Friday thoughts...

I am in a fabulous mood this Friday! The weather here is wonderful. It is breezy and a cool 65 degrees. I love it, it just makes me want to snuggle up with my hubby and a warm cup of Chai. Unfortunately I am at work and so is he. So instead I will just look at the wonderful weather out my office window. Yes I have 3 windows in my office, I am so lucky.

Are you wondering why I am in a fabulous mood? Well I will tell you. I went last night to get my hair cut and it looks so good. It is just amazing to me that no one else has been able to get my hair to stick out like this and now it is just sticking out and looking so cute. I absolutely love my hair dresser. I started to going to her after she did such a great job on my best friend's hair. I was skeptical at first, I have had many people do my hair and it is always cute when I leave the salon and then the next day I have no idea what to do with it. I am not good at fixing my hair. My awesome hairdresser gave me some really nifty stuff that helps your flat hair stick out, but it doesn't really make your hair look like it has stuff in it. Thank God for my hairdresser. I left there feeling like a million bucks, well I guess I felt like a million, since I have never touched a million it is really hard to say.

My husband has been writing me these naughty emails during the day! I just love it. He is so descriptive in his writing, I could just have an orgasm thinking about it. Anyway after I got my fabulous hair cut I went home and cooked dinner. Then I jumped in the shower and washed all the cut hair off of me. Then when I got out we acted out the email that he had written me. It was mind blowing. I have not had an orgasm like that in quite sometime. Not that I don't have orgasms, I do, just not usually so powerful. Then we snuggled for a while before our favorite show came on.

This is also my ovulation weekend. I think maybe that is another reason that I am in a good mood. I am always horny around that time. I had the baby dream last night. It was really weird, very real. I was pregnant and it was my due date. For some reason I was ready to have the baby, but not go to the hospital because it was not time. Well this EMT kept coming to my house and checking to see if I was dialated any more. I told you it was weird. Only I was never dialated anymore and I could not remember my nine months of pregancy. I woke up scratching my head about that one. What does it all mean? Did that wonderful sex last night fertilize me? Am I pregnant?

That poses another stressful point for me. You know I have decreased my happy pills, and I think I am doing great, except for the anxiety. I get stressed or anxious about things and I have a hard time catching my breath. Like now I am thinking about being a mother and I can't breathe. I have all these doubts about my abilities to raise a child and give selflessly to another human being. This is not the only thing that causes me shortness of breath. Last night after cuddling we watched one of our favorite shows, CSI. Well if anyone else watched it, it just really got to me. It was about a 12 year old that was conceived to be a cure for her brother with leukemia. Well long story short the brother was not cured and after several bone marrow transplants and blood transfusions he killed her because he was tired of her being used for his treatment. It just really stressed me out. The it makes you wonder if you had a sick child, would you conceive another one just to save the first ones life? I really struggled with that last night and came to the conclusion that I do not know what I would do, and I hope I never have to find out. I just pray for anyone who has ever had to deal with the terminal illness of a child. My heart truly goes out to them.

Don't want to end my post on a negative note. This is also the weekend that my family is getting together. I am so excited. I have 3 sisters and 6 neices. I have not seen 2 of my sisters or any of my neices since Mother's Day. I miss them. We only live about an hour or so from each other but we lead such busy lives that we never get to see each other. My oldest sister has 3 children, 2 teenagers and a 4 year old, and they are all involved in different sports and extra curricular activites. Another of my sisters has 3 daughers also, but she does not have custody of any of them, they all live with their dads. 2 of them will be there tomorrow. My mom, grandma, other sister and step-dad will also be there. I have gifts for the 2 oldest neices (16 & 17), they had birthdays this week. I have got to get a gift for my oldest sister, her birthday is next Saturday. I have to go home tonight and make pork bar-b-que and a cake to take to the get together. It will be wonderful to see everyone. I just hope we can all get along for the few hours that we will be together. My hubby is dreading tomorrow. I think he would rather have a root canal. I have told him that he does not have to go, I will make up some excuse for him. Deep down in his very being he knows it is his responsibility to go with me. So he will grin and bear it and pretend to be enjoying himself, even though I know he won't be. I will be enjoying myself and that is all that counts, they are my family and despite all of their short comings I love them.