Welcome to Motherhood

Okay I think I am putting hte story of me on hold for a while. The reason for this pause is that I just don't have time to put that much thought into my posting right now. You know I have a new, well he is 4 1/2 months old, baby, and work and things at home are hectic with hubby working an extra little part-time job to help pay off Christmas and the new baby. Anywho I just don't have time to sit down and think out my posts for the story of me and trust me they need to be thought out. So back to my regular posts for now and periodically maybe I will do another chapter in The Story of Me series. How about that?

I am really tired today. My sweet little angel had his 4 month old check-up complete with 4 shots on Friday. He weighs 16 lbs and 10 ozs and he is 27 inches long! Yes he is a big boy. He cried for a minute after his shots until I picked him up, then he was okay. He is such a trooper, I hope he stays like that. The shots have made him cranky this weekend. A cranky baby is no fun! He had some good moments, but for the most part he was cranky. Last night he decided that he did not want to sleep, well I am pretty sure that he did not decide it, but something was preventing him from getting his normal sleep. He was asleep by 9:30 and awake at 11:30 and I nursed him and he went back to sleep, so did I. He woke up again at 1:30, I tried to nurse him, that usually puts him right back to sleep. He finally went back to sleep by about 2. Then guess what? He woke up again at 4 am. By this time I am so ill, I just want to cry too. Nothing really comforted him, none of the usual things. He just was not going back to sleep. So we stayed up, despite my pleading with him to please go back to sleep for Mommy just until 6 am, then we could both get up and play while I got ready for work. Pleading with a 4 month old is a lost cause! So, I put him in his exersaucer thing in front of cartoons while I did some things in the kitchen. I might as well take advantage of the extra hour that I had this morning before I had to be at work. Anyway I am tired and ill today, but when I went to see my sweet little angel at lunch he was feeling much better after his 4 HOUR power nap! I wish I could take a 4 HOUR power nap, but the phone will n ot stop ringing for me to take a 4 minute nap, so oh well. I was telling one of my co-workers, who has 2 of her own about it and she looks at me and smiles and says, "Welcome to motherhood."

The Story of Me- Part 2

Okay it is time for part 2 of the story of me. It is very hard to know what to write about. I won't bore you with details of starting kindergarten, which I really don't remember anyway, or of my first few years at school. I will fast forward from newborn to the next major event in my life, the death of my dad. I have written about it before and it is a painful thing for me, but it is part of my life, so here goes. I don't remember when he was diagnosed, I am sure that I wasn't told. After all how do you tell an 8 year old that her dad is dying of cancer. I guess the easy thing to do is just not talk about it, and that was how my mom decided to handle this with me anyway. I am sure that my older sisters knew. M was 16 and T was 19, I don't know if D knew right away or not she was only 10, she turned 11 the month before he died. My memories of my dad are so fleeting, I look back at pictures trying to remember, but even that isn't working anymore. I have a few memories that I will cherish forever. He was the one who nicknamed me Sam-bo. That nickname stuck and my sisters and neices still call me that.

He had a lot of good days and he was at home for most of his illness. He had a few stays in the hospital, which we went to go see him faithfully. He called us every night to tell us goodnight. I remember one Easter we got all dressed up, went to church and then to the hospital so dad could see us in our Easter dresses. I also remember the last time I saw him alive. It was on a Saturday and he was in the hospital. They had called the family in, at the time I did not know that, but I realize now that was why everyone was there. Anyway my mom had taken us to see dad and my granny came and picked up D and I to spend the night with her so my mom could stay with my dad. He looked awful. He was in and out of it, his skin looked yellow. It was scary as a child to see your parent like that. We did not stay long. My granny took us to her apartment and we spent the night and the phone rang the next morning and before my granny answered it I told her that dad had died. Sure enough it was my mom calling to tell my granny. I don't even remember crying, although I am sure that I did. The next few days are all a blur. There were so many people at our house and we had to go to the viewing at the funeral home. I don't remember ever going to a funeral home before that it was weird, everyone talking in hushed tones, asking you how you are. Your deceased father laying stiff in a coffin. Things an 8 year old should not have to deal with, things I still don't hink I have really dealt with. I just keep it pushed far back in my mind and every now and then I will let it get to me.

The funeral was even more surreal and then there was the graveside service (burial). I remember standing there and the school bus going by and I wished I was on it. It was wierd to go back to school. We had missed a few days and everyone just kind of looked at you like something was wrong when we went back. People treated me different, for a little while anyway. Children don't know how to deal with death. Things at home were different too. My dad was gone, sudddenly mom was a single parent, raising us by herself. So she moved my granny in next door to help her out. Shortly after my granny moved in I moved in with her. I had it made at my granny's. I had her undivided attention and I had my own room and my own phone and my own TV, what else could an 8 year old want. It was a good thing that I moved in with granny, after my dad's death my mom decided that she wanted to relive her teenage days. You see she was married at 16 and a mommy by 17, so she did not get to live out her wild teenege days. Anyway I was very glad to have my grandmother to help raise me, she sheltered me from a lot.

The Story of Me-Part 1

On April 9, 1976 a woman heads to the hospital to have her baby, already past her due date she is ready to give birth. After an induction and the doctor breaking her water and many grueling hours of labor a sweet baby girl makes her appearance. The proud mom and dad decide to name her Samantha Carol. Samantha was a name the dad liked, it was the name of a little girl on a detergent commercial. Carol was mom's sister's middle name. And so it was decided, her name will be Samantha Carol and they will call her Sam. Little Sam weighed 8 lbs 5 ozs and was 20.5 inches long, she wasn't so little after all! She had blue eyes and a little smattering of brown hair. She will be the last child for these parents. Daughter number 4, she was the last great hope for a boy in the family. Oh well, no boy, hope they aren't too disappointed! She was also the biggest of all the children, yes the mom has often made the comment when telling the story that if little Sam had been born first, she would have been an only child. After a few days in the hospital she was released to go home to the little farm house on the outskirts of town. Her sisters were excited to have a new baby. Well not really excited, but she was accepted, because after all she was there to stay! And stay she did, she lived in that little farm house for 27 years. There I go getting ahead of myself, that part will come later.

There is the story of my birth. I find it easier to write in third person, hope that doesn't confuse anyone!

The big one is coming...

In one month (well one month and one day) I will be thirty. Yes the big 3 0! I remember when that seemed so OLD! Now that is me, I will officially go from the twentysomethings to the thirtysomethings. I don't really think I am having a hard time with it, not yet anyway. That could all change though. Anyway I thought for the month leading up to my birthday I would recount my life and look back on the milestones that have made me who I am today. When I was younger I would sit and ponder why things happened to me, then I realized that all the things that have happened in my life brought me to where I am today and shaped me into the person that I am. If anything would have been different the course of my life could have been forever changed. If you haven't seen the movie Sliding Doors with Gwyneth Paltrow, rent it this weekend. It is an older movie, but it shows how different one minute can make things. Get prepared to walk down memory lane with me for the next month, hopefully it will be fun and enlightening.

I am so sleepy today. My little one had a rough night, which means that I had a rough night. Isn't that the perfect way to round out a rough day? I think the teething devils are wreaking havoc in his little gums. My normally sweet (angelic if you will) baby has been so fussy this weekend. He did not want to sit in his little vibrating rocking chair or anywhere else most of the day. He wanted to be held, not just held, he wanted to be held and walked or danced around. He has so much drool, it looks like a water fountain. I have to keep a bib on him, if not he soaks the front of his outfit. I had some things that I really needed to get done, like lunch, so I packed him in the front facing carrier and strapped him to my body while I prepared lunch yesterday. He never uttered a sound, he carefully watched me put together all the ingredients for chicken tetrazinni and then he went to sleep. I knew he was tired, but he would not give up the fight. So I carefuly took him out of the carrier and lay him peacefully in his bed. He didn't even wake up a little bit. So I went back to the kitchen to finish my cooking and clean up the mess I had made. The silence did not last long, he might have slept about 30-45 minutes of his 2 hour nap. You know what that means, yeah it means that soon the ill baby of earlier will be back. He stayed awake for a little while, but I caved and put him in his swing. Surely that will knock him out, and it did. He took the rest of his much needed nap and awoke a happy baby once more. I used the Oraj*l this weekend as well as Teething tablets that the doctor recommended. They seemed to help a bit, but he was still cranky. He doesn't seem to care for the cold teether things, not yet anyway. He changes everyday, so he might like them today. Anywho he was ready for bed before 8 last night, so I nursed him and tucked him in. He went right to sleep, no crying! Well he woke up at 11:30 and then again at 3 and then again at 5 and then again at 7, the last one was okay because it was time to eat before I have to go to work. Needless to say this morning I am sleepy. I need at least a 4 hour stretch to feel rested and I missed it last night. A nice big cup of coffee would be wonderful, but I can't have any caffeine, so I will just use toothpicks to keep my eyes open. Keep your fingers crossed that tonight will be better. I am taking him to have his pictures taken tomorrow, so I hope he sleeps well tonight so he will look rested in his pictures.

Routines and the sweet things

I think I am finally getting in to a routine, if you will, for work and home. There has to be some balance somewhere, but I can tell you it is very hard to find. I feel like I am neglecting household chores because I am gone all day to work. Well when I get off work I have to run over to my mother-in-laws and pick up my little sweet angel. Most of the time I stay a few minutes, I have to find out how he was for the afternoon. Sometimes he wants to eat when I get there and on those days I am there an extra 30 minutes or so (he is a slow eater!). By the time I get home it is usually close to 7 pm. Thank goodness I have a wonderful hubby who already has dinner started, especially on the nights that we have his daughter (we have to take her home by 8:30). Anywho by the time I get home and get supper on the table and everyone fed, including the baby (he eats cereal now at the table with the rest of the family), it is close to 8 pm. I still have to bathe the baby and get him ready for bed, get his bag packed for the next day, clean the kitchen, nurse him, and try to get him to sleep. I usually try to have him in bed and asleep by 9. He is so tired by then, most of the time he is asleep by 8:30. Well after he goes to bed, I still have so much to do but I am so tired that I only get maybe a load of laundry done or get the dishwasher loaded before I am off to bed myself. I need a few more hours in the day so I can enjoy my family and get done all the things that need to be done. I don't see it getting any easier either. Soon the little one will be crawling and then I won't be able to take my eyes off of him for fear that he is playing in the toilet or sticking things in the electrical outlets, let's face it you can only babyproof so much!

Now on to something much sweeter. I want to talk about my little one for a minute or two. He is so amazing! I cannot believe how fast he is growing and developing. It seems everyday he has learned something new. He is just like a little sponge and I am trying to fill him with knowledge and happy things. He smiles all the time. When he gets really tired he will "sing", of course not really singing heck he can't even talk yet, but sort of making really long sounds that could be singing. I think it is singing because if I am trying to get him to sleep I usually sing or hum a song to him. It is truly the cutest thing. I just love him so much. I especially love when it is bedtime and he lets me snuggle him close as he drifts off to sleep. After he is asleep I just lay there in the glow of the nightlight caressing his face and hands and kissing him ever so gently. I always say a prayer and thank God for sending him to me and ask that he please watch over him and keep him safe. I am trying to keep a journal for him. I started it while I was pregnant, but I haven't written in it since he was born. So I started back to writing last night, because I do not want to forget a single moment with him and the moments are passing by way too fast. I skipped a lot of pages I just hope I can remember enough about his first 4 months to fill them up.