Happy New Year

I have no big plans for New Years eve. We will have our child so we will probably play Barbies or something until time to sing Auld Lang Syne. That is fine with me, New Years parties are usually overrated and I am much happier with my family at home than a group of strangers partying.

It was so hard coming back to work yesterday after being at home for 5 days. I could so be a stay at home mom, but I need a child to make that work. Oh well if you have been with me for a while you know that we are working on that and I must report that I am 4 days late starting my period, so I may get a baby for the new year. Keep your fingers crossed and I will keep you posted.

I had a real mommy experience last night. You all know that I have a 7 year old step-child that we have a good bit of the time. Anyway she was at our house last night and we were in her room playing. Well she smashed her finger in the chair that she was sitting in. My hubby was in the kitchen cooking (like all good hubby's should be). I grabbed her and she started crying of course because her finger was like purple. So I sat in the bean bag and held her and rocked her back and forth and comforted her until her dad could get back there. Before he got there though I had already made her laugh and she was laughing with huge crocodile tears running down her cheeks. It made me feel good to be able to comfort her, usually she wants her dad when things happen. I love that child.

Well I will be off again until Monday, so I will post again then. Have a safe and wonderful New Year!

Paranoia

Is that how you spell it? I am paranoid that something bad is going to happen to me today. I will tell you why, I know you are just dying to find out. On my way to work this morning I came to the stop sign at the end of my street and there was a lady standing there on the corner. I had to let my window down to see if the coast was clear for me to pull out because the windows were fogged. Anyway when I let the window down she approached my car and asked if I could help her because she had ran out of gas. Well I did indeed see the car that appeared to be stranded and she was not by herself. She was like 2 blocks from the gas station. Anywho I looked at my watch and told her that I had to get to work or I would be late. She said Thank you anyway and I drove off on my merry little way. Well then I started feeling bad. I should have turned around and went to my house and gotten my gas can and taken her to the store and gotten her some gas for her car. What if that were me, I would want someone to help me. I just can't help but being skeptical about people. Lots of bad things happen to unsuspecting people these days and you just can't be too careful. I always try to help others when I can, but when I am traveling on the road alone I feel like I am a target for evil instead of a doer of good. Lately there have been a rash of bad things happening in the town that I live in and I am paranoid that I could be an easy target. A lady's purse got snatched in her own yard yesterday! How ridiculous is that? All I could think about was that she probably had a gun and she would make me drive to the ATM and make me take out my money and then shoot me and take my car and leave me for dead. So because I did not help someone who asked me this morning I feel something bad may happen to me. Is that just crazy or what?

Christmas is over!

Yah! Christmas is over. I am back at work today after a much needed break. I have been trying to catch up on everyone's blog and read your stories of Christmas today. My Christmas was wonderful. I don't know that I ever really got into the spirit, but the gifts were wonderful. I know that is not what Christmas is all about, but it sure does help.

I was off on Christmas Eve and I woke up early to prepare the goodies that I had to take to my sister's house that afternoon. Five hours later I was in the shower getting ready for the Christmas eve party at my sister's. When we finally arrived my hubby disappeared to the den to watch football with the other men and I took my place in the kitchen helping my sister finish up her cooking and get all the food arranged. We always have a smorgasboard of finger foods on Christmas eve. Sausage balls, cookies, divinity, butterscotch haystacks, cheese balls and crackers, you get the picture. After I ate 2 plates of food (hey, I was really hungry), we settled in to the den to open gifts. My family is not a rich bunch of people by any means, so there were not many gifts and most of them were for my neices, which was fine with me. I did get a new pair of earrings, a necklace, and a pin from my sister. That was the extent of my gifts there. My mom did not buy Christmas gifts this year because she had foot surgery a month ago and has been off work without pay and my other 2 sisters are just sorry as hell and did not get anyone anything. I really should not have gotten them anything, but I did. Not anything too good, just a shirt, but still it was something for them to open. My sorry sisters made out better than me and my oldest sister. Next year it will be framed pictures of me all around! I better start posing!

Christmas at my house was fun. We got to pick up our child at 5 from her mom's and then we went home to see what Santa had left for her. He left her so much stuff and what he did not leave for her we got her. She got tons of Barbie stuff. Have you seen the Grandparent Barbie's? We have grey hair and wrinkles, they are adorable. She got a huge stuffed dog, twin baby dolls, play food, lots of other stuff. When she finally looked at everything that Santa brought her, we all went in to the other room to open our gifts from each other. I got a new poncho, jewelry, a boy baby in a carrier (more on that later), some sweaters, a sweat shirt that has Grumpy Bear from the Care Bears on it and it says "Dear Santa, I've been Grumpy!". I also got a charm bracelet and some charms. My favorite gift was from my child and it is a charm that has 2 hearts and one heart says mother and the other one says daughter. I just started crying! It was so sweet. I think of her as my daughter, but I have never and will never try to replace her mother. My husband said she picked it out all by herself and she looked at him and asked if she could get it because I am like her mom and sometimes she thinks of me like her mom. Is that not just the sweetest thing that a step-child can say to you?

After all the gift opening at our house it was time to head to the in-laws for dinner and more gifts. My hubby's family is not rich either, but they are shop-a-holics. My mother-in-law had already told me that she had bought more stuff for me than she did for anyone else and she finally had to write at the bottom of my list of things that she had bought me, "This has got to stop!" I was very excited about Christmas there. This would be the first Christmas with them when they really knew me and I truly felt like a part of the family. I wish I had a picture of what the living room looked like before we started opening gifts. There were gifts everywhere! So many gifts that it looked like the shop-a-holics Christmas party. My hubby's mom's family were mostly all there and with them came more gifts. It was awesome. My mother-in-law has decorating in her blood so all of her gifts had beig beautiful ribbon and hand tied bows on them. Finally we started handing out gifts. It took 4 people to give out all the gifts. I was one of the four. My presents were all piling up on the floor and I could hardly wait to open them. Everyone else was ooing and ahhing over their gifts. I am always happy when people like the gifts that we get them. I usually put a lot of thought into gift giving. We were done handing out gifts, so I sat down in front of my mountian of gifts and my child came over and helped me open them. I got new black boots, a jacket, shirts, pajamas, jewelry, a cookie jar, a scarf, Burt's Bees lip balm, a wallet, socks, dishes, a hand painted vase. I can't remember what else, but I assure you I liked it. I also got a huge stocking full of stuff like nail polish, a watch, etc. I love my hubby's family, not just because they give good gifts but because they are a great family. We stayed at their house until it started sleeting. Yes, sleeting in middle Georgia on Christmas. I could not believe my eyes. It is the closest thing that we have had to snow on Christmas ever!

Merry Christmas...

I have some great news. I still have 24 hours of vacation time left (can you believe it). Last year I was begging to use my sick time to go on my honeymoon! If we don't use our time, my boss has to pay us for it. He came in this morning and asked me what was I going to do with my 24 hours of vacation time. I reminded him that I have Monday off and suggested to him that I could take Tuesday too if he wanted me too. It is not like my work is going to go anywhere if I am not here. Funny enough he agreed and so now I have a five day weekend!!! Mini-vacation. My hubby has to work Monday and Tuesday so I will have some me time to clean the house and pack up the Christmas decorations. I am so excited. SO anyway all that said it means I will not be here to post anything on my blog until next Wednesday. Nearly a week and no blogging, I think I will have withdrawals. I so enjoy reading everyone else's posts, it keeps me entertained. So don't forget me while I am gone and I may try to sneak in a post ot two during that time. I will catch up on everyones blog as soon as I get back if not before then.


I sincerely hope that everyone has a very merry Christmas and gets everything they want or at least likes what they get!

Be safe and please don't drink and drive. I need all my blogger friends safely here in blogger world to keep me entertained.

Merry Christmas to all and to all a good night!!!

Being honored

My best friend is preparing to move soon and I am extremely sad. The news of the move came last week and has done its share of bringing me down for the holidays. We have known for a long time that it was a possibility that she and her family would eventually move to the middle of nowhere to be near his family, but we just never really expected the day to come so soon. It is only abour an hour or so from me, but it seems like an eternity. He was offered a job last week near the town where his family lives and he decided to take the job. In the past week or so they have put their house on the market, sold their house, and packed up most of their belongings for the move. She has been so busy, we have barely seen each other. She did call me yesterday and update me on the progress of finding a new house and we made plans to get together Thursday and exchange gifts. She also mentioned to me that she had sent me an invitation to guest post on her blog. How honored I was when I received the invitation. So I posted today on her blog, check it out if you want to, I still don't know how to link in a post so I will just tell you to click on Well Fed Pheonix in Daily Distractions and you will be there.

Quick Update
Score on the battle with the crud that has attacked me: Crud-6 Me-0
Yes it is truly whipping my ass. I feel like crap. My ears are stopped up and my nose is stuffy. My skin is so dry from the medicines it is beginning to look like the desert. I have put on so much moisturizer and chap-stick in the last few days I should own stock in the company. I am finding it difficult to apply make-up to my parched face because it is also peeling from the constant wipe of the tissue after I sneeze. The Christmas pictures should be just beautiful this year with me playing the part of Rudolph. Something truly amazing happened yesterday when I blew my nose... stuff came out of my tear duct in my eye. Has that ever happened to anyone else? My husband told me it had happened to him when he was sick, but I don't think it is normal. Oh well not much that happens to me is normal now is it?

Christmas Spirit

I just can't get into the Christmas spirit this year. Normally I am all in the spirit and so excited about Christmas, but this year I am not. I really don't know why. In the years past I have counted down the days with excitement and joy, but this year I am counting them down with anxiety and dread. I am angry at myself for not being in the holiday mood because I know as soon as it is over I will feel like I missed it. In essence I am missing it. What is it that puts us in the holiday spirit? I normally sing Christmas songs from the day after Thanksgiving until Christmas night, but this year the holiday songs are getting on my nerves and I can't bear to listen to the holiday music channel. I have done all my shopping and wrapped all the gifts. I have walked through Bethlehem at the local church and heard the story of the true meaning of Christmas. I have shopped for the foods that I will prepare for Christmas eve and Christmas day. I have made some wonderful confections that I give to people like my hairdresser, mailman, etc. What is missing? Why can I just not find that Christmas spirit?

I don't feel well

I want my mommy! I have the crud. My valiant efforts to evade this horrible sickness have failed. I have succumbed to the illness. I just want to close my eyes and sleep, but I have way too much work to do. My nose is stuffed up, my head hurts, my throat hurts, my eyes hurt. My head feels like a bowling ball and my shoulders are having problems balancing its weight. I slept a good part of yesterday and took lots of medications, only to still feel like poop today. To top it all off it is the coldest weather ever here. It was 18 degrees last night. I enjoy cold weather as much as the next person, but that is freakin ridiculous. Must go....find medication...

We interrupt this broadcast to bring you ...

breaking news. My betta fish is dying. The orange one. He is about 2 years old and that is old for a betta. He has been geriatric for a while now. I have been crushing his little pieces of food so he could eat them. I came in this morning and he is just lying at the botttom of the bowl still moving just a tad, but it could just be nerves.

Orange Fish
Orange fish, 2, of Macon, Georgia passed away Thursday in his bowl after a brief illness.
He is survived by his adopted mother, Samantha, and brother Toto (the blue betta). He is
preceded in death by his brothers, Red fish and Blue fish. He will be greatly missed around the
office. He brought his family such pleasure by swimming in his bowl all day and jumping out of the
water when he saw his food container.
Services for Mr. Orange Fish will be at 10:00 this morning in the front restroom at the office. His
mother will say a short eulogy and we will close the service with a rendition of Amazing Grace, then
we will lower the handle and flush him out to gloryland. In lieu of flowers the family ask that
donations be made in Orange Fish's name to Trout Unlimed, his favorite charity.

Prepare for the invader

A war is raging inside my body. I am being attacked by cold germs. Some people in the office have had the crud for the past few weeks, but I have managed to avoid them and the illness. Well I think it has caught up with me. I have increased the vitamin C and multivitamin to help out my immune system. I don't think it is helping against the mighty invader. I am beginning to feel rundown and tired. Oh yes the snot is also beginning. I pray that I do not get really sick, not this close to the holidays, I have too much to do to be sick.

Coffee Crisis

I drink coffe every morning at work. The office provides a coffee pot, cofee, sugar, and creamer. I enjoy my coffee with flavored creamer, which I purchase myself and keep in the refrigerator. I don't mind sharing my creamer with those looking for a more flavorful cup of coffee, but I do ask that you not use the last bit of it and if you do use it up, replace it. So this morning I pour my coffee and head over to the fridge to pour in the yummy creamer and it is gone. Not just empty, the whole bottle is gone. So here I am cup of coffee and my creamer is gone. Thank goodness I have some of the powdered kind hidden away. I will bring more creamer tomorrow, but I will put it in a different container and write my name on the outside of the container so everyone will know that it is mine. That just really pisses me off.

Standing on my own...

I don't know what my problem is lately, but I am having problems balancing myself, especially on stairs. So I am headed into the office this morning going up the 2 flights of stairs that I climb at lease once on a daily basis, and I get to the top step and lose my balance. You know what that means. I fell. Thank goodness one of my co-workers happened to be standing there and she reached down and grabbed my arm before I rolled down the stairs. Welcome to my world! I was just thinking on the way up the stairs that I really needed to be careful so I wouldn't fall and then damned if I still didn't fall. I have never been a graceful person, but I am far from a clutz, until just recently.

Odds and Ends

I think Mother Nature must have gotten my email about the hot weather in December because now it is freezing. I love it. It is such a nice change from the hot and humid weather we have to endure here in the summer and fall. I have not had to turn on my personal heater at work yet. I hope I don't have to, but I am sure that I will if the cold weather stays here.

I had a great weekend. My hubby hung our Christmas lights. We have icicle lights on the front of the house, net lights in the hedges and some other lights in our small tree. It looks wonderful. I have never had Christmas lights on the house before so I just think it is beautiful. After we got all the lights up Saturday we walked to the end of the driveway and I cried because it was so pretty.

My bestest friend is moving to the middle of nowhere. It is like an hour or so away. I am trying to be positive, but I am selfish and I do not want her to move. I have been sad since I read her blog on Friday and found out that her husband got the job in the middle of nowhere. She will no longer be a local phone call away or a short 10 minute drive from me. It will be a sad holiday having to pack up your family and move. I just feel sick about it.

We visited a church in our town on Sunday. We have not been actively going to church since we moved over a year ago. So we decided that we would start visiting churches until we found one that we liked. I hate visiting churches, you feel like an outsider. The one that we went to Sunday was like being at Bible Camp. My hubby thought that the pastor looked like Dr. Evil. We kept waiting for him to say, "We mustn't gnaw on our kitties." After the service was over, we ran to our car and got out of there as fast as we could. I don't think that was the church for us. Next week we will visit another church. I will keep you posted on our progress.

I have a panic attack everytime that I think about how close Christmas is. Maybe I need to double the dose of my crazy pills until we are over the mad rush to Christmas. We are doing great on the shopping though, just about $100.00 more and we should be done. I really don't know what to get my hubby. I want to buy him everything that he wants, but that is impossible. He is so sweet and wonderful.

Last but not least... I am in extreme pain and I have a high tolerance for pain. I do not pop a pill everytime that I have an ache or pain, but this is some awful pain. I think I have sciatica. I really don't know what is causing it and I do not want to go to the doctor. I have had the pain for about a week now. The only thing that makes it feel better is to have my hubby stand on my back. It relieves the pressure on the nerve and makes the pain go away so every night I have to lay in the floor and let him stand on me for a few minutes to get some relief. I have also been loading up on the meds to try and relieve some of the pain. I read some stuff about it on WebM.D. yesterday and did not find a real answer to any of my questions. It says the best thing to do is alternate lying down with short walks. Well I have a desk job, it is pretty damn near impossible for me to lay down at work and for the short walk, I do trek to the restroom every few hours, but I really don't think it helps. If you have any suggestions let me know.

10 Things About Me...

That you may or may not want to know. Everyone else is doing it so I thought that I would borrow their idea and do one too. Here it goes:

1. I prefer a manual can opener to an electric one. I can never get the electric one to work right, so I just don't bother. As a matter of fact I don't even own an electric can opener.

2. I like fruitcake. Enough said.

3. I don't mind scrubbing the toilets.

4. I have never used illegal drugs, not even once.

5. I have taken someones Thanksgiving day newspaper out of their box because there weren't any left at the stores. You know I gotta have the sales ads for the day after. I only did it after midnight, so apparently they did not need it anyway. Yes, I felt bad about it afterwards.

6. I enjoy shopping for myself more than I do shopping for others.

7. I clean and bake when I am angry.

8. I can't tolerate hair in the bathroom. Yes that means in the shower, on the floor, on the sink. It drives me nuts and I immediately have to clean it up. Did I mention that my husband sheds like a cat?

9. I love my dog Dixie more than I do most people. She just has such a personality. I just love her.

10. All my clothes hang the same way in my closet and they are hanging in order. I have all my pants together, all my shirts together, etc. They are also in color order, all the blue shirts together, all the whites together, you get the point. Have I ever mentioned I am a bit Obsessive/Compulsive?

Anyway now you know these things about me.

Ready...Set...Go...

Okay I will share something about myself with you that only my husband knows. On my commute to work and back home in the afternoons I have to drive for 15 miles or so on this very long, boring highway. It is a divided highway with 4 to 6 lanes depending on where you are at. Anyway, when I get to this roadway I pretend that I am in a race. The light turns green and I am off, weaving my way through traffic and passing all the slow cars. I can even hear the announcer in my head. I know it sounds crazy, that's why I don't tell many people. I have always wanted to be a race car driver. I started watching Nascar about 8 years ago and I love it. No I am not a crazy red neck racing woman or anything like that. I just enjoy watching. I have been to one Nascar race in Atlanta a few years ago and it was awesome. I wish I could have gotten rid of some of the stupid drunk redneck people there, but it was still fun. It is loud and exciting to watch the cars whirl around the track and to see the occasional wreck. Jeff Gordon is my favorite driver. Say what you want about him, I like him. My mom and step-dad are big Nascar fans and I started watching the races on Sundays at their house after dinner and I needed someone to root for, so I picked Jeff Gordon. I picked him partly because they can't stand him. I drive fast and when my husband and child are in the car with me they call me Jeff Gordon. I look forward to my drive home everyday so I can win the big race, even if it is only in my head.

Scary Santa

Just a quick post. Have you ever listened to the words to Santa Claus is Coming to Town? Next time you hear it really listen to the words. He sees you when your sleeping, he knows when your awake... Is this Santa guy a stalker or what? He better watch out he will get arrested for stalking. He knows if you've been bad or good so be good for goodness sake... Or what? Is he also a murderer? Will we be killed or injured if we are not good? Thank goodness most children do not analyze words to songs or we could be raising a generation of paranoid people afraid that Santa will get them.

Move over Martha

While Martha is in prison, I feel that we must carry on. I have become very creative lately, more so than usual. After we got our tree home Saturday night my hubby had to cut a few branches off of the bottom. We had all this greenery left over, so I decided to use it to make some swags or whatever you want to call them. I made 2 of them and they look so pretty, I put a big bow in the middle of them and hung them on the wall.

I also purchased a used entertainment center last week. It has been sitting in the middle of the living room floor since Sunday because we could not decide what we wanted to do with it. I knew it needed paint, but what color? My end tables are off white with a reddish color top, so we could not decide if we wanted to paint the entertainment center a solid color or paint it to match the end tables. We decided last night that I am going to paint it to match the end tables. So that will be my project for the rest of the week and the weekend. I hope to have it finished and in place by Sunday night. I think I can get it done.

Now to change the subject a little bit. What is the deal with the weather here? The forecast is calling for mid to upper 70s all week. How can I get in the holiday spirit when it is too hot to drink warm beverages and have a fire in the fire place? Does anyone have mother nature's e-mail address and I will send her a little note and let her know that we would like some cooler weather. Now don't get me wrong, I don't want freezing weather, just cooler. Maybe highs in the 50s with lows in the upper 30s. That would be Christmas weather.

TIs the season to be WHAT?

Yes I think the song goes Tis the season to be jolly, but I am just not feeling it this year. My weekend was not very good to say the least. I will give you a quick rundown of the good, bad, and the stressful.

I volunteer with my former church to sponsor a weekend lunch team, which once a quarter prepares and serves a meal to the homeless and hungry in our town. This is something that I truly do enjoy doing. I love to cook, although I must admit that cooking for 100 people is quite different than cooking for a family of 3. People from the church are supposed to volunteer to come and help with the preparations and serving. Lots of work goes into preparing a meal for so many people. I really like our meals to be special because this may be the only meal that these people are eating that day. So on the weekends that our team prepares the meal, I meet my co-sponsor at the church kitchen on Friday night to plan the menu and do some prep work, like thawing meats, etc.

Once the menu was planned I had to rush home and change clothes and get my family ready because we had tickets to the Theatre to see our towns production of ANNIE. Dressing my family is stressful. My child has long hair and I have no clue what to do with it. I have short hair for a reason. I hate to fix hair. Finally they were all dressed and in the car. Oops she says I need my jacket, it is cold out here. Okay she should have been getting all this stuff together before we get in the car, but she is 7, what can I say? After my husband and I both go into the house running from room to room looking for her stupid jacket, we have no luck, the jacket is nowhere to be found. I return to the car with the bad news and assure her that we will not let her freeze to death the few minutes that we will be out of the car. We finally get there in one piece and the show was fantastic. I love musicals. If I had a better voice and was more coordinated I would love to do theatre, but since I am not talented in those respects I just enjoy watching. That was the best part of my weekend and it was all down hill from there.

I woke up very early on Saturday morning to get to the church to prepare the meal for Saturday, we serve the meal at 12, so we get started around 10 with the cooking. Before I could go to the church I needed to run by the store and grab a few things that we needed for the meal. Well turns out the town that I live in is having their parade at 10 that morning, so I have to fight my way through the streets and find a new route to the store because the route I would normally go is the parade route and all the streets are blocked off. I hate parades! I finally make it to the store and the church all the while cursing and complaining. I just was not in the best mood. So I get to the church and get more bad news, the youth group isn't coming to help. WONDERFUL, just wonderful. So we have 5 people, including myself to prepare a meal for 100 people, serve it, clean up, you get the idea. There is a lot to do when you have plenty of help, it is a nightmare when you don't have enough help. But we all got in the kitchen and pulled the meal together, and it was delicious and the homeless people were happy. I baked a homemade peach cobbler and it was the star of the meal. Those people just raved about it, which made me feel good. I like to make people happy, especially with my cooking.

After I left the church I had to run home and clean up the back deck and yard of my house because the landlord was coming over to change our locks. The patio was at least an inch thick in leaves and pinestraw. My child did help me clean it up. We had to pretend that we were orphans from ANNIE and sing Hard Knock Life while we raked and swept the leaves and pinestraw into a pile.

Then we had to pick out our Christmas Tree. I normally enjoy this, but for whatever reason our child was being a bratty little miss know it all and in my family I am the only one allowed to be that. So after walking around looking at all the Christmas trees there, we finally found one and convinced her that it was the best tree there. I thought I would just scream if I had to hear about the 9 1/2 foot tree at her mom's one more time, which my husband has seen and he said it is tall but it is skinny. I just wanted to scream!!!!!! We get the tree all netted up and ready to go home and of course the trunk of my car is full of clothes to donate to charity. So when I go to pick up the big black trash bag full of clothes the bag busts and all the clothes start spilling out all over the ground. Can you feel my stress level beginning to rise???My husband and child just thought it was hilarious. I on the other hand, was not amused the least little bit. I really felt a tantrum coming on. I was trying to breathe deep breaths and count, but that doesn't always work. So I calmly went around to the front of the car and got in and closed my door. My hubby picked up the clothes and put them back in to the car so we could get the freakin tree home. Believe it or not it made it there in one piece, except for all its little needles that remain in the trunk of my car. After we rearranged the living room we got the tree into it's stand and it is just beautiful. We wrapped a few gifts and I was anxiously counting down the hours until we got to take her home, so I could whine about my foot hurting and have all my husbands attention. About 15 minutes before we have to leave to take her home I hear him dialing the telephone. So I kindly ask him who is he calling. He informs me that she wants to spend the night again and he is calling her mom. Not that I mind if she spends every night with us, but give me a break, at least run it my me. So there go my chances at any pampering. I went to bed shortly after that. My foot was hurting, my back aching and my feelings crushed, I cried myself to sleep.

Sunday was no better and I will spare you most of the details. We had 4 people Sunday to fix lunch for 100. We got it done, but I was so tired when we left I did not think I would make it home. We did get the lights on the tree, finally at almost midnight last night (which by the way is way past my bedtime on a work night). Why do trees need lights? If I did not like a real tree so much, I would buy a prelit tree and be done with it. Tonight we get to put on the ornaments and we will be done with it. Maybe I can actually enjoy it once we get it decorated.

I am just so stressed out that I can't be jolly this season, but I am working on it. As Annie so wonderfully sings, the sun will come out tomorrow...

Bummed out

I was so excited yesterday. My period was 3 days late. We just knew we were pregnant. We went to the drug store after I got off work and bought a pregnancy test. Went home and peed on the stick, it was negative. We bought the 2 pack so we could do it again this morning. Well there was no need to retest, I started my period at some point last night. I am feeling bummed and sad. We were very excited about the idea of having a baby. My husband was so sweet this morning, he said that when the time is right it will happen. I can't help but doubt myself. What if I am not meant to have children? What if I never have a baby? When I was younger I hated children and always hoped that I would never get pregnant. People say to be careful what you wish for.

It has only been about 6 months that we have been trying, so we have 6 more months to go before the doctor will do any fertility testing. He said that 50% of couples that are trying to conceive do so in the first 6 months, and the other 40% within a year and then there is the 10% that need some sort of fertility treatment. I am thinking of getting an ovulation test kit next month, maybe I am not ovulating. My husband thinks that it is him. He is a type 1 diabetic and he has been for 24 years, so his sperm count may be low or nonexistent. It is fun trying to get pregnant, I like practicing, but it is so heartbreaking every month when you start your period. We have only told a few of our friends that we are trying, we don't want our families to know until we actually conceive, if we ever do. It cuts down on the questions and the looks of disappointment every time we see them. Hopefully we will have good news soon enough, until then we will have fun trying.

Thanksgiving weekend

I'm back finally. It was wonderful having a four day weekend. I hope everyone had a great Thanksgiving. I know I did. It was wonderful. The Friday shopping was great. I got to spend half the day shopping with my oldest sister and her kids. We had an awesome time. Although I really did not buy much stuff. I did get a new Santa christmas watch and a fabulous pair of brown boots, which I really needed. You can never have too many pairs of shoes.

I did take a trip over the holiday weekend. We had Thanksgiving at my moms on Sunday. Most of my immediate family was there. We arrived a few minutes late as usual and my family had already started eating. So my hubby and I went in and loaded our plates with ham, turkey, dressing, etc. On my way out the door to the screened in porch where we always eat. My foot slipped out from under me and I flew down the steps. I landed on my knees and then on down on my hands. My plate and cup landed straight up and I managed to only spill a little bit of my drink. Am I graceful or what? After everyone was sure that I was okay and I stopped crying we all laughed so hard. It was really funny! I wish I had a video of it, I could probably win money. When I got home and took my shoe off and tried to stand barefoot my foot was hurting so bad that I started crying. Of course if I am crying I must be in pain, so hubby is ready to rush me to the ER. I convinced him and myself that it was not broken I just needed to get off of it and prop it up. Well that helped some, but it still hurts, less today. I still can't wear any of my cute shoes and I am dying to wear my new boots, but my foot won't let me.

Other Thanksgiving happenings. I think my sister is on meth. She is bone thin, yet she says that she eats. She is borrowing 5 and 10 dollars from everyone, except me. I think she knows that would be a mistake. She is not acting like her old self. I see an intervention and rehab for Christmas.

My mom had foot surgery yesterday and I went to the hospital with her. It was supposed to be outpatient, but they kept her. I think it is a good thing that they did. She had a bunion removed and a screw put in to straighten her toe. The physical therapist had her get out of bed for the first time since her surgery. She was in major pain. She cried. It breaks my heart to think of my mom in pain. She is such a strong woman. She will get to go home today. I am worried about her, but I think as long as she has pain medicine she will be fine.

Giving Thanks

I just had to post again today because I am off the rest of the week so I will not be posting again until Monday. I did not want my last post before Thanksgiving to be about all my missing jewelry. I wanted it to be something upbeat and positive. So here goes.

Thanksgiving is one of my favorite holidays. The celebration in my family is much like Christmas minus the presents. We have lots to eat and we normally put a smile on and tolerate each other long enough to get through the meal. The women usually wind up sitting together talking and laughing while the men sit on the sofa and watch football and sleep. My family has moved our celebration to Sunday to accomodate everyone's schedule. That works better for me anyway because we spend Thanksgiving day with hubby's family at his great Aunt's house about an hour away. Then my family lives an hour away in the other direction so it would just be too much to be traveling and eating all day, so this way I get to enjoy both families and not have to feel rushed. I plan on meeting up with my oldest sister early on Friday morning to shop. It is a tradition, we must shop the day after Thanksgiving. There is just something about getting up before the sunrise and fighting huge crowds of people to get the best deal on the things that you are buying. In our past shopping trips I have bought more for me than anyone else. This year I will just be going for the fun of it. Who knows maybe I can get some new jewelry.

I do have a lot of reasons to give thanks:
Good health
My husband and family
Great job
Wonderful friends
A sunny disposition
My animals
My fellow bloggers

I know these were kind of general things but if I started listed individual things I would be here all day and I do need to try to get a little bit of work done while I am here. Have a Happy and Safe holiday weekend and I look forward to reading you all on Monday.

I was robbed...

I got home from work last night and discovered that my jewelry box had been emptied. Yes someone came into my home and stole my most precious trinkets, my acccessories. Nothing else was out of place, nothing broken, nothing else missing. We don't know where they came in or how. It had to be someone with a key because there no window was broken no door pried open.

We are renting our house and our landlords are out of town for the holiday. I don't know who all has keys or when the locks were last changed. I just feel sick. I cried and cried and I stopped long enough to call the police, my best friend, and my mom. Then I cried some more. I cried until my body ached and I felt like I would throw up. My jewelry is precious to me, but it isn't worth much on the streets. Most of it will probably wind up in the trash when they find out that it is fake.

All of my jewelry is gone. My class ring. My ex-husbands class ring. The last ring that my dad gave my mom before he died. My charm bracelets and all my precious charms. My turquoise earrings that my sister-in-law gave me for my birthday. My silver bead necklace, bracelet, and earrings. My lady bug bracelet. My turtle ring with movable legs and head. My turtle anklet. My tweety bird watch. My angel earrings. So much other stuff that I can't even remember. Everything except the $10.00 Wal-Mart watch that I was wearing, my favorite silver earrings that I was wearing, and my wedding rings.

I just feel so violated. The cops came and took a report. They said that someone would call me in the next 24 hours and follow up with me. In the meantime I may want to check the pawn shops for my jewelry and if I find any of it to let them know. I was expecting the CSI squad to come rolling into my driveway, jumping out of their cars, putting up the yellow crime scene tape. There were no sirens. They did not even fingerprint or question the neighbors. They did not secure the scene. They did not take any pictures of the crimescene or look for trace evidence. There was no helicopter scouring the neighborhood looking for the perpetrator. Just 2 roly poly policeman asking a few questions. Of course they wanted to know the monetary value of the jewelry. Well I don't know most of it was irreplaceable. How do you put a price on sentimental stuff?

Silver turtle ring with moveable parts....................................$20.00
Class ring......................................................................................$150.00
Angel earrings..............................................................................$75.00
The last ring that your dad gave your mom............................Priceless

Today was our Thanksgiving dinner at work. I ate waaaayyyyyyy too much. The food was delicious! I love food, especially comforting food like we have at the holidays. My boss provided the main staples of the meal and we provided a few desserts and such. I decided I would make homemade cranberry relish.

Has anyone ever had any homemade cranberry relish? It is wonderful and so much better than the canned jelly stuff that usually gets served with turkey and dressing. I went to the grocery store over the weekend and much to my dismay they did not have any cranberries. I could not believe it. I almost went into shock. I guess they are not a hot commodity like you would think. You don't just eat cranberries like you do strawberries and cherries, so most places do not stock them.

I called on Monday and found a grocery store near work that had them. He sounded kind of shocked when I asked him if he had a lot of cranberries, apparently there is not a run on cranberries even this close to Thanksgiving! I ran over on my lunchbreak and picked up 2 bags. I figured I better stock up since they are so hard to find. Who knows maybe I would like them and start cooking more things that included cranberries.

I got ready to make my cranberry-tangerine relish last night, I was so excited. I love trying new recipes. I had never really seen a cranberry, not a real one anyway. I didn't know if they had seeds or pits, the recipe was sort of vague on the topic. So I decided that I would try one and be sure that they were good with no pits or seeds. Okay first of all cranberries are extremely bitter, no one ever bothered to tell me that. So here I am at like 10:00 last night standing in my kitchen trying to drink something to get the bitter cranberry taste out of my mouth. It was awful. No wonder there isn't a run on them at the grocery store. They certainly look better than they taste. So I proceeded to make my recipe and it turned out great. Everyone that ate some said it was delicious and I thought it was too. Amazing what a lot of sugar and boiling can do to change the taste of something. Then when you added the tangerine it was just wonderful.

Just goes to show that sometimes you can take bitter awful things and turn them into something wonderful.

When life hands you lemons make lemonade or put them in your iced tea.

When life hands you cranberries, make cranberry relish.

Happy Anniversary

One year ago today I married my husband. It was such a nice, small quaint ceremony. We got married on the Tennessee River on a dinner cruise. The fall nip was definately in the air, but I was warm and glowing.

We boarded the boat with my husband's child, his mom and sister and my best friend and her husband. We were whisked away to a bar area where my husband was pinned with his boutioneer and I was given my bouquet of flowers. We were all set to be married. The butterflies in my stomach were unreal. Was this all a dream? Was I really marrying this man that I had been in love with for four years? This was crazy, it could not be happening. As we climbed the stairs to the top of the boat I knew I was not dreaming. I knew I wasn't dreaming because the shoes I had on were killing my feet. That is the price we pay for beauty.

We arrived at the top and the minister greeted us there and made sure that he had our names right and he started the cermony with prayer. That is really all I remember, not long after that I started crying and I could not stop. Someone opened up the flood gates and I could not close them. I cried because I was happy I was marrying this wonderful man that I had already shared 4 years of my life with. I cried because I was marrying this family and this child. I cried because my family was not there. I cried for everything good and everything bad in my life. But mostly because I was happy. I was finally getting married again! My husband even got teary eyed. Of course my best friend was crying. Through all the ups and downs of our relationship she had been my shoulder to cry on and my reality check. I finally stopped crying and we kssed to seal our vows. Then it was picture time, after lots and I do mean lots of pictures we headed back down to the dining room. It was beautifully decorated in reds and greens for the upcoming Christmas season. After dinner we headed back upstairs and danced a little bit and let my step child do what she does best, entertain us. She danced and danced. She looked like an angel with her headband of flowers and ribbons and her satin and tulle dress. It was truly a wonderful night, hard to believe that it has been a year. Happy Anniversary to me.

Daddy

The man that you run to when you scrape your knee riding your bike.

The man that scares your boyfriends before you are allowed to go on dates with them.

The man that walks you down the aisle and gives you away in marriage.

Those are just some of the things that a daddy is supposed to do. Notice that list did not include getting cancer and dying before you really even got to know him. No I don't think that is one of the things that a daddy should do, but mine did.

I really don't remember when he got sick. I do remember trips to the hospital in our Easter dresses. The phone calls to tell us gooodnight. That horrible colostomy bag that he had to wear. The funny yellow color of his skin. The final visit at the hospital that Saturday afternoon. The phone call that Sunday morning telling us that he was gone.

I was only 8 at the time and an 8 year old can only comprehend so much. An 8 year old should not have to deal with the death of a parent. The cancer took its toll on all of my family. My mom had married this man when she was 16 and had 4 children with him and now she was facing the rest of her life alone, without this man that she had vowed to love until death do them part. It's funny how when you take those vows, most of us don't take them literally. Here she was facing the death of her husband and raising her kids without a father. My oldest sister had already moved out before daddy got so sick. It was too much for her to handle, watching him die. My 15 year old sister, 11 year old sister and myself were left there, to watch him wither away. A silent killer taking him little by little from our lives. A silent killer taking the strongest member of my family and leaving a huge hole in our family.

Sometimes I think it was easier for me than for my sisters because I could not comprehend a lot of what was going on. I do have some memories of him though. When I try to remember, the images just flash through my mind like a slide show. The memories are fading with the passing of time, I now have new memories to replace the ones of him.

I remember the funeral and how surreal it was. There were so many people there. His own dad did not come though, he could not deal with the death of his only son.

I grieve now because I could not grieve then. I did not know how to grieve then, I was only a child. I have a recurrent dream that I wake up in my old house and walk into the living room and he is there sitting on the sofa, crocheting (something my sister taught him how to do after he got sick and could not work), fire in the fire place. He looks at me and smiles. Then I wake up. I have had this dream for as long as I can remember. It is so real that the first few times that I had it I actually got up and went into the living room only to find the sofa empty, no fire in the fire place, no one smiling at me. I missed so much by not having a father. He was not there to give me away at my weddings, he was not there for my high school graduation, he will not be there for the birth of my children. For those things I grieve.

Christmas Wish List

I think I will post a Christmas list so you all can see what I won't be getting this Christmas, not that I don't want these things, but with our financial situation the way it is the probability of me getting these items is like 1 in a million. Anyway here goes:

CD player for my car (mine broke and it is boring having no other option but the radio)

Digital camera/camcorder (ooh fun, home movies)

Clothes (you can never have too many of them)

New tall black boots (what girl doesn't need a pair?)

Dressy watch

Diamond Earrings (I have been asking for these for 2 years)

Bath and Body Works bath stuff

Sexy lingerie (I cleaned out mine the other day and got rid of all the too small stuff)

That is all that I can think of right now, there are some CDs that I would like to have, but I cannot think of who they are at the moment. I may add to this as I think of things that I really want. I know that I will not get that much from my family but my husbands family goes all out. I know that his mom and sister have already been shopping for me because they called hubby one day to ask something about a gift that they were buying for me.

I have so much fun buying for others too. I have gotten a lot of my shopping done already. I think I will sit down tonight and make a list of the things that I have already bought. Gift giving...so much fun. Gift getting...priceless.

One Holiday at a time please....

I am sitting at my desk this morning watching the rain pour from the sky when what do I hear coming from my radio? Yes, you guessed it, CHRISTMAS MUSIC! For the love of GOD can we please get through Thanksgiving before we are bombarded with Christmas. It is stressful enough to think about how close it is but to be reminded in every other song is yet another story. Can we please enjoy the Thanksgiving season for just a little bit before we are rushed on to Christmas? People have plenty to be thankful for maybe they just need to slow down and enjoy one holiday at a time. Don't get me wrong I love Christmas, but I start the Christmas season after Thanksgiving.

Little Things

I am such a lucky woman. I think I have the best husband in the world. He is such a wonderful father and husband. Of course he does get on my nerves sometimes and I am sure that I do things that get on his nerves, but for the most part we have a good relationship. He is my best friend and confidant.

His boss let him off work early today and he called me to see if I could rearrange my lunch so he could take me to lunch. Of course my gracious office assistant changed her lunch time so I could go to lunch with my husband. Eating did not take that long so after we got finished we went to the park close to my office. We did not get out of the car because it is cold and rainy here today. We sat in the car at the deserted park and kissed and fondled each other like teenagers. Then he reaches in the back seat and gives me a card that he had gotten me. It was a really cute card that he wrote such nice things in. Then he holds out his hand and he had gotten me the most beautiful color nail polish. How sweet was that? I just melted. He always does the little things. Sometimes it is the little things that really add up.

Themesongs

If your life were a television show, what would be your themesong? Mine would definately be "Unwell", by Matchbox 20. The words to this somg describe me to a T. It is rather frightening. Let me share some of the words with you.

I'm not crazy, I'm just a little unwell
I know right now, you can't tell
But wait around and then you'll see
a different side of me.

That's me. I can change on a dime. One minute I can be happy and laughing and then something just clicks inside me and I am a different person. I have been that way as long as I can remember and I guess I will always be that way. My husband says that I am like Dr.Jekyll and Mr.Hyde. It is great to be me!

Halloween, Psychiatrists, and Birthdays

Well I know you are all wondering if I am pregnant. Aren't you on the edge of your seat??? The answer is NO, a big fat NO! My monthly visitor came Sunday afternoon. It took a lot of the fun out of being at home for Halloween trick or treating. I mean who wants to hand out candy to cute little children when your heart is broken because you may never have one? Hubby was so sweet, we haven't been trying that long, if nothing happens soon we will go get tested, blah, blah, blah! A few tears later I was fine, no really I am fine! Diappointed, but okay with it. Everything happens for a reason, at least that is what I would like to believe.

SO I made a deal with myself last week that if I was not pregnant, then I was going to lose about 10 pounds. My fall and winter clothes are snug and some of my favorite things don't fit, so I need to shed a few pounds. Sunday night as we watched T.V. I got into the floor and stretched out my muscles and did a few exercises. I drug out my dumb-bells and lifted them in various ways until my arms felt like they would fall from my body. I woke up early Monday morning and went walking, dumb-bells in hand. Hubby said that he would go with me, but I felt like it was something that I needed to do alone. I needed to breathe that cool morning air and clear my head. I drank so much water yesterday and today I could pass for a fountain and if I keep it up I will have to move my desk closer to the bathroom. Hopefully I can stick to it and lose at least 10 pounds and be the size I was a year ago when I got married. I did not go for a walk this morning because I had to go vote (see my previous post), but I will walk again in the morning. If I could just make exercise a habit, maybe it would get easier.

I just got off the phone with a friend that I have not talked to in a few months. She has 2 kids and it is very hard for her to talk on the phone with them screaming in the background, so we don't talk as much as we should. Anyway she has left her husband and taken the children to stay with her parents. I am still in shock. She is married to her high school sweetheart and they are such a sweet couple. Evidently they have some issues that they need to work out. So she said that they are in marriage counseling and that her hubby is going to a Psychiatrist. I just think that is wonderful, so many men would never go to a marriage counselor, much less a Psychiatrist, but he is. I hope they work things out. Divorce can be such an ugly thing and it is so hard on the kids not having both parents all the time. I see it almost everyday in my (step)child.

We had a birthday party for my dog (child), Dixie yesterday. We did not invite any other dogs or anything, just a small family celebration. My hubby, child and I all sat around Dixie in the kitchen floor and sang Happy Birthday to her and then she ate her cake that I baked for her. It was a mini bundt cake with a little bit of frosting drizzled on the top. I got her a new toy and some snausages treats, she loves getting new stuff. She does act a lot like me. She is such a good dog. I just think she is an angel. Is it strange to have a birthday party for your dog? If it is don't tell Dixie she may just get offended, she likes a party as much as the next pooch.

Election Day

It is finally here! Election day. I was up and out of my house by 7 this morning so I could stand in line to cast my vote. Have you voted yet? Most of my co-workers went before work and the ones who didn't are going after work. It is always so exciting to go vote. Eveytime you vote you make history, especially women. You know we (meaning women) have not always had the right to vote, it is something that our fore mothers had to fight for and of course we won. So I believe that all women should vote and take an active roll in our government. Enough of letting men make all the decisions! Get out there women cast your vote, it does make a difference.

Blogrolling and such

Okay now I am a little perturbed! I just created this entry and when I went to publish it, it disppeared on me. Said that it could not find the server type of message and when I used the back key to get back to my post the title was here, but the content was gone, so I will try to recreate.

I got a phone call today from my best friend. She wanted to know if she could come and have lunch with me. Well of course you can! I was so glad that she called me, we do not get to see each other nearly enough. I was also excited to see her because the last time I saw her we were highlighting her hair fuschia. Yes that "Chunky Girl" is my best friend and I just love her. I also love having a lunch date. It breaks the monotony of the day. We went to eat mexican food as we usually do when she comes to lunch with me, unless we are really broke then we go to Krystal's, fresh, hot, small squares. Had a wonderful lunch, fabulous conversation, we got a chance to fill each other in on the happenings in our lives. Now I am back from lunch looking at all the paperwork on my desk, but strangely enough I just don't feel like working. Not doing much work today while I am here is an option today because the boss and his other half are out of town. YAY! You know what they say, "When the wolf is away, the sheep will play." haha...I say that because I think my boss is a werewolf, therefore his family are also werewolves. I wonder if they had some sort of celebration last night for the full moon. I wonder if they slaughtered and ate many people last night? I will have to check the missing persons report for the town that they are in. Anyway, do you see how my mind works? Everything is a complete distraction. One minute I can be thinking about something else then another thought enters my head and BAM there I go off on another path of thought. If we could get inside people's heads, my passengers would need a seatbelt and a helmet. (Please keep your arms and legs inside the ride at all times.) Sometimes it is really tiring being me, well most of the time. Anywho back to my original thought, after lunch my best friend came back to the office with me and helped me insert my blogroll into my blog! How cool is that. Now when I read interesting people, I can just add them to my blogroll and there they are for my reading pleasure. Since the boss is away I have decided that today should be work on my blog day. That just means that I have to work that much harder tomorrow. Nah, I am just kidding. Most of my work here is not trackable, so I think I am safe. Thank you best fiend for helping me to update my blog! You are awesome!

High blood pressure

My Thursday started off like a normal Thursday. Everything was nice and quiet in the office. I had gotten a lot accomplished by lunch time. Then I had lunch with my bestest friend. We vented about men and told deep dark secrets that friends can only share with each other. I think we both already knew the others secrets, its just something about having someone else validate your feelings about things. After lunch I had to return to work, which was okay because my boss was leaving. His parents are house hunting and he had cleared his schedule to spend the afternoon going from house to house to point out the good and the bad on each one.

My co-worker decided that we should rearrange her office. I must tell you that her office is much smaller than mine. Her office is not much bigger than a broom closet. So I went back to help her rearrange, which entails moving a VERY heavy desk. I am not a very strong person, but it is amazing how you have strength when you need it. So me and 2 of my co-workers pushed and pulled until we got the monstrosity moved, then we could not open the door. FABULOUS! So we moved the desk some more. Then the drawers would not open. So we pillaged an empty office and got a smaller desk and moved the monstrosity out and the smaller desk in. After much hard work and sweat we finally had both of the desks moved. Did I mention that it was a humid 80 degrees here yesterday and I was dripping with sweat? It was just lovely! We finally finished the transformation just in time to clock out and go home yesterday. Well I go into her office this morning and she has arranged the furniture the same way that it was before we started! Some people just make me wonder.

In the midst of all the furniture moving and rearranging yesterday afternoon I was also on the phone with my insurance company. I have several policies with this company and have for years. I have life insurance with them that I bought nine years ago when I got married the first time. Yes October 20 would have been my 9 year anniversary! Anywho... When I got married the first time we took out life insurance, not realy big policies, but enough to take care of things should either of us die. Well I have since then remarried and I have a new life insurance policy now with a different company, but I have continued to have the premiums taken out of my checking account monthly. I decided that I would check in to cashing the policies in, evidently the ex is not going to die like I had hoped so there is really no reason for me to keep the policy. I called my friendly insurance agent who informed me that my ex's policy had been transferred to another agent. WHAT? So she called the other agent and all they would tell her was that I was not the owner of the policy or the payor on the policy, so they could not tell her anything about the policy. They were citing the Privacy Acts and all that crap. Those privacy acts and all are only good if you are the one being protected. I asked my friendly insurance agent what I needed to do to get the payments stopped from being drafted from my account, since I am not the payor. She tells me that there is nothing that I can do because I am not the payor on the account. So I called my bank. Of course they can issue a stop payment but it does not come with any guarantees and it cost nearly that same as the monthly premium. So needless to say I was livid. My blood pressure had to be through the roof. Maybe that was where I got the strenght to move the desks. So finally I started trying to call the agent where the policy had been moved. After about 45 minutes of calling I finally got someone on the phone, who was as nice as she could be. I wanted her to be a smart ass to me so I could take all my frustrations out on her, but she was too nice. She said they would take care of it. Today I am going to call back over there and see if my ex requested that the policy be changed or if it just by some fluke got changed.

The rest of the night was much better. Had dinner at my in laws house and my sister-in-laws friends were there with their 1 year old little boy. he was so sweet and cute. That is the second time this week that we have seen them and they have had a small child with them. My co-workers say that they are trying to send us a message. If they only knew how hard we were trying!

Friday thoughts...

I am in a fabulous mood this Friday! The weather here is wonderful. It is breezy and a cool 65 degrees. I love it, it just makes me want to snuggle up with my hubby and a warm cup of Chai. Unfortunately I am at work and so is he. So instead I will just look at the wonderful weather out my office window. Yes I have 3 windows in my office, I am so lucky.

Are you wondering why I am in a fabulous mood? Well I will tell you. I went last night to get my hair cut and it looks so good. It is just amazing to me that no one else has been able to get my hair to stick out like this and now it is just sticking out and looking so cute. I absolutely love my hair dresser. I started to going to her after she did such a great job on my best friend's hair. I was skeptical at first, I have had many people do my hair and it is always cute when I leave the salon and then the next day I have no idea what to do with it. I am not good at fixing my hair. My awesome hairdresser gave me some really nifty stuff that helps your flat hair stick out, but it doesn't really make your hair look like it has stuff in it. Thank God for my hairdresser. I left there feeling like a million bucks, well I guess I felt like a million, since I have never touched a million it is really hard to say.

My husband has been writing me these naughty emails during the day! I just love it. He is so descriptive in his writing, I could just have an orgasm thinking about it. Anyway after I got my fabulous hair cut I went home and cooked dinner. Then I jumped in the shower and washed all the cut hair off of me. Then when I got out we acted out the email that he had written me. It was mind blowing. I have not had an orgasm like that in quite sometime. Not that I don't have orgasms, I do, just not usually so powerful. Then we snuggled for a while before our favorite show came on.

This is also my ovulation weekend. I think maybe that is another reason that I am in a good mood. I am always horny around that time. I had the baby dream last night. It was really weird, very real. I was pregnant and it was my due date. For some reason I was ready to have the baby, but not go to the hospital because it was not time. Well this EMT kept coming to my house and checking to see if I was dialated any more. I told you it was weird. Only I was never dialated anymore and I could not remember my nine months of pregancy. I woke up scratching my head about that one. What does it all mean? Did that wonderful sex last night fertilize me? Am I pregnant?

That poses another stressful point for me. You know I have decreased my happy pills, and I think I am doing great, except for the anxiety. I get stressed or anxious about things and I have a hard time catching my breath. Like now I am thinking about being a mother and I can't breathe. I have all these doubts about my abilities to raise a child and give selflessly to another human being. This is not the only thing that causes me shortness of breath. Last night after cuddling we watched one of our favorite shows, CSI. Well if anyone else watched it, it just really got to me. It was about a 12 year old that was conceived to be a cure for her brother with leukemia. Well long story short the brother was not cured and after several bone marrow transplants and blood transfusions he killed her because he was tired of her being used for his treatment. It just really stressed me out. The it makes you wonder if you had a sick child, would you conceive another one just to save the first ones life? I really struggled with that last night and came to the conclusion that I do not know what I would do, and I hope I never have to find out. I just pray for anyone who has ever had to deal with the terminal illness of a child. My heart truly goes out to them.

Don't want to end my post on a negative note. This is also the weekend that my family is getting together. I am so excited. I have 3 sisters and 6 neices. I have not seen 2 of my sisters or any of my neices since Mother's Day. I miss them. We only live about an hour or so from each other but we lead such busy lives that we never get to see each other. My oldest sister has 3 children, 2 teenagers and a 4 year old, and they are all involved in different sports and extra curricular activites. Another of my sisters has 3 daughers also, but she does not have custody of any of them, they all live with their dads. 2 of them will be there tomorrow. My mom, grandma, other sister and step-dad will also be there. I have gifts for the 2 oldest neices (16 & 17), they had birthdays this week. I have got to get a gift for my oldest sister, her birthday is next Saturday. I have to go home tonight and make pork bar-b-que and a cake to take to the get together. It will be wonderful to see everyone. I just hope we can all get along for the few hours that we will be together. My hubby is dreading tomorrow. I think he would rather have a root canal. I have told him that he does not have to go, I will make up some excuse for him. Deep down in his very being he knows it is his responsibility to go with me. So he will grin and bear it and pretend to be enjoying himself, even though I know he won't be. I will be enjoying myself and that is all that counts, they are my family and despite all of their short comings I love them.

Ramblings

It has been a while since my last post, Friday to be exact. Let me catch you up on my life. Saturday morning I had to go to a Cheer Expo with my (step) child! Whoopee, lots of little kids trying to do big girl cheers. It is just the way I like to start my Saturday! My hubby and I sat at the top of the bleachers and made comments about the other cheer leaders and coaches. Got to see his ex-wife, that is always a treat. I made sure I was looking my best too. Why do I do this, it is not like it matters. He is married to me now and she is remarried also. I guess I just want people to think that he really moved up in this world when he got me. Great for my ego!!!

After the Cheer Expo, we were off to the fair. My hubby's mom and sister met us there. We had a really good time. Got to see the Mid-State's finest citizens. There truly are some scary individuals roaming around places such as the fair. We ate lots of fried foods and my child likes to play all the games so we spent a small fortune on games. I also rode some rides. That is something that I have not done since highschool. I had to go into a few funhouses with my child and I rode 1 ride with her. Then we had tickets left over and my child was tired of riding so my sister-in-law rode 2 rides. We laughed until we cried. It was really fun. I think sometimes when we grow up we think that we should act a certain way and we forget that it is okay sometimes to just let our hair down and have fun. Well we got home after midnight from the fair and my hubby, child and I fell asleep on the sofa watching "The Wizard of Oz".

Sunday morning I realized that I am not as young as I used to be. I felt like a truck had hit me. Parts of my body ached that I did not remember were there. My poor feet felt like I had walked on hot coals. (Not that I know what that feels like, but you catch my drift.) After the child went home with her mom and hubby and I laid around and napped most of the day, we decided it was time to go to the store and get dog food and a few other things that we were out of. Fast forward through the shopping trip and drive home. Hubby decides to ruin the evening and pick a fight with me. Really I am sure that it was about nothing, just the double standards that so many of us have in our relationships. For example, it is not alright to plan things with my family, but we do everything with his family. Not that I want to do a lot with my family, but when I do, I really don't want to have to hear his bullshit. Don't get me wrong I love his family, but for goodness sake he could at least pretend that he likes my family. After a night of not speaking we are fine now.

Yesterday of course was a holiday, but I was at work. I worked very hard yesterday, barely took time to check my email. My hubby was off so he came and took me to lunch. It was nice to go to lunch with him. When I first started this job and he was working at a different place we went to lunch together almose every day. I miss that sometimes. Although most of the time now lunch is spent running errands or occasionally eating with my Grandmother, who lives at an assisted living facility down the street. I need to eat with her more often, but it just takes so much energy for me to go there. It makes me sad to see all those people there, most of them have had strokes or have alzheimers or some physical ailment. It makes me sad to think back to my childhood and the person that she was before she had a stroke. She was active for her age, she is 85, she was always going somewhere or doing something. She still lived in her house, by herself, but close to her children. It is just sad to get old, her mind is still as sharp as a tack, but her body is not. She is in a wheelchair and she can barely get around. Enough about my Grandmother, it is really depressing me.

Just to update you on my progess on taking myself off of the crazy pills. I am down to half a pill a night. I feel the same as I did when I was taking a whole pill. I am trying to get up in time in the mornings to go walking and do a little exercise before work, but so far, I have not succeeded. I did manage to touch my toes a few times this morning and do some stretches before my shower. I just know that if I could exercise I would feel better. But honestly I would rather sleep those 30 extra minutes in the mornings. Maybe I can convince hubby to get up with me in the morning and motivate me to exercise. That does count as exercise doesn't it??? Well enough for now, the boss is due back to the office any minute.

Another day

Thank God it is Friday! The one weekday that I absolutley love. I love it because it is the end of the work week and because normally I don't cook on Fridays. It is also especially nice at work because my boss's wife does not grace us with her presence on Fridays. If we are really lucky he does not grace us with his either. It has truly been a good day at work. The boss left at around 11 or so this morning and it has been a nice quiet unproductive day at the office. I put a fresh coat of polish on my nails, talked to my bestest friend on the phone, checked my e-mail. I also had a chance to browse some other blogs. It is so much fun. There are truly some funny people out there.

I really have nothing to write about today. This morning on my drive into work I was full of ideas, but my mind is continuously wandering, so if I have a good idea or dream and I don't write it down, it is forever gone. One thing I will write a little about is my mental disorder. I have decided to stop taking my happy pills. They have done like all the happy pills before them and just quit working. I have no sex drive (really bad), I am so tired everyday (bad), and I just don't really think they are working like they should. I think I would be happier if I had some energy and wanted sex more! Well if the little happy medicine keeps those 2 things at bay then how can I be happy. Anyway, I am slowly weining myself off of it and will see what happens. What is the worse thing that will happen? I will have a nervous breakdown and take a vacation to the place with the padded rooms. Is it really that bad? I have had some of the "withdrawals" today such as headache and dizziness. I know that these will get better with time. I just hope that I can feel better on my own without the meds. This is not the first time that I have decided to stop taking the meds, but I know that I need to, especially if I am going to have a baby. I may need to start back taking them after the baby comes, but that is a whole other story.

Road Rage

While driving home yesterday I was completely frustrated by people's ignorance to common road rules. Is it not true that if you are on a 4 lane highway and you choose to drive slower than all the other cars on the road you should get into the right lane. Does that make sense? Has anyone else ever heard that? Well apparently the people driving with me in my commute have never heard of that. So here I am constantly in a hurry no matter where I am going trying to weave my way through the slow cars to my destination. Do other drivers really just not get it? If you are driving in the left lane and all the traffic is riding up to your bumper then passing you, don't you think you should get over? Who taught these people how to drive? I think that in order to get your driver's license you should have to drive on the freeway. Who needs to know how to parallel park? I mean parallel parking is great, but if you can't parallel park, I doubt it will get you killed. On the other hand if you can't drive on major roadways, like freeways, it will get you killed. I can see how people get road rage and kill others. There have been many days that I have thought if I only had a gun, there would be one less bad driver on the road. I try to enjoy my commute, I like to use it as a time to relax and reflect, but when I have to contend with no driving idiots it just really stresses me out. Whew! I feel better now, maybe I can get to work.

Baby disappointment

Well for about 3 months now my husband and I have not been using birth-control. We decided that if we were going to have children together we should probably get started. After many long talks we agreed that I would stope taking the pill and just see what happens. Well what happens is not always great. My periods are worse, my cramps are sometimes unbearable, and the mood swings... I won't even go there. Anyway, I did not start this weekend like I normally do, so Sunday afternoon I had gotten a little bit excited. I think that is a natural reaction to the thought of having a baby, from a planned pregnancy no less. So leaving the grovcery store I ask my hubby does he realize that we may be pregnant. His response was not the response that I was expecting. He looked at me and says that yes he had thought about it and frankly that it made him nauseated. Well okay, what is a correct response to that??? So I get this dumbfounded look on my face trying to choke back the tears as he goes on to explain that financially, blah, blah, blah, he hasn't had a child in 7 years, blah, blah, blah. HELLO! I have never had a child. I am just looking for a little excitement on his part. So we ride home in silence. He asks me later on after we get home what is wrong with me. What does he think is wrong with me? So I sulked for a while and then I went to the bathroom and guess what??? Yep, you guessed it we aren't having a baby. So I casually walk into the den and tell him that he can stop worrying, we aren't having a baby. Of course he did not think that was a very nice way to tell him. Needless to say it was a quiet night in my house. I went to bed feeling disappointed, because even though we aren't "trying" to get pregnant, I think it would be great to have a baby. Then there are other times when I think mother nature knows what she is doing and when and if the time is right it will happen. If it never does, I will be disappointed but I do enjoy the freedom that not having children has afforded us.

Getting Older

Well I know I am still young, but aging is something we must all do. I was at work today and I looked at my hands and I realized how old they look. How do other people deal with aging? The wrinkles in my face are getting deeper and deeper and I am starting to sag and get stretch marks. I feel like so much of my youth has been wasted and unappreciated. Did my mom and grandmother look in the mirror one day and not recognize the face staring back? Our mind is an amazing thing. It is amazing how in my mind I look like I did when I was 20, yet I catch a glimpse of myself in the mirror and I realize that is really what I look like, a pudgy nearing thirty wife. I am no longer the bouncy, cheerful, flirty young woman that I was once. Instead i am turing into my mom. It is hard to deal with sometimes. I just want to close my eyes and be younger and carefree again. I remember how big everything looked as a child and how beautiful everything seemed. I guess the longer you look at things, the more you take their beauty for granted. I try to see the world through my (step)child's eyes and sometimes that is just wonderful. Like laying on a blanket in the park staring up at the clouds and naming the things that they are shaped like, making funny faces and telling silly stories. I think we should spend more time as adults doing things like that instead of say cleaning house or worrying about bills. So many parents today don't take the time to enjoy the simple things in life like clouds and rain, When is the last time you took your shoes off and rolled up your pants and splashed in mud puddles in the rain? When is the last time you truly laughed until your face hurt and you cried? I can tell you it has been a long time for me. Hopefully I can take my own advice and start appreciating the small things and know that the laundry will be there when I am done.