25 years ago...

Twenty-five years ago this morning my sister D and I had spent the night with my Granny. I remember waking up and laying in my Granny's bed with my sister when the phone rang. I knew who was on the other end and I knew why she was calling. I even told my Granny and sister before my Granny answered. Unfortunately I was right. It was my Mom calling to tell us that my Dad had died early that morning. The cancer had won and my sisters and I were fatherless, my mom was a widow. He was 41.

I have very few memories. I know very little about him. I can only tell my children a little bit about him because that is all I know. I am thinking of sending letters to his sisters asking them to write some stories and send me some pictures of him so that I can piece together his life. I thought once I get all of their stories together I will get my mom to fill in the blank spaces for me and I will compile it into a book for my family. I would like for my children as well as my nieces to know about their grandad.

Today was a sad day for me. I grieved for the loss of my father. I grieved for all the things that I missed out on because I did not have a daddy. I went to the cemetary after work and took an arrangement of flowers, not much else that I can do. I thought the book would be a good tribute for the father that I never really knew.

Did you know???

Did you know that you can actually cough hard enough to break a rib? Well you can, because I did. The babe had a virus a few weeks ago, some horrible strain of something that has been going around. It causes flu-like symptoms, so it has everyone scared. Anywho after a visit to the doctor and swabs and blood tests confirmed it was just a virus. A VERY HORRIBLE VIRUS! Well after the babe had it for a couple of days I got it too. Although I honestly think I felt much worse, maybe it is the 30 year age difference. So after a couple of days of fever, chills, body aches, severely congested head Hubby convinced me to go to the doctor. Well after several tests I was told that it was just a virus, give it 7-10 days and it would be gone. Well 7 days later the sever head congestion was gone, but it had moved into my chest. It was making me cough so bad and so hard that I would literally wet my pants! After a week of coughing this hard my ribs started hurting on the left side. It wasn't a major pain, just felt like maybe a bad bruise. Well everyday the pain was a little worse, until Wednesday night when I could not bend over without crying in pain. I could not cough, or raise my arm above my head. Let's not even talk about sneezing. So yesterday I go back to the doctor, they take x-rays and yes I have a broken rib! So they wrapped me up in this rib belt, which feels a lot like a girdle, gave me some meds and sent me on my way. The doctor told me to just go home and to take today off too, but I just could not do that, so I went back to work yesterday and finished up what I was working on and stayed at home today! I slept until 10:00 this morning, got up ate me a little something, drank my coffee, watched a little T.V., and by 1:30 I was back in bed. I got up around 5 and now I am going to try to find the energy to cook supper. This med makes me very sleepy and honestly I just want to go back to bed, but I feel like such a bum because I have done absolutely nothing all day, but sleep. Happy Friday to me!

I'm back from the abyss

Oh my goodness! Has it really been over a year since my last post? I am so sorry for that. My only excuse is my 3 year old. He keeps me so busy, there is never a dull moment with him around. So much has changed in a year. I have tried to read a few of my favorite blogs, with little success. I feel like I have lost touch with everyone. So I bet you are wondering what has brought me back from the abyss of my life...Well it was actually a concerned blogger that I used to read quite frequently over at the Peanut Gallery. She emailed me today and I felt totally horrible for not writing anything in over a year. There are people that post everyday and some that post multiple times a day, I should at least be good for one post a week! How hard can that be? I am sure most people are probably on Facebook, MySpace, or Twitter. I am on none of the above. I prefer to write anonymously. None of my friends or family know about my blog and I prefer to keep it that way. Then if I want to talk or vent about them, I can and I don't have to worry about hurting their feelings! So what has been happening in the past year? I see that some things in Blogger have changed. I guess blogging is like riding a bike, even though it has been a while, it is all coming back to me now!

Updates on the cast of my life:
The babe is 3 now, he will be 4 in November. He is extremely smart and cute! I have lots of stories to tell about him.

The princess is almost a teenager. She is 2 inches shorter than me and just beautiful! She just started the 8th grade. It is hard to believe how grown up she has gotten.

Hubby is still the love of my life. We will celebrate our 6th anniversary in November! Wow that is a long time.

Granny is doing great at the Nursing Home. She really likes it there. We have had our share of problems since she moved there, but we have gotten everything worked out. I go see her at least once a week. My mom and I are supposed to be taking turns doing her laundry, but Granny told me that she likes it better when I do them because they smell better. She must like the Snuggle fabric softner! I have not told Mom this, I just told her that I really don't mind doing them and it is easier for me to keep up with her clothes if I just do them all!

The rest of my family is about the same, just a year older. I am sure there will be stories to come of them. Anyway, it is great to be posting again and I swear I will try to get out at least one post a week. I really have missed it!

Moving day

Yesterday was moving day. A day that I have dreaded for the past few years, but one that had to come no less. My Granny has moved into a skilled nursing facility, or as most people think of them a nursing home. I am having a really hard time with this move. She has been staying with her nephew and her sister for the past few years, about an hour or so away from her family. Her sister died in May and Granny has gone downhill since then. She has Alzheimers and senile dementia. Those are just the things in her head, she also has osteoarthritis and some other physical ailments. She still knows everyone. The big A has not robbed her of that yet, but it has made her very mean at times and she thinks that everyone is stealing her stuff. At times she seems to have it all together and then there are times she just doesn't. Anyway, she wasgetting aggravated with her nephew and her sister's other children and decided she was ready to come back home and go into the nursing facility.

I have always loved my Granny. When I was little, she was one of my favorite people. I spent nearly every weekend at her house. When I was sick I wanted my Granny. When I was out of school for the summer I was at her house. When my dad died when I was eight, she moved next door to help Mom look after us kids and I moved in with her. She taught me the importance of hard work and the value of a dollar. She also taught me to look for bargains and always shop the clearance racks first. Anything she has ever had, she always said it was mine. I am afterall her favorite. The few years that she spent at her sister's I called her every week and just let her talk and I tried to keep her updated on what was going on with her family.

But being her favorite comes with a price. I got the pleasure of going to pick her up yesterday for the long ride to her new home. I think it helped having the babe with us. He takes the uneasiness out of a lot of situations! I was a nervous wreck yesterday. I did not sleep well Thursday night just anticipating the move. I was off work and had a few errands to run so it was a little after lunchtime when I got there to pick her up. Of course it was raining and extremely windy from that lovely tropical storm Faye. What a wonderful day to be moving! We got to the facility and I met the admissions lady that I have spoken to so much over the past week she knows my voice on the phone. She hugged me when she met me. She knew how this was affecting me. I am sure in her job she deals with this a lot! She took us around and we got to meet Granny's new roommate, a very spry and extremely nice 91 year old lady. She said she was happy to have a roommate and someone to talk to and walk to the dining room with. We had thought about getting Granny a private room, but she has a tendency to get depressed and not come out of her room, so we decided at least with a roommate she would not be alone. After we met her roommate we toured the rest of the facility and met most of the daytime staff. They have a physical therapist, dietician, cosmetologist, and an activities director. Of course they also have RNs and CNAs and a doctor and a PA that are there everyday to check on the patients. Everyone was so nice. She will start her physical therapy sessions on Monday and we are hoping that will help her blood pressure and her feet and legs swelling. They have an aquarium and a huge bird enclosure with about a dozen small birds. There is also a big screened TV in the commons area and we are getting her TV hooked up for her in her room, so she can watch what she wants. It really was not as bad as I had imagined. It has been years since I have visited anyone in a nursing home. My other grandmother was in an assisted living facility and it was a little nicer that where Granny is at, but it also cost a lot more and they do not accept insurance or Medicare. Mom and I got her settled in and put her clothes away and made up her bed. I brought her a quilt from my house and a pillow in a sham to help dress up her bed when she isn't in it. The babe picked out a stuffed elephant for her to put on her bed and sleep with. We got her room all squared away and then we walked her down to the dining room. The do not have a seating chart, but you know how old folks are, they are set in their ways, so after they pick somewhere to sit, that becomes their spot. We asked the dietician where she needed to sit and she was seated at a table with 5 other people. We told her goodbye and left her in the dining room. She told us right before we left that she was fine. At that point it was me that wasn't okay. I did not let her see me cry. I cried all the way back to her room. Mom and I walked out to our cars together and my heart just felt so heavy.

I can reason with myself and tell myself that she is fine and that she is better off there, but a huge part of me feels so guilty for putting her there. There just is not anyone in our family that could deal with her on a daily basis. As much as I love her, I can only take her in small doses. I just cannot take on another person to take care of that would need someone here 24/7 with her. I will have her phone hooked up next week and we will get cable hooked up to her TV. I just want her to be comfortable in her new "home".

What a mess.

We have a major family problem going on now. I was so upset when my sister got pregnant. I have not spoken to her since Christmas. Some people just told me to let sleeping dogs lie, but I just could not stand to even look at her or be around her. Her sweet little angel girl was born on Monday on my sister's birthday. What a birthday present! Only after I went to the hospital to visit did I learn that she and the baby tested positive for drugs. I cannot even begin to express my feelings on the matter. I am working on it, but I am not quite there yet. My mom and oldest sister have the baby for the time being. I am just taking everything one day at a time and watching how this whole situation is going to unfold. Personally I think she needs to be in jail with the baby's daddy and the baby needs to go to a family that will love it and that actually want a baby. I will update later as things unfold. Please just keep my family in your thoughts and prayers as we all deal with this mess.

Sickness

I am so sleepy today. The babe has some sort of cold or allergy thing going on and it is making all of us just miserable. Anytime has has nasal drainage it gags him and makes him throw up. Then he starts crying, which only worsens the situation. I think I slept for maybe 3 hours last night, in 1 hour increments of course. I got the most sleep sitting on the living room floor holding the babe in my lap propped up on tons of pillows. It was not comfy at all, but at least I was able to close my eyes. He has started sneezing this morning which is good because it is getting the gunk out of his head. Everytime he sneezes he yells, "YUCK, NASTY!" Unfortunately for everyone else in our house when the sun came up this morning my sweet little sick boy felt it was the perfect time to start his day, since he hasn't been able to sleep anyway. I think I will wait until Hubby gets up and quietly sneak off to the bedroom for a nice long nap. We had planned to take the babe to see Wall-e today, but we will just have to wait and see how he is feeling later. I know right now he seems okay, but who knows in a few hours how he will be feeling. I am sure just like everything else, this too shall pass.

My little boy

I am sorry that I am such a bad blogger. My life is just so busy that most of the time I have a hard time making time for the things that I enjoy, such as blogging. Anyway, I have not written about the babe in a while so I thought I would update you on his growth and the many milestones that he has passed. He is such a big boy, bot fat, just tall. Actually we have a hard time finding clothes that fit him in the waist and the length. He is slim and tall. He was tall enough (over 3') on vacation to ride in the go cart with me on the wooden track. He had this look on his face but never said that he wanted to get off and he did not cry. I kept my hand on his leg the whole ride and kept asking if he was okay and he was, at least he said he was!

He is so very smart too. He outsmarts us sometimes. He requires an answer to all of his questions, and if you don't give him an acceptable one, he just keeps asking. He knows all of his ABCs by sight and the song. He can also tell you what letter certain words start with. He can read letters off of signs or in books. We are constantly amazed by him. He can carry on a conversation with people. He loves to tell everyone that will listen about his latest toy, whether it be a monster truck or his new best friends from Kung-Fu Panda. Sometimes I wonder where he comes up with this stuff, but I am sure that he has heard it somewhere and just stored it in that huge brain of his. He can "read" books that we have read to him. He can tell you things that happen in movies and on TV shows. We try not to watch too much TV, but it is usually on in the background of our life anyway. At least he is picking up good things from it! He can also count to 20 and beyond. For some reason he has some aversion to the number 6. He usually skips it, but if you show him the number 6 written he knows what it is and where it goes in a sequence. He loves to talk on the phone and he can usually tell who we are talking too, don't ask me how because I have yet to figure that one out.

He orders his own food in restaurants, complete with Sprite and water. That just cracks most of the waitstaff up that he orders for himself. It cracks me up too. He always asks everyone else eating what they are having. His favorite foods are chicken and french fries. He also likes steaks, hot dogs, sauteed mushrooms, rice, mashed potatoes, and almost any kind of peas. He likes most breakfast foods too. I have to keep cherry Pop Tarts in the car because that is what we eat on our commute in the mornings. He will usually eat a half one in the afternoons too.

He can play for hours with his toys. He loves his trains and cars. Just this past week he learned how to take apart his train tracks and put them back together, sometimes in a different pattern. He also loves our dog. He does aggravate her by chasing her with his wheelbarrel or throwing his balls at her or crawling around on the floor with her and disturbing her many naps. He was trying to hug her and love on her this morning and she kept getting away and I could hear him begging her to just please be still so I can love on you. It just makes me smile to hear him be sweet like that. He is sweet for the most part. Unless he is tired, then he can turn in to a little monster, but I will not go into that today. I just want to focus on the good.

He still will not give up his paci, but the time is drawing near that it is just going to disappear or suddenly get a hole in it or something. He amazes most people because even with his paci he talks better that some kids older than him. He still sleeps with us. Sometimes I really miss the days of just putting him in the bed and still having a little time for me, but I so enjoy snuggling with him and being able to watch him sleep. I love that I am the first face that he sees in the morning and he is the first face that I see. It just makes my day so wonderful when he rolls over and snuggles with me and says, "I love you Mommy". It also just melts all my cares away when we are lying in bed at night watching some movie trying to fall asleep and he wants me to hold him and snuggle him to me. It just makes everything in the world seem alright. He still gets excited everyday when I pick him up after work. I ring the doorbell and wait to hear him screaming Mommy, Mommy and hear his little feet running to the door.

Although he is growing and maturing fast, he will always be my little boy!

Death really does come in threes

In the past 3 weeks I have lost 3 people in my life. I always thought that it was crazy when people said that death comes in threes, but in this case it was right on. On May 10th a former co-worker that I still kep in touch with had an aneurysm and she was alive, but we really were not sure how much alive she was. Her family really would not say for sure. I went to see her in the hospital, she was just sleeping, or in a coma really. She was always one of those women who were dressed to the nines with a matching purse and shoes for every outfit she had. She loved to shop! When I got married my thing that was borrowed were her shoes and they were a perfect match for my dress. She looked bad in the hospital, hooked up to all those tubes and she was on the ventilator. I don't usually go see people in the hospital when they are hooked up to all that stuff, it just freaks me out, but I just had to go see her. I went to see her a few times and I kept up with her prognosis from a few of our mutual friends. I went to see her on Thursday, May 15 and on the way there my cousin had texted me and told me that they had to move my Bigmama to hospice.

My Bigmama was my dad's mom. I spent a lot of time at her house growing up. My grandparents owned a farm and my cousin and I would help my Bigmama gather eggs in the afternoons. She kept everything going on that farm, she cooked 3 meals a day and made sure her family was taken care of. After my Grandaddy died 20 years ago, my youngest aunt took over the duty of caring for her and making sure that she had what she needed. Bigmama had a stroke about 8 years ago and lost the use of her right hand, but she learned to walk again and when she got out of the hospital she went to live with my aunt. She lived with my aunt for a year or so, but it just got to be too much, she needed more medical care than my aunt could give so she moved into an assisted living place. She loved it there. They had activities and played bingo. They had church on Sundays and special outings for the residents. Bigmama eventually got to the point that she needed a wheelchair all of the time, so my aunt got her one of those pwer chairs. That was always funny to everyone in the family because Bigmama never learned to drive, she never had a drivers license. She did run over a few of the other residents, but they always forgave her. She was such a sweet woman, she never complained and she loved having company. Before I had the babe, I would go and eat lunch with her at least once a week. Her health had been gradually declining over the past few months and she had to be moved from the assisted living home to a nursing home. She only stayed in the nursing home for a month. Her eyes had gotten so bad that my aunt had to take her wheelchair away because she could no longer see to drive it. She was moved to the hospice on early Thursday morning. I went to see her on Thursday night, but I never actually saw her, everyone kept saying how bad she looked and I just did not want to see her like that. She was on morphine and was in no pain. She never woke up once she got to the hospice. I sat on the porch for hours with my aunt and my family and just reminisced about the past. I got the call that Friday morning that she had died.

The next Wednesday my co-workers husband had a meeting with the doctors about his wife. The doctors recommended unplugging the ventilator, she had no brain activity and had made no improvements in the time that she was there. They unplugged her about 12:30 and she died at 12:50. I just still can't come to terms with this death. It is just so unreal. She was only 55. She was so filled with life, it is just so hard for me to believe that I will never talk to or see her again on this earth.

Last Wednesday morning my phone rang and it was my second cousin telling me that his mom had died on Tuesday. This is my great aunt that had alzheimers and had both of her feet amputated in the past year and my Granny had gone down to live with her. She lives an hour away from us. She had a urinary tract infection that turned septic and she died. This aunt was my favorite of my Granny's sisters. She was so funny. I went to visit her at least once a month when I was growing up. She had like 13 children and a ton of grandchildren. In the last few years her alzheimers had gotten so bad that she did not know anyone, even her own children. It just got so sad for me to go see her. She had gotten to the point that she could not eat, she was being fed through a syringe and she could not get out of bed. To me she had been gone a while, especially since she did not know anyone. She did not even know who she was. It was really sad, so I feel that she is truly in a better place. I guess all three of them are really.

Happy Mother's Day

My little monster!

The center of the girl's attention!

All dressed up for church on Easter

Someone emailed this to me and I thought it was great and I wanted to share it with you all!

This is for the mothers who have sat up all night with sick toddlers in their arms,

wiping up barf laced with Oscar Mayer wieners and

cherry Kool-Aid saying, 'It's okay honey, Mommy's here.'

Who have sat in rocking chairs for hours on end

soothing crying babies who can't be comforted.

This is for all the mothers who show up at work with spit-up

in their hair and milk stains on their blouses and diapers in their purse.

For all the mothers who run carpools and make cookies and sew Halloween costumes.

And all the mothers who DON'T.

This is for the mothers who gave birth to babies they'll never see.

And the mothers who took those babies and gave them homes.

This is for the mothers whose priceless art collections are hanging on their refrigerator doors. And for all the mothers who froze their buns on metal bleachers at football or soccer games instead of watching from the warmth of their cars. And that when their kids asked, 'Did you see me, Mom?' they could say, 'Of course, I wouldn't have missed it for the world,' and mean it.

This is for all the mothers who yell at their kids in the grocery store and swat them

in despair when they stomp their feet and scream for ice cream before dinner.

And for all the mothers who count to ten instead, but realize how child abuse happens.

This is for all the mothers who sat down with their children

and explained all about making babies.

And for all the (grand)mothers who wanted to,

but just couldn't find the words.

This is for all the mothers who go hungry, so their children can eat.

For all the mothers who read 'Goodnight, Moon' twice a night for a year.

And then read it again, 'Just one more time.'

This is for all the mothers who taught their children to tie their shoelaces

before they started school.

And for all the mothers who opted for Velcro instead.

This is for all the mothers who teach their sons to cook

and their daughters to sink a jump shot.

This is for every mother whose head turns automatically when a little voice calls 'Mom?' in a crowd, even though they know their own offspring are at home -- or even away at college -- or have their own families.

This is for all the mothers who sent their kids to school with stomach aches,

assuring them they'd be just FINE once they got there,

only to get calls from the school nurse an hour later asking them to please pick them up.

Right away.

This is for mothers whose children have gone astray, who can't find the words to reach them. For all the mothers who bite their lips until they bleed when their 14 year olds dye their hair green.

For all the mothers of the victims of recent school shootings,

and the mothers of those who did the shooting.

For the mothers of the survivors, and the mothers who sat in front of their TVs in horror, hugging their child who just came home from school, safely.

This is for all the mothers who taught their children to be peaceful,

and now pray they come home safely from a war.

What makes a good mother anyway?

Is it patience? Compassion? Broad hips?

The ability to nurse a baby, cook dinner, and sew a button on a shirt, all at the same time?

Or is it in her heart?

Is it the ache she feels when she watches her son or daughter disappear down the street, walking to school alone for the very first time?

The jolt that takes her from sleep to dread, from bed to crib at 2 A.M.

to put her hand on the back of a sleeping baby?

The panic, years later, that comes again at 2 A.M.

when she just wants to hear their key in the door

and know they are safe again in her home?

Or the need to flee from wherever she is and hug her child when she hears

news of a fire, a car accident, a child dying?

The emotions of motherhood are universal and so our thoughts

are for young mothers stumbling through diaper changes and sleep deprivation...

And for mature mothers learning to let go.

For working mothers and stay-at-home mothers.

Single mothers and married mothers.

Mothers with money, mothers without.

This is for you all. For all of us... Hang in there.

In the end we can only do the best we can.

Tell them every day that we love them.

And pray and never stop being a mother...

Happy Mother's Day!

Friendly, not really

I think there must be something wrong with me. What do you think? I don't have any friends, not really. I mean I have some acquaintances, some people that I see occasionally that I have known for a few years, but no friends. I have no one who knows or cares what is going on in my daily life. I have no one that I call when things go wrong or go right. I have my co-workers, but when we are away from work, we really don't see each other. Maybe I am just too busy for friends, or maybe everyone else is just too busy. I have often wondered if I am just not a friendly person, but I am. I joined this meet up thing to try to meet some people and find some other children for my son to play with, but really, I just did not click with anyone. My neighbor has a daughter just a couple of months older than my son, but she just doesn't seem to want to be friends. We exchange baked goodies every year at Christmas and we wave when we see each other outside, but that is about it. I think maybe it is harder for me because I am gone so long everyday to work and I am busy, but not too busy for a friend. Not too busy for coffee or a shopping trip or even a 10 minute phone call. Oh well, maybe it does just get harder to find and maintain friendships once we get older and have a family to take care of. I don't know what it is, but I know that I miss having friends.

Happy Birthday to me

32 years old already? My how the years are flying by. The day has been wonderful so far and I am sure that my party tonight will be too. Several people really went out of their way to make me feel special today and I love it!

I am still treading water, but at least my head is above it!

Oh what a week! I have a co-worker that is driving me insane. I can't write much about it for fear of her finding my blog and forever making my life a living hell. Anyway, just know that things at work are stressful, as if work isn't stressful enough it doesn't help to have a psycho co-worker. 'Nuff said on that matter.

Something good did happen. We sold my car. Yes I was VERY sad about it. I miss my car everyday, but I know it would have taken a lot of money to fix it and it needs lots of work. The guy who bought it is a mechanic and he works with my hubby. So hubby gets to see my car everyday and make sure that she is alright. He has her running and has replaced several things and still has some work to do, but she is running. He even drove her to Tampa, FL last weekend and she made the trip there and back with no problems. At least I know she has a good home and someone who will take good care of her. I made sure to tell him how much I loved her before he agreed to buy her. For the time being I am driving hubby's Nissan Sentra and he is driving his grandparent's Cadillac. It is killing us on gas. I think I have a car in the works, but I will let you all know when I know for sure.

In the past month we have been to the rodeo and the monster jam monster truck thing. They were both so much fun. I love the rodeo. I had never been to see the monster trucks, but we watch them on TV all the time. The babe loves them. He knows when they are on in the afternoons and he asks my MIL turn them on for him. We had a blast. It was very loud! Of course he would not keep his earplugs in, so I had to cover his ears with my hands. I don't think he has any hearing loss, thank goodness.

We had a wonderful Easter. I hope everyone else did. The pollen here is just horrible. Everything has been covered in a yellow dust for about 3 weeks now and Easter was no exception. My feet and shoes were yellow. The babe really enjoyed the egg hunt this year. He was old enough to hunt and he had a ball. He enjoyed his stuff from the Easter bunny too. He was telling everyone that the bunny easter brought him a basket of stuff. It was so cute. I did not go to Easter at my mom's house. I just did not feel that I could be nice to everyone and so the best thing to do was for me to not go. I get tired of always having to put my feelings aside for the sake of everyone else. We went to church on Sunday and the babe stayed in the service with us and was really good, so we may try it again soon and not make him go to the nursery. I just feel like he cries most of the time we are gone. He does not like being left with strangers.

I have pics of most of the stuff that I am writing about, but blogger is being a pain and will not let me post them, so I will try to post them this weekend. For now it is almost my bedtime!

Can I borrow an umbrella?

You know the saying when it rains, it pours. Well my life is flooding. Does anyone have an umbrella they can lend me for a while. I don't know how much more I can take before I just get in a boat and float away! 2008 has not been a good year for me.

Let me start from the beginning of the year and end with this weekend. My 20 year old neice who just had a baby last year is pregnant again and she got married on Valentine's day. I have not even met the guy and don't care too honestly. She quit her good job and now is unemployed. I am sure she is getting by with the help of my hard earned tax dollars, but that is a post for another day. Not long after I found out that she was pregnant, I fould out that my good for nothing sister is pregnant. She has nowhere to live, is on drugs and smokes like a train. She does not eat healthy and has never had any desire to have a child. I think I have written a post about her before, she is very immature and has no desire to better herself or be a productive member of society. She does not work and has never had a job longer than a month or so. Her boyfriend has been in and out of jail. He has one son that he was a less than good father to, so I can only imagine what he will be to this baby. They don't have anywhere to live or bring a baby home to. They don't have a car or anyway to get a baby to the doctor or anywhere else. I can only pray about this situation. It truly pisses me off!

My Aunt's girlfriend had an aneurysm a few weeks ago and is not doing very well. My Aunt is 6 hours away all alone having to deal with this and everything that it entails. Neither of them have any family nearby, so she is essentially alone now. This just breaks my heart! Also my Great-Aunt in another state just had a triple by-pass. She has had many health problems over the past year or so.

I think we may have a leak in the roof over our bedroom. We have not confirmed this, but I am almost afraid to know for sure. We have some sort of critter, think possibly a squirrel living under our bathtub in our bathroom. We can hear them in there. Scary, but we do not have the money to have them removed yet, so we just kick the tub when we hear them and try to scare them away, but they keep coming back. I am pretty sure that it is a squirrel. I think we live in the squirrel capital of the South. I have never seen so many squirrels in all of my life! The Christmas lights are still up on the house. We took down the yard decorations, just not the lights on the house. Last year we left them up all year. I am thinking we may do that this year too. The dishwasher is broken. When I called the warranty company they informed me that our contract has expired. Wonderful, even though they have not sent me anything telling me it was time to renew. Oh well next weekend after I open my new checking account I will renew our contract and have the dishwashwer repaired. Oh how I miss the dishwasher. My daughter and I washed about 6 sinkfuls of dishes yesterday. We had to unload the dishwasher and wash all of those dishes as well as everything else that was dirty. Back to the new checking account, I have had 5 NSF checks in my account in the past month! 2 of them were my fault, 3 of them were the bank's fault in a way, but I still have to pay for them. So hubby and I have decided to close out that account and open a new account for me at the credit union where he banks and where our savings account is.

Is your head spinning yet? Well I am not quite done. For the past few weeks the clutch in my car has been giving me some problems. It has gotten to the point that you have to have it pressed all the way to the floor for it to engage. We got in it last night to take our daughter back to her Mom's, got a few miles from the house and it would not go into gear. I finally got it in 2nd gear and drove it back home, afraid to take it out of gear until it was safely parked in the driveway. So now the issue is what to do with it. It is a '96 Accord, it has almost 200,000 miles on it. It needs a paint job, a new windshield, oxygen sensors, a clutch, and it has an oil leak. It will also need a new timing belt before too long. It has been a FANTASTIC car. It has been the only car that I have ever paid off and truly drove until it fell apart. I feel like my car knows me and I know it. The drivers seat just hugs me when I get in it. I cried myself to sleep last night thinking of how sad it is going to be when that isn't my car anymore. Getting rid of it brings us to another problem. We do not have the money to get another car right now. I really needed my car to last until next year when hubby's car will be paid off. Since that didn't happen now we are trying to figure out what to do. My SIL is getting rid of her car. It is a newer Accord and it is in great shape. We know the history of it. I think our plan is to get rid of my car and take that money to pay on hubby's car and try to borrow the money from the bank to buy SIL's car. Other "things" that go along with her car would be the higher insurance and the higher taxes and tag fees. Oh well, I have to have a car to drive and it needs to be a good reliable car. Good things about this car would be that it is newer and prettier than my car. It is bigger than my car, which would be wonderful. I can't tell you how often I have bumped the babe's head getting in and out of my car. I took some pics of my car today. I love that car!!!!!!!!!!

You see things have been pretty bad for me. Bad things just keep happening. I am usually a very optimistic person, but lately I am having a hard time finding a silver lining in these clouds.

Ex-family

Is it really possible to disown certain people in your family? Even if the part of the family that you like doesn't disown them? You see I really have no reason to want to be around certain people in my family. They are such white trash they make my stomach upset just thinking about them. You see the big problem that I am having is that they are close relatives of mine and most of our family get togethers are at my Moms and they are there. Well honestly I do not want to see them, I don't want my kids around them. So what do I do? Just not go and break my Mom's heart or go and have to be around people that I truly don't like? Mom's birthday (60th) was last week and I called up my oldest sister and invited her and her kids to a restaurant for a surprise party for my Mom on Saturday. It was awesome without the people that I don't like there. We had such a good time. She was so surprised, but she could not tell the other people about it because she did not want to hurt their feelings. She did say that it was the best birthday ever though! It isn't like any of the others have ever done anything special for her birthday. Easter is coming soon and Mom is already talking about the get together at her house. As soon as she mentioned it I started praying to get sick that day so we won't have to go. I have come up with a hundred excuses to not go, but I love my Mom and I hate to let her down but I am so sick of having to suck it up and be around these people. If they were not my family I would have lost contact with them years ago, much like the people that I went to highschool with. Anyway, am I wrong for not wanting to be around them. Maybe one day I will tell you the whole story of why I am sick and tired of them, but it is late and I am tired tonight.

Positive parenting

I am taking a parenting class. It is called Triple P (I can't remember what it stands for at the moment, but I know that part of it is PositiveParenting). Anyway I started it last week and it is an eight week class. The babe has been going with me and staying in the nursery with the other kids. It is the only interaction that he really has with other children. I am trying to get him involved in more things with other kids, we do still go to out meetups when we can, but that is just usually once a month. He does well with other children.

Anyway, I am excited about this class. I think I do alright with the whole parenting thing, but there is not one right way to parent and I think that I could certainly use some pointers to help me with some things that I am struggling with. So far I really like the class and have learned that a lot of what I am doing is right on, but some things I need to work on. So we have little homework assignments and things to work on during the week and then in the next class we share our ideas. I think parents need all the help that they can get, especially if you have a very stubborn hard-headed child like the babe.

Sick again

I think I have the flu or just some really bad virus that is making me feel like crap. I have been on so much medication since Thursday that I feel like an addict. I am popping some pill every few hours. It started with a sore throat on Thursday and Friday and has morphed into a runny nose, sneezing, pressure in my ears and body aches. On the bright side at least the sore throat went away. I think I would rather have the sore throat than all this stuff. I did take a nap yesterday and today when the babe did. Hubby has been wonderful and very helpful. He knows that even when I don't feel good I will still try to do everything, so he has been cooking and taking care of me. I feel okay when I get up in the mornings, but as the day wears on I start feeling worse. Oh well, I hope this goes away soon.

Is there something burning?

I am truly sorry for the lack of posting and reading other blogs. I miss it, really I do, it is just to do anything, it is so busy at home and you all know that I cannot blog at work anymore, it makes it hard to find the time to actually sit down and write anything. When the babe sees me on the computer he wants to look at Thomas the train or go to Sesame Street and that is fine, but it doesn't help me post anything. Anyway, I promise that I will try to do better.

So much has happened in the past few weeks, I will update you a little at a time. I would hate to blow your mind all at once. I will start with my stupidity from Sunday. We still have not found a church here, I know, I know these things take time. We have only been here a little over 4 years, so I guess it goes without saying we really need to find a church. All of that said, we decided to go to church Sunday. We got up and got ready and I had a little extra time while I was waiting for hubby to get ready, so I decided to put some peas on the stove to go ahead and start cooking them to go with our lunch. Well I forgot to turn them off before we left the house. We got through church and made up our mind that we would just keep looking because that was not the church for us. We got home and hubbywas unlocking the door and asked if we smelled smoke. Well the weather was nice, so I just thought maybe someone was cooking on the grill. When he opened the door he looked at me and asked if I was cooking something. Then I remembered the peas. The house was filled with smoke and the peas were ash in the pot. We immediately began opening the doors and windows to get the smoke out. Well we got the smoke out, but we are stuck with the smell. Some rooms are worse than others, like the kitchen and adjoining den. The smell is making me sick. It is stuck in my nose. I am trying to get rid of it and everyday it is a little better. I have invested a small fortune in air fresheners and cleaners and Febreez. Hopefully soon the smell will just be a memory, like my favorite pot that I ruined.

Oh well, I guess everyone makes mistakes. Thank goodness it was only smoke and no fire.

Bloggers Block

You would think after my hiatus I would have plenty to blog about and I do, but when I sit down at the keyboard I just freeze. When I am driving in the car, the thoughts are just flowing, but I sit down here to write and I get nothing! Help me. I think I need to keep a small notebook with me and jot down my ideas when they come to me so I can remember them. Any other ideas on how I can overcome this block?

If you were wondering, no I have not named my bike yet. I have not had time to bond with her. It has been raining or too cold and I have been so busy with home and work. I hope to be able to bond with her soon so I can pick out a name for her.

I have a killer headache this morning. It actually started yesterday, I think it is a stress headache. Imagine that, me stressed out! We are planning our daughter's birthday party. She wants a 50s theme, so that is what she will get. I have so many ideas, I did start writing them down yesterday. We will all dress in 50s attire. I am looking for a poodle skirt. Then I thought maybe I needed a diner waitress outfit, since I will be hosting the party. I am a little stressed because we are having it at our house. Most of our parties we have at my in-laws, but they are having some issues with water damage in the ceiling and floor of their living room. In a way having it at our house makes it easier on me, but I just always feel like I cannot get the house clean enough when we have people coming over. At least I have most of the Christmas decorations taken down and put away!

Alright, I have to get to work! Doesn't that sound fun? I hope all (the few of you) my readers are alright, I was watching the news about those tornadoes. My heart goes out to those people!

Happy New Year, I'm Back!

Oh my goodness I am actually able to post now from the comfort of my own home! Santa brought us a new computer for Christmas and it is awesome. Sorry that I have been gone for so long. I know a lot has happened since I was last able to really post. Work installed a new firewall and were monitoring our internet usage for work/personal and since I need my job, I decided it best if I let this site rest until I could post away from the office on my own time. Soo, here I am posting in the comfort of my den. I have been trying to get caught up on everyone. My goodness you all have been busy. So have I! I had this wonderful post all planned out in my head, but now eveything is just running together, so I will just get down as much of it as I can.

I will just tell you that a 2 year old is so much fun, most of the time. He keeps me running! The babe talks non-stop now and you can understand most of what he says. One of his favorite places to go on Saturdays is the bakery. Those ladies just love him! His favorite restaurant is Chick-fil-A, I can't say that I blame him, the boy has good taste. He is still very much a mommy's boy and I just love it. Okay more on him later, you know I could just go on and on.

Christmas was wonderful. We had such a good time, the kids loved all their stuff and getting to spend time together. I loved all the yummy food! I got some new wheels for Christmas... She is beautiful, that was the only thing that I really asked for from hubby and the kids and they came through. Of course it has been raining since Christmas, so I haven't gotten to ride her much, but I can't wait for the skies to clear and it to warm up a bit so I can ride. Here is a picture of my new wheels.

Isn't she beautiful. I think she needs a name, what do you all think? Help me name her. Hubby has been calling her the Cadillac, but I think she needs her own name.

I also told Hubby about my blog. I know, I know I should have told him about it a long time ago, but hey, I made a mistake, so sue me. Anyway he was a little hurt, but he went on and read some posts and realized that this is harmless, just something that I like to do. So he is alright with is now. Maybe I will get him to guest post for me sometime. I just love him! Also, it was my 3 year blogaversary in October. Oh my goodness I cannot believe that I have been blogging for 3 years!

Alright I have to go now and do some Mommy stuff. I hope everyone has a wonderful and safe New Year's Eve. I look forward to more posts in the New Year.

Merry Christmas to all and to all a good night...