Happy New Year

I have no big plans for New Years eve. We will have our child so we will probably play Barbies or something until time to sing Auld Lang Syne. That is fine with me, New Years parties are usually overrated and I am much happier with my family at home than a group of strangers partying.

It was so hard coming back to work yesterday after being at home for 5 days. I could so be a stay at home mom, but I need a child to make that work. Oh well if you have been with me for a while you know that we are working on that and I must report that I am 4 days late starting my period, so I may get a baby for the new year. Keep your fingers crossed and I will keep you posted.

I had a real mommy experience last night. You all know that I have a 7 year old step-child that we have a good bit of the time. Anyway she was at our house last night and we were in her room playing. Well she smashed her finger in the chair that she was sitting in. My hubby was in the kitchen cooking (like all good hubby's should be). I grabbed her and she started crying of course because her finger was like purple. So I sat in the bean bag and held her and rocked her back and forth and comforted her until her dad could get back there. Before he got there though I had already made her laugh and she was laughing with huge crocodile tears running down her cheeks. It made me feel good to be able to comfort her, usually she wants her dad when things happen. I love that child.

Well I will be off again until Monday, so I will post again then. Have a safe and wonderful New Year!

Paranoia

Is that how you spell it? I am paranoid that something bad is going to happen to me today. I will tell you why, I know you are just dying to find out. On my way to work this morning I came to the stop sign at the end of my street and there was a lady standing there on the corner. I had to let my window down to see if the coast was clear for me to pull out because the windows were fogged. Anyway when I let the window down she approached my car and asked if I could help her because she had ran out of gas. Well I did indeed see the car that appeared to be stranded and she was not by herself. She was like 2 blocks from the gas station. Anywho I looked at my watch and told her that I had to get to work or I would be late. She said Thank you anyway and I drove off on my merry little way. Well then I started feeling bad. I should have turned around and went to my house and gotten my gas can and taken her to the store and gotten her some gas for her car. What if that were me, I would want someone to help me. I just can't help but being skeptical about people. Lots of bad things happen to unsuspecting people these days and you just can't be too careful. I always try to help others when I can, but when I am traveling on the road alone I feel like I am a target for evil instead of a doer of good. Lately there have been a rash of bad things happening in the town that I live in and I am paranoid that I could be an easy target. A lady's purse got snatched in her own yard yesterday! How ridiculous is that? All I could think about was that she probably had a gun and she would make me drive to the ATM and make me take out my money and then shoot me and take my car and leave me for dead. So because I did not help someone who asked me this morning I feel something bad may happen to me. Is that just crazy or what?

Christmas is over!

Yah! Christmas is over. I am back at work today after a much needed break. I have been trying to catch up on everyone's blog and read your stories of Christmas today. My Christmas was wonderful. I don't know that I ever really got into the spirit, but the gifts were wonderful. I know that is not what Christmas is all about, but it sure does help.

I was off on Christmas Eve and I woke up early to prepare the goodies that I had to take to my sister's house that afternoon. Five hours later I was in the shower getting ready for the Christmas eve party at my sister's. When we finally arrived my hubby disappeared to the den to watch football with the other men and I took my place in the kitchen helping my sister finish up her cooking and get all the food arranged. We always have a smorgasboard of finger foods on Christmas eve. Sausage balls, cookies, divinity, butterscotch haystacks, cheese balls and crackers, you get the picture. After I ate 2 plates of food (hey, I was really hungry), we settled in to the den to open gifts. My family is not a rich bunch of people by any means, so there were not many gifts and most of them were for my neices, which was fine with me. I did get a new pair of earrings, a necklace, and a pin from my sister. That was the extent of my gifts there. My mom did not buy Christmas gifts this year because she had foot surgery a month ago and has been off work without pay and my other 2 sisters are just sorry as hell and did not get anyone anything. I really should not have gotten them anything, but I did. Not anything too good, just a shirt, but still it was something for them to open. My sorry sisters made out better than me and my oldest sister. Next year it will be framed pictures of me all around! I better start posing!

Christmas at my house was fun. We got to pick up our child at 5 from her mom's and then we went home to see what Santa had left for her. He left her so much stuff and what he did not leave for her we got her. She got tons of Barbie stuff. Have you seen the Grandparent Barbie's? We have grey hair and wrinkles, they are adorable. She got a huge stuffed dog, twin baby dolls, play food, lots of other stuff. When she finally looked at everything that Santa brought her, we all went in to the other room to open our gifts from each other. I got a new poncho, jewelry, a boy baby in a carrier (more on that later), some sweaters, a sweat shirt that has Grumpy Bear from the Care Bears on it and it says "Dear Santa, I've been Grumpy!". I also got a charm bracelet and some charms. My favorite gift was from my child and it is a charm that has 2 hearts and one heart says mother and the other one says daughter. I just started crying! It was so sweet. I think of her as my daughter, but I have never and will never try to replace her mother. My husband said she picked it out all by herself and she looked at him and asked if she could get it because I am like her mom and sometimes she thinks of me like her mom. Is that not just the sweetest thing that a step-child can say to you?

After all the gift opening at our house it was time to head to the in-laws for dinner and more gifts. My hubby's family is not rich either, but they are shop-a-holics. My mother-in-law had already told me that she had bought more stuff for me than she did for anyone else and she finally had to write at the bottom of my list of things that she had bought me, "This has got to stop!" I was very excited about Christmas there. This would be the first Christmas with them when they really knew me and I truly felt like a part of the family. I wish I had a picture of what the living room looked like before we started opening gifts. There were gifts everywhere! So many gifts that it looked like the shop-a-holics Christmas party. My hubby's mom's family were mostly all there and with them came more gifts. It was awesome. My mother-in-law has decorating in her blood so all of her gifts had beig beautiful ribbon and hand tied bows on them. Finally we started handing out gifts. It took 4 people to give out all the gifts. I was one of the four. My presents were all piling up on the floor and I could hardly wait to open them. Everyone else was ooing and ahhing over their gifts. I am always happy when people like the gifts that we get them. I usually put a lot of thought into gift giving. We were done handing out gifts, so I sat down in front of my mountian of gifts and my child came over and helped me open them. I got new black boots, a jacket, shirts, pajamas, jewelry, a cookie jar, a scarf, Burt's Bees lip balm, a wallet, socks, dishes, a hand painted vase. I can't remember what else, but I assure you I liked it. I also got a huge stocking full of stuff like nail polish, a watch, etc. I love my hubby's family, not just because they give good gifts but because they are a great family. We stayed at their house until it started sleeting. Yes, sleeting in middle Georgia on Christmas. I could not believe my eyes. It is the closest thing that we have had to snow on Christmas ever!

Merry Christmas...

I have some great news. I still have 24 hours of vacation time left (can you believe it). Last year I was begging to use my sick time to go on my honeymoon! If we don't use our time, my boss has to pay us for it. He came in this morning and asked me what was I going to do with my 24 hours of vacation time. I reminded him that I have Monday off and suggested to him that I could take Tuesday too if he wanted me too. It is not like my work is going to go anywhere if I am not here. Funny enough he agreed and so now I have a five day weekend!!! Mini-vacation. My hubby has to work Monday and Tuesday so I will have some me time to clean the house and pack up the Christmas decorations. I am so excited. SO anyway all that said it means I will not be here to post anything on my blog until next Wednesday. Nearly a week and no blogging, I think I will have withdrawals. I so enjoy reading everyone else's posts, it keeps me entertained. So don't forget me while I am gone and I may try to sneak in a post ot two during that time. I will catch up on everyones blog as soon as I get back if not before then.


I sincerely hope that everyone has a very merry Christmas and gets everything they want or at least likes what they get!

Be safe and please don't drink and drive. I need all my blogger friends safely here in blogger world to keep me entertained.

Merry Christmas to all and to all a good night!!!

Being honored

My best friend is preparing to move soon and I am extremely sad. The news of the move came last week and has done its share of bringing me down for the holidays. We have known for a long time that it was a possibility that she and her family would eventually move to the middle of nowhere to be near his family, but we just never really expected the day to come so soon. It is only abour an hour or so from me, but it seems like an eternity. He was offered a job last week near the town where his family lives and he decided to take the job. In the past week or so they have put their house on the market, sold their house, and packed up most of their belongings for the move. She has been so busy, we have barely seen each other. She did call me yesterday and update me on the progress of finding a new house and we made plans to get together Thursday and exchange gifts. She also mentioned to me that she had sent me an invitation to guest post on her blog. How honored I was when I received the invitation. So I posted today on her blog, check it out if you want to, I still don't know how to link in a post so I will just tell you to click on Well Fed Pheonix in Daily Distractions and you will be there.

Quick Update
Score on the battle with the crud that has attacked me: Crud-6 Me-0
Yes it is truly whipping my ass. I feel like crap. My ears are stopped up and my nose is stuffy. My skin is so dry from the medicines it is beginning to look like the desert. I have put on so much moisturizer and chap-stick in the last few days I should own stock in the company. I am finding it difficult to apply make-up to my parched face because it is also peeling from the constant wipe of the tissue after I sneeze. The Christmas pictures should be just beautiful this year with me playing the part of Rudolph. Something truly amazing happened yesterday when I blew my nose... stuff came out of my tear duct in my eye. Has that ever happened to anyone else? My husband told me it had happened to him when he was sick, but I don't think it is normal. Oh well not much that happens to me is normal now is it?

Christmas Spirit

I just can't get into the Christmas spirit this year. Normally I am all in the spirit and so excited about Christmas, but this year I am not. I really don't know why. In the years past I have counted down the days with excitement and joy, but this year I am counting them down with anxiety and dread. I am angry at myself for not being in the holiday mood because I know as soon as it is over I will feel like I missed it. In essence I am missing it. What is it that puts us in the holiday spirit? I normally sing Christmas songs from the day after Thanksgiving until Christmas night, but this year the holiday songs are getting on my nerves and I can't bear to listen to the holiday music channel. I have done all my shopping and wrapped all the gifts. I have walked through Bethlehem at the local church and heard the story of the true meaning of Christmas. I have shopped for the foods that I will prepare for Christmas eve and Christmas day. I have made some wonderful confections that I give to people like my hairdresser, mailman, etc. What is missing? Why can I just not find that Christmas spirit?

I don't feel well

I want my mommy! I have the crud. My valiant efforts to evade this horrible sickness have failed. I have succumbed to the illness. I just want to close my eyes and sleep, but I have way too much work to do. My nose is stuffed up, my head hurts, my throat hurts, my eyes hurt. My head feels like a bowling ball and my shoulders are having problems balancing its weight. I slept a good part of yesterday and took lots of medications, only to still feel like poop today. To top it all off it is the coldest weather ever here. It was 18 degrees last night. I enjoy cold weather as much as the next person, but that is freakin ridiculous. Must go....find medication...

We interrupt this broadcast to bring you ...

breaking news. My betta fish is dying. The orange one. He is about 2 years old and that is old for a betta. He has been geriatric for a while now. I have been crushing his little pieces of food so he could eat them. I came in this morning and he is just lying at the botttom of the bowl still moving just a tad, but it could just be nerves.

Orange Fish
Orange fish, 2, of Macon, Georgia passed away Thursday in his bowl after a brief illness.
He is survived by his adopted mother, Samantha, and brother Toto (the blue betta). He is
preceded in death by his brothers, Red fish and Blue fish. He will be greatly missed around the
office. He brought his family such pleasure by swimming in his bowl all day and jumping out of the
water when he saw his food container.
Services for Mr. Orange Fish will be at 10:00 this morning in the front restroom at the office. His
mother will say a short eulogy and we will close the service with a rendition of Amazing Grace, then
we will lower the handle and flush him out to gloryland. In lieu of flowers the family ask that
donations be made in Orange Fish's name to Trout Unlimed, his favorite charity.

Prepare for the invader

A war is raging inside my body. I am being attacked by cold germs. Some people in the office have had the crud for the past few weeks, but I have managed to avoid them and the illness. Well I think it has caught up with me. I have increased the vitamin C and multivitamin to help out my immune system. I don't think it is helping against the mighty invader. I am beginning to feel rundown and tired. Oh yes the snot is also beginning. I pray that I do not get really sick, not this close to the holidays, I have too much to do to be sick.

Coffee Crisis

I drink coffe every morning at work. The office provides a coffee pot, cofee, sugar, and creamer. I enjoy my coffee with flavored creamer, which I purchase myself and keep in the refrigerator. I don't mind sharing my creamer with those looking for a more flavorful cup of coffee, but I do ask that you not use the last bit of it and if you do use it up, replace it. So this morning I pour my coffee and head over to the fridge to pour in the yummy creamer and it is gone. Not just empty, the whole bottle is gone. So here I am cup of coffee and my creamer is gone. Thank goodness I have some of the powdered kind hidden away. I will bring more creamer tomorrow, but I will put it in a different container and write my name on the outside of the container so everyone will know that it is mine. That just really pisses me off.

Standing on my own...

I don't know what my problem is lately, but I am having problems balancing myself, especially on stairs. So I am headed into the office this morning going up the 2 flights of stairs that I climb at lease once on a daily basis, and I get to the top step and lose my balance. You know what that means. I fell. Thank goodness one of my co-workers happened to be standing there and she reached down and grabbed my arm before I rolled down the stairs. Welcome to my world! I was just thinking on the way up the stairs that I really needed to be careful so I wouldn't fall and then damned if I still didn't fall. I have never been a graceful person, but I am far from a clutz, until just recently.

Odds and Ends

I think Mother Nature must have gotten my email about the hot weather in December because now it is freezing. I love it. It is such a nice change from the hot and humid weather we have to endure here in the summer and fall. I have not had to turn on my personal heater at work yet. I hope I don't have to, but I am sure that I will if the cold weather stays here.

I had a great weekend. My hubby hung our Christmas lights. We have icicle lights on the front of the house, net lights in the hedges and some other lights in our small tree. It looks wonderful. I have never had Christmas lights on the house before so I just think it is beautiful. After we got all the lights up Saturday we walked to the end of the driveway and I cried because it was so pretty.

My bestest friend is moving to the middle of nowhere. It is like an hour or so away. I am trying to be positive, but I am selfish and I do not want her to move. I have been sad since I read her blog on Friday and found out that her husband got the job in the middle of nowhere. She will no longer be a local phone call away or a short 10 minute drive from me. It will be a sad holiday having to pack up your family and move. I just feel sick about it.

We visited a church in our town on Sunday. We have not been actively going to church since we moved over a year ago. So we decided that we would start visiting churches until we found one that we liked. I hate visiting churches, you feel like an outsider. The one that we went to Sunday was like being at Bible Camp. My hubby thought that the pastor looked like Dr. Evil. We kept waiting for him to say, "We mustn't gnaw on our kitties." After the service was over, we ran to our car and got out of there as fast as we could. I don't think that was the church for us. Next week we will visit another church. I will keep you posted on our progress.

I have a panic attack everytime that I think about how close Christmas is. Maybe I need to double the dose of my crazy pills until we are over the mad rush to Christmas. We are doing great on the shopping though, just about $100.00 more and we should be done. I really don't know what to get my hubby. I want to buy him everything that he wants, but that is impossible. He is so sweet and wonderful.

Last but not least... I am in extreme pain and I have a high tolerance for pain. I do not pop a pill everytime that I have an ache or pain, but this is some awful pain. I think I have sciatica. I really don't know what is causing it and I do not want to go to the doctor. I have had the pain for about a week now. The only thing that makes it feel better is to have my hubby stand on my back. It relieves the pressure on the nerve and makes the pain go away so every night I have to lay in the floor and let him stand on me for a few minutes to get some relief. I have also been loading up on the meds to try and relieve some of the pain. I read some stuff about it on WebM.D. yesterday and did not find a real answer to any of my questions. It says the best thing to do is alternate lying down with short walks. Well I have a desk job, it is pretty damn near impossible for me to lay down at work and for the short walk, I do trek to the restroom every few hours, but I really don't think it helps. If you have any suggestions let me know.

10 Things About Me...

That you may or may not want to know. Everyone else is doing it so I thought that I would borrow their idea and do one too. Here it goes:

1. I prefer a manual can opener to an electric one. I can never get the electric one to work right, so I just don't bother. As a matter of fact I don't even own an electric can opener.

2. I like fruitcake. Enough said.

3. I don't mind scrubbing the toilets.

4. I have never used illegal drugs, not even once.

5. I have taken someones Thanksgiving day newspaper out of their box because there weren't any left at the stores. You know I gotta have the sales ads for the day after. I only did it after midnight, so apparently they did not need it anyway. Yes, I felt bad about it afterwards.

6. I enjoy shopping for myself more than I do shopping for others.

7. I clean and bake when I am angry.

8. I can't tolerate hair in the bathroom. Yes that means in the shower, on the floor, on the sink. It drives me nuts and I immediately have to clean it up. Did I mention that my husband sheds like a cat?

9. I love my dog Dixie more than I do most people. She just has such a personality. I just love her.

10. All my clothes hang the same way in my closet and they are hanging in order. I have all my pants together, all my shirts together, etc. They are also in color order, all the blue shirts together, all the whites together, you get the point. Have I ever mentioned I am a bit Obsessive/Compulsive?

Anyway now you know these things about me.

Ready...Set...Go...

Okay I will share something about myself with you that only my husband knows. On my commute to work and back home in the afternoons I have to drive for 15 miles or so on this very long, boring highway. It is a divided highway with 4 to 6 lanes depending on where you are at. Anyway, when I get to this roadway I pretend that I am in a race. The light turns green and I am off, weaving my way through traffic and passing all the slow cars. I can even hear the announcer in my head. I know it sounds crazy, that's why I don't tell many people. I have always wanted to be a race car driver. I started watching Nascar about 8 years ago and I love it. No I am not a crazy red neck racing woman or anything like that. I just enjoy watching. I have been to one Nascar race in Atlanta a few years ago and it was awesome. I wish I could have gotten rid of some of the stupid drunk redneck people there, but it was still fun. It is loud and exciting to watch the cars whirl around the track and to see the occasional wreck. Jeff Gordon is my favorite driver. Say what you want about him, I like him. My mom and step-dad are big Nascar fans and I started watching the races on Sundays at their house after dinner and I needed someone to root for, so I picked Jeff Gordon. I picked him partly because they can't stand him. I drive fast and when my husband and child are in the car with me they call me Jeff Gordon. I look forward to my drive home everyday so I can win the big race, even if it is only in my head.

Scary Santa

Just a quick post. Have you ever listened to the words to Santa Claus is Coming to Town? Next time you hear it really listen to the words. He sees you when your sleeping, he knows when your awake... Is this Santa guy a stalker or what? He better watch out he will get arrested for stalking. He knows if you've been bad or good so be good for goodness sake... Or what? Is he also a murderer? Will we be killed or injured if we are not good? Thank goodness most children do not analyze words to songs or we could be raising a generation of paranoid people afraid that Santa will get them.

Move over Martha

While Martha is in prison, I feel that we must carry on. I have become very creative lately, more so than usual. After we got our tree home Saturday night my hubby had to cut a few branches off of the bottom. We had all this greenery left over, so I decided to use it to make some swags or whatever you want to call them. I made 2 of them and they look so pretty, I put a big bow in the middle of them and hung them on the wall.

I also purchased a used entertainment center last week. It has been sitting in the middle of the living room floor since Sunday because we could not decide what we wanted to do with it. I knew it needed paint, but what color? My end tables are off white with a reddish color top, so we could not decide if we wanted to paint the entertainment center a solid color or paint it to match the end tables. We decided last night that I am going to paint it to match the end tables. So that will be my project for the rest of the week and the weekend. I hope to have it finished and in place by Sunday night. I think I can get it done.

Now to change the subject a little bit. What is the deal with the weather here? The forecast is calling for mid to upper 70s all week. How can I get in the holiday spirit when it is too hot to drink warm beverages and have a fire in the fire place? Does anyone have mother nature's e-mail address and I will send her a little note and let her know that we would like some cooler weather. Now don't get me wrong, I don't want freezing weather, just cooler. Maybe highs in the 50s with lows in the upper 30s. That would be Christmas weather.

TIs the season to be WHAT?

Yes I think the song goes Tis the season to be jolly, but I am just not feeling it this year. My weekend was not very good to say the least. I will give you a quick rundown of the good, bad, and the stressful.

I volunteer with my former church to sponsor a weekend lunch team, which once a quarter prepares and serves a meal to the homeless and hungry in our town. This is something that I truly do enjoy doing. I love to cook, although I must admit that cooking for 100 people is quite different than cooking for a family of 3. People from the church are supposed to volunteer to come and help with the preparations and serving. Lots of work goes into preparing a meal for so many people. I really like our meals to be special because this may be the only meal that these people are eating that day. So on the weekends that our team prepares the meal, I meet my co-sponsor at the church kitchen on Friday night to plan the menu and do some prep work, like thawing meats, etc.

Once the menu was planned I had to rush home and change clothes and get my family ready because we had tickets to the Theatre to see our towns production of ANNIE. Dressing my family is stressful. My child has long hair and I have no clue what to do with it. I have short hair for a reason. I hate to fix hair. Finally they were all dressed and in the car. Oops she says I need my jacket, it is cold out here. Okay she should have been getting all this stuff together before we get in the car, but she is 7, what can I say? After my husband and I both go into the house running from room to room looking for her stupid jacket, we have no luck, the jacket is nowhere to be found. I return to the car with the bad news and assure her that we will not let her freeze to death the few minutes that we will be out of the car. We finally get there in one piece and the show was fantastic. I love musicals. If I had a better voice and was more coordinated I would love to do theatre, but since I am not talented in those respects I just enjoy watching. That was the best part of my weekend and it was all down hill from there.

I woke up very early on Saturday morning to get to the church to prepare the meal for Saturday, we serve the meal at 12, so we get started around 10 with the cooking. Before I could go to the church I needed to run by the store and grab a few things that we needed for the meal. Well turns out the town that I live in is having their parade at 10 that morning, so I have to fight my way through the streets and find a new route to the store because the route I would normally go is the parade route and all the streets are blocked off. I hate parades! I finally make it to the store and the church all the while cursing and complaining. I just was not in the best mood. So I get to the church and get more bad news, the youth group isn't coming to help. WONDERFUL, just wonderful. So we have 5 people, including myself to prepare a meal for 100 people, serve it, clean up, you get the idea. There is a lot to do when you have plenty of help, it is a nightmare when you don't have enough help. But we all got in the kitchen and pulled the meal together, and it was delicious and the homeless people were happy. I baked a homemade peach cobbler and it was the star of the meal. Those people just raved about it, which made me feel good. I like to make people happy, especially with my cooking.

After I left the church I had to run home and clean up the back deck and yard of my house because the landlord was coming over to change our locks. The patio was at least an inch thick in leaves and pinestraw. My child did help me clean it up. We had to pretend that we were orphans from ANNIE and sing Hard Knock Life while we raked and swept the leaves and pinestraw into a pile.

Then we had to pick out our Christmas Tree. I normally enjoy this, but for whatever reason our child was being a bratty little miss know it all and in my family I am the only one allowed to be that. So after walking around looking at all the Christmas trees there, we finally found one and convinced her that it was the best tree there. I thought I would just scream if I had to hear about the 9 1/2 foot tree at her mom's one more time, which my husband has seen and he said it is tall but it is skinny. I just wanted to scream!!!!!! We get the tree all netted up and ready to go home and of course the trunk of my car is full of clothes to donate to charity. So when I go to pick up the big black trash bag full of clothes the bag busts and all the clothes start spilling out all over the ground. Can you feel my stress level beginning to rise???My husband and child just thought it was hilarious. I on the other hand, was not amused the least little bit. I really felt a tantrum coming on. I was trying to breathe deep breaths and count, but that doesn't always work. So I calmly went around to the front of the car and got in and closed my door. My hubby picked up the clothes and put them back in to the car so we could get the freakin tree home. Believe it or not it made it there in one piece, except for all its little needles that remain in the trunk of my car. After we rearranged the living room we got the tree into it's stand and it is just beautiful. We wrapped a few gifts and I was anxiously counting down the hours until we got to take her home, so I could whine about my foot hurting and have all my husbands attention. About 15 minutes before we have to leave to take her home I hear him dialing the telephone. So I kindly ask him who is he calling. He informs me that she wants to spend the night again and he is calling her mom. Not that I mind if she spends every night with us, but give me a break, at least run it my me. So there go my chances at any pampering. I went to bed shortly after that. My foot was hurting, my back aching and my feelings crushed, I cried myself to sleep.

Sunday was no better and I will spare you most of the details. We had 4 people Sunday to fix lunch for 100. We got it done, but I was so tired when we left I did not think I would make it home. We did get the lights on the tree, finally at almost midnight last night (which by the way is way past my bedtime on a work night). Why do trees need lights? If I did not like a real tree so much, I would buy a prelit tree and be done with it. Tonight we get to put on the ornaments and we will be done with it. Maybe I can actually enjoy it once we get it decorated.

I am just so stressed out that I can't be jolly this season, but I am working on it. As Annie so wonderfully sings, the sun will come out tomorrow...

Bummed out

I was so excited yesterday. My period was 3 days late. We just knew we were pregnant. We went to the drug store after I got off work and bought a pregnancy test. Went home and peed on the stick, it was negative. We bought the 2 pack so we could do it again this morning. Well there was no need to retest, I started my period at some point last night. I am feeling bummed and sad. We were very excited about the idea of having a baby. My husband was so sweet this morning, he said that when the time is right it will happen. I can't help but doubt myself. What if I am not meant to have children? What if I never have a baby? When I was younger I hated children and always hoped that I would never get pregnant. People say to be careful what you wish for.

It has only been about 6 months that we have been trying, so we have 6 more months to go before the doctor will do any fertility testing. He said that 50% of couples that are trying to conceive do so in the first 6 months, and the other 40% within a year and then there is the 10% that need some sort of fertility treatment. I am thinking of getting an ovulation test kit next month, maybe I am not ovulating. My husband thinks that it is him. He is a type 1 diabetic and he has been for 24 years, so his sperm count may be low or nonexistent. It is fun trying to get pregnant, I like practicing, but it is so heartbreaking every month when you start your period. We have only told a few of our friends that we are trying, we don't want our families to know until we actually conceive, if we ever do. It cuts down on the questions and the looks of disappointment every time we see them. Hopefully we will have good news soon enough, until then we will have fun trying.