaxation

I am so excited. It is finally here, VACATION! We are leaving in the morning and will return on next Saturday. I will not have access to a computer or the internet while I am gone, so I will miss you all. I hope you will miss me too. I will be relaxing on the beach with a great book and my wonderful family. Have a great July 4th and an even better week.