Tuesday therapy session

Have you ever had something to do that you just keep putting off and never end up doing it. I do that so often that it makes me seem like a bad friend or family member. My mind is just filled with all things baby and our lack of finances that I have little room for other things. My family came to visit me 2 weekends ago, 2 of my sisters, my mom, and one of my neices. This is the first time that my oldest sister has been to my house, we moved into it in November 2003. Yeah I understand that it is an hour from her house and that she works and has three kids, don't get me wrong I do understand. Anyway, this sister and I were very close at one time in our lives. Many things have happened since then to drive a wedge between us and open my eyes to things that I had always just accepted. Since I moved away from my family and anyone who really knows me, I have learned to rely on my husband for many things. He is my best friend, my partner, my lover, he is the first one that I want to call when things happen, good or bad. For the first time in my life I am independent of my family and all their dysfunction and I must say it is nice. Anyway I get this call last Thursday at work, no less, from my oldest sister. She just doesn't know where she fits into my life, she doesn't feel like she knows me anymore, blah, blah, blah.Oh yeah and she was crying her eyes out. Now don't get me wrong, I have shed many tears for the lost relationship with my family, so don't think that I am just a cold hearted witch, because I am not. Anyway I was at work when she called and there are too many ears around most of the time for me to get into a heartfelt discussion with anyone on the phone, so I had to cut her short and let her go. I did not call her back that night or since then. It really pissed me off that she chose a day from hell to call me at work. I've told everyone that I cannot really have personal phone calls at work, most of the people in my life abide by that rule, trust me it isn't my rule, but I have gotten in trouble more than once about personal phone calls. I digress, I started writing her a letter that night, which I have started and stopped so many times that I don't even feel like writing it anymore. Why can't people just accept you the way you are and love you for it, instead of wanting you to be what they think you should be? The truth is that my sister doesn't know me anymore, she hasn't known me in some time. She hasn't taken the time to know the person that I have become, I have grown up tremendously over the past year and 1/2. How do you say the really hard things to someone that you love? I don't want to hurt her feelings, but I will never be the same person that I was 5 or 6 years ago. If she wants to feel close to me then she is going to have to take the effort to get to know me and establish that relationship with me. I think that this had turned into rambling, so I will end it now. Thanks for listening.