Okay now I am a little perturbed! I just created this entry and when I went to publish it, it disppeared on me. Said that it could not find the server type of message and when I used the back key to get back to my post the title was here, but the content was gone, so I will try to recreate.
I got a phone call today from my best friend. She wanted to know if she could come and have lunch with me. Well of course you can! I was so glad that she called me, we do not get to see each other nearly enough. I was also excited to see her because the last time I saw her we were highlighting her hair fuschia. Yes that "Chunky Girl" is my best friend and I just love her. I also love having a lunch date. It breaks the monotony of the day. We went to eat mexican food as we usually do when she comes to lunch with me, unless we are really broke then we go to Krystal's, fresh, hot, small squares. Had a wonderful lunch, fabulous conversation, we got a chance to fill each other in on the happenings in our lives. Now I am back from lunch looking at all the paperwork on my desk, but strangely enough I just don't feel like working. Not doing much work today while I am here is an option today because the boss and his other half are out of town. YAY! You know what they say, "When the wolf is away, the sheep will play." haha...I say that because I think my boss is a werewolf, therefore his family are also werewolves. I wonder if they had some sort of celebration last night for the full moon. I wonder if they slaughtered and ate many people last night? I will have to check the missing persons report for the town that they are in. Anyway, do you see how my mind works? Everything is a complete distraction. One minute I can be thinking about something else then another thought enters my head and BAM there I go off on another path of thought. If we could get inside people's heads, my passengers would need a seatbelt and a helmet. (Please keep your arms and legs inside the ride at all times.) Sometimes it is really tiring being me, well most of the time. Anywho back to my original thought, after lunch my best friend came back to the office with me and helped me insert my blogroll into my blog! How cool is that. Now when I read interesting people, I can just add them to my blogroll and there they are for my reading pleasure. Since the boss is away I have decided that today should be work on my blog day. That just means that I have to work that much harder tomorrow. Nah, I am just kidding. Most of my work here is not trackable, so I think I am safe. Thank you best fiend for helping me to update my blog! You are awesome!
Thursday, October 28, 2004
Friday, October 22, 2004
High blood pressure
My Thursday started off like a normal Thursday. Everything was nice and quiet in the office. I had gotten a lot accomplished by lunch time. Then I had lunch with my bestest friend. We vented about men and told deep dark secrets that friends can only share with each other. I think we both already knew the others secrets, its just something about having someone else validate your feelings about things. After lunch I had to return to work, which was okay because my boss was leaving. His parents are house hunting and he had cleared his schedule to spend the afternoon going from house to house to point out the good and the bad on each one.
My co-worker decided that we should rearrange her office. I must tell you that her office is much smaller than mine. Her office is not much bigger than a broom closet. So I went back to help her rearrange, which entails moving a VERY heavy desk. I am not a very strong person, but it is amazing how you have strength when you need it. So me and 2 of my co-workers pushed and pulled until we got the monstrosity moved, then we could not open the door. FABULOUS! So we moved the desk some more. Then the drawers would not open. So we pillaged an empty office and got a smaller desk and moved the monstrosity out and the smaller desk in. After much hard work and sweat we finally had both of the desks moved. Did I mention that it was a humid 80 degrees here yesterday and I was dripping with sweat? It was just lovely! We finally finished the transformation just in time to clock out and go home yesterday. Well I go into her office this morning and she has arranged the furniture the same way that it was before we started! Some people just make me wonder.
In the midst of all the furniture moving and rearranging yesterday afternoon I was also on the phone with my insurance company. I have several policies with this company and have for years. I have life insurance with them that I bought nine years ago when I got married the first time. Yes October 20 would have been my 9 year anniversary! Anywho... When I got married the first time we took out life insurance, not realy big policies, but enough to take care of things should either of us die. Well I have since then remarried and I have a new life insurance policy now with a different company, but I have continued to have the premiums taken out of my checking account monthly. I decided that I would check in to cashing the policies in, evidently the ex is not going to die like I had hoped so there is really no reason for me to keep the policy. I called my friendly insurance agent who informed me that my ex's policy had been transferred to another agent. WHAT? So she called the other agent and all they would tell her was that I was not the owner of the policy or the payor on the policy, so they could not tell her anything about the policy. They were citing the Privacy Acts and all that crap. Those privacy acts and all are only good if you are the one being protected. I asked my friendly insurance agent what I needed to do to get the payments stopped from being drafted from my account, since I am not the payor. She tells me that there is nothing that I can do because I am not the payor on the account. So I called my bank. Of course they can issue a stop payment but it does not come with any guarantees and it cost nearly that same as the monthly premium. So needless to say I was livid. My blood pressure had to be through the roof. Maybe that was where I got the strenght to move the desks. So finally I started trying to call the agent where the policy had been moved. After about 45 minutes of calling I finally got someone on the phone, who was as nice as she could be. I wanted her to be a smart ass to me so I could take all my frustrations out on her, but she was too nice. She said they would take care of it. Today I am going to call back over there and see if my ex requested that the policy be changed or if it just by some fluke got changed.
The rest of the night was much better. Had dinner at my in laws house and my sister-in-laws friends were there with their 1 year old little boy. he was so sweet and cute. That is the second time this week that we have seen them and they have had a small child with them. My co-workers say that they are trying to send us a message. If they only knew how hard we were trying!
My co-worker decided that we should rearrange her office. I must tell you that her office is much smaller than mine. Her office is not much bigger than a broom closet. So I went back to help her rearrange, which entails moving a VERY heavy desk. I am not a very strong person, but it is amazing how you have strength when you need it. So me and 2 of my co-workers pushed and pulled until we got the monstrosity moved, then we could not open the door. FABULOUS! So we moved the desk some more. Then the drawers would not open. So we pillaged an empty office and got a smaller desk and moved the monstrosity out and the smaller desk in. After much hard work and sweat we finally had both of the desks moved. Did I mention that it was a humid 80 degrees here yesterday and I was dripping with sweat? It was just lovely! We finally finished the transformation just in time to clock out and go home yesterday. Well I go into her office this morning and she has arranged the furniture the same way that it was before we started! Some people just make me wonder.
In the midst of all the furniture moving and rearranging yesterday afternoon I was also on the phone with my insurance company. I have several policies with this company and have for years. I have life insurance with them that I bought nine years ago when I got married the first time. Yes October 20 would have been my 9 year anniversary! Anywho... When I got married the first time we took out life insurance, not realy big policies, but enough to take care of things should either of us die. Well I have since then remarried and I have a new life insurance policy now with a different company, but I have continued to have the premiums taken out of my checking account monthly. I decided that I would check in to cashing the policies in, evidently the ex is not going to die like I had hoped so there is really no reason for me to keep the policy. I called my friendly insurance agent who informed me that my ex's policy had been transferred to another agent. WHAT? So she called the other agent and all they would tell her was that I was not the owner of the policy or the payor on the policy, so they could not tell her anything about the policy. They were citing the Privacy Acts and all that crap. Those privacy acts and all are only good if you are the one being protected. I asked my friendly insurance agent what I needed to do to get the payments stopped from being drafted from my account, since I am not the payor. She tells me that there is nothing that I can do because I am not the payor on the account. So I called my bank. Of course they can issue a stop payment but it does not come with any guarantees and it cost nearly that same as the monthly premium. So needless to say I was livid. My blood pressure had to be through the roof. Maybe that was where I got the strenght to move the desks. So finally I started trying to call the agent where the policy had been moved. After about 45 minutes of calling I finally got someone on the phone, who was as nice as she could be. I wanted her to be a smart ass to me so I could take all my frustrations out on her, but she was too nice. She said they would take care of it. Today I am going to call back over there and see if my ex requested that the policy be changed or if it just by some fluke got changed.
The rest of the night was much better. Had dinner at my in laws house and my sister-in-laws friends were there with their 1 year old little boy. he was so sweet and cute. That is the second time this week that we have seen them and they have had a small child with them. My co-workers say that they are trying to send us a message. If they only knew how hard we were trying!
Friday, October 15, 2004
Friday thoughts...
I am in a fabulous mood this Friday! The weather here is wonderful. It is breezy and a cool 65 degrees. I love it, it just makes me want to snuggle up with my hubby and a warm cup of Chai. Unfortunately I am at work and so is he. So instead I will just look at the wonderful weather out my office window. Yes I have 3 windows in my office, I am so lucky.
Are you wondering why I am in a fabulous mood? Well I will tell you. I went last night to get my hair cut and it looks so good. It is just amazing to me that no one else has been able to get my hair to stick out like this and now it is just sticking out and looking so cute. I absolutely love my hair dresser. I started to going to her after she did such a great job on my best friend's hair. I was skeptical at first, I have had many people do my hair and it is always cute when I leave the salon and then the next day I have no idea what to do with it. I am not good at fixing my hair. My awesome hairdresser gave me some really nifty stuff that helps your flat hair stick out, but it doesn't really make your hair look like it has stuff in it. Thank God for my hairdresser. I left there feeling like a million bucks, well I guess I felt like a million, since I have never touched a million it is really hard to say.
My husband has been writing me these naughty emails during the day! I just love it. He is so descriptive in his writing, I could just have an orgasm thinking about it. Anyway after I got my fabulous hair cut I went home and cooked dinner. Then I jumped in the shower and washed all the cut hair off of me. Then when I got out we acted out the email that he had written me. It was mind blowing. I have not had an orgasm like that in quite sometime. Not that I don't have orgasms, I do, just not usually so powerful. Then we snuggled for a while before our favorite show came on.
This is also my ovulation weekend. I think maybe that is another reason that I am in a good mood. I am always horny around that time. I had the baby dream last night. It was really weird, very real. I was pregnant and it was my due date. For some reason I was ready to have the baby, but not go to the hospital because it was not time. Well this EMT kept coming to my house and checking to see if I was dialated any more. I told you it was weird. Only I was never dialated anymore and I could not remember my nine months of pregancy. I woke up scratching my head about that one. What does it all mean? Did that wonderful sex last night fertilize me? Am I pregnant?
That poses another stressful point for me. You know I have decreased my happy pills, and I think I am doing great, except for the anxiety. I get stressed or anxious about things and I have a hard time catching my breath. Like now I am thinking about being a mother and I can't breathe. I have all these doubts about my abilities to raise a child and give selflessly to another human being. This is not the only thing that causes me shortness of breath. Last night after cuddling we watched one of our favorite shows, CSI. Well if anyone else watched it, it just really got to me. It was about a 12 year old that was conceived to be a cure for her brother with leukemia. Well long story short the brother was not cured and after several bone marrow transplants and blood transfusions he killed her because he was tired of her being used for his treatment. It just really stressed me out. The it makes you wonder if you had a sick child, would you conceive another one just to save the first ones life? I really struggled with that last night and came to the conclusion that I do not know what I would do, and I hope I never have to find out. I just pray for anyone who has ever had to deal with the terminal illness of a child. My heart truly goes out to them.
Don't want to end my post on a negative note. This is also the weekend that my family is getting together. I am so excited. I have 3 sisters and 6 neices. I have not seen 2 of my sisters or any of my neices since Mother's Day. I miss them. We only live about an hour or so from each other but we lead such busy lives that we never get to see each other. My oldest sister has 3 children, 2 teenagers and a 4 year old, and they are all involved in different sports and extra curricular activites. Another of my sisters has 3 daughers also, but she does not have custody of any of them, they all live with their dads. 2 of them will be there tomorrow. My mom, grandma, other sister and step-dad will also be there. I have gifts for the 2 oldest neices (16 & 17), they had birthdays this week. I have got to get a gift for my oldest sister, her birthday is next Saturday. I have to go home tonight and make pork bar-b-que and a cake to take to the get together. It will be wonderful to see everyone. I just hope we can all get along for the few hours that we will be together. My hubby is dreading tomorrow. I think he would rather have a root canal. I have told him that he does not have to go, I will make up some excuse for him. Deep down in his very being he knows it is his responsibility to go with me. So he will grin and bear it and pretend to be enjoying himself, even though I know he won't be. I will be enjoying myself and that is all that counts, they are my family and despite all of their short comings I love them.
Are you wondering why I am in a fabulous mood? Well I will tell you. I went last night to get my hair cut and it looks so good. It is just amazing to me that no one else has been able to get my hair to stick out like this and now it is just sticking out and looking so cute. I absolutely love my hair dresser. I started to going to her after she did such a great job on my best friend's hair. I was skeptical at first, I have had many people do my hair and it is always cute when I leave the salon and then the next day I have no idea what to do with it. I am not good at fixing my hair. My awesome hairdresser gave me some really nifty stuff that helps your flat hair stick out, but it doesn't really make your hair look like it has stuff in it. Thank God for my hairdresser. I left there feeling like a million bucks, well I guess I felt like a million, since I have never touched a million it is really hard to say.
My husband has been writing me these naughty emails during the day! I just love it. He is so descriptive in his writing, I could just have an orgasm thinking about it. Anyway after I got my fabulous hair cut I went home and cooked dinner. Then I jumped in the shower and washed all the cut hair off of me. Then when I got out we acted out the email that he had written me. It was mind blowing. I have not had an orgasm like that in quite sometime. Not that I don't have orgasms, I do, just not usually so powerful. Then we snuggled for a while before our favorite show came on.
This is also my ovulation weekend. I think maybe that is another reason that I am in a good mood. I am always horny around that time. I had the baby dream last night. It was really weird, very real. I was pregnant and it was my due date. For some reason I was ready to have the baby, but not go to the hospital because it was not time. Well this EMT kept coming to my house and checking to see if I was dialated any more. I told you it was weird. Only I was never dialated anymore and I could not remember my nine months of pregancy. I woke up scratching my head about that one. What does it all mean? Did that wonderful sex last night fertilize me? Am I pregnant?
That poses another stressful point for me. You know I have decreased my happy pills, and I think I am doing great, except for the anxiety. I get stressed or anxious about things and I have a hard time catching my breath. Like now I am thinking about being a mother and I can't breathe. I have all these doubts about my abilities to raise a child and give selflessly to another human being. This is not the only thing that causes me shortness of breath. Last night after cuddling we watched one of our favorite shows, CSI. Well if anyone else watched it, it just really got to me. It was about a 12 year old that was conceived to be a cure for her brother with leukemia. Well long story short the brother was not cured and after several bone marrow transplants and blood transfusions he killed her because he was tired of her being used for his treatment. It just really stressed me out. The it makes you wonder if you had a sick child, would you conceive another one just to save the first ones life? I really struggled with that last night and came to the conclusion that I do not know what I would do, and I hope I never have to find out. I just pray for anyone who has ever had to deal with the terminal illness of a child. My heart truly goes out to them.
Don't want to end my post on a negative note. This is also the weekend that my family is getting together. I am so excited. I have 3 sisters and 6 neices. I have not seen 2 of my sisters or any of my neices since Mother's Day. I miss them. We only live about an hour or so from each other but we lead such busy lives that we never get to see each other. My oldest sister has 3 children, 2 teenagers and a 4 year old, and they are all involved in different sports and extra curricular activites. Another of my sisters has 3 daughers also, but she does not have custody of any of them, they all live with their dads. 2 of them will be there tomorrow. My mom, grandma, other sister and step-dad will also be there. I have gifts for the 2 oldest neices (16 & 17), they had birthdays this week. I have got to get a gift for my oldest sister, her birthday is next Saturday. I have to go home tonight and make pork bar-b-que and a cake to take to the get together. It will be wonderful to see everyone. I just hope we can all get along for the few hours that we will be together. My hubby is dreading tomorrow. I think he would rather have a root canal. I have told him that he does not have to go, I will make up some excuse for him. Deep down in his very being he knows it is his responsibility to go with me. So he will grin and bear it and pretend to be enjoying himself, even though I know he won't be. I will be enjoying myself and that is all that counts, they are my family and despite all of their short comings I love them.
Tuesday, October 12, 2004
Ramblings
It has been a while since my last post, Friday to be exact. Let me catch you up on my life. Saturday morning I had to go to a Cheer Expo with my (step) child! Whoopee, lots of little kids trying to do big girl cheers. It is just the way I like to start my Saturday! My hubby and I sat at the top of the bleachers and made comments about the other cheer leaders and coaches. Got to see his ex-wife, that is always a treat. I made sure I was looking my best too. Why do I do this, it is not like it matters. He is married to me now and she is remarried also. I guess I just want people to think that he really moved up in this world when he got me. Great for my ego!!!
After the Cheer Expo, we were off to the fair. My hubby's mom and sister met us there. We had a really good time. Got to see the Mid-State's finest citizens. There truly are some scary individuals roaming around places such as the fair. We ate lots of fried foods and my child likes to play all the games so we spent a small fortune on games. I also rode some rides. That is something that I have not done since highschool. I had to go into a few funhouses with my child and I rode 1 ride with her. Then we had tickets left over and my child was tired of riding so my sister-in-law rode 2 rides. We laughed until we cried. It was really fun. I think sometimes when we grow up we think that we should act a certain way and we forget that it is okay sometimes to just let our hair down and have fun. Well we got home after midnight from the fair and my hubby, child and I fell asleep on the sofa watching "The Wizard of Oz".
Sunday morning I realized that I am not as young as I used to be. I felt like a truck had hit me. Parts of my body ached that I did not remember were there. My poor feet felt like I had walked on hot coals. (Not that I know what that feels like, but you catch my drift.) After the child went home with her mom and hubby and I laid around and napped most of the day, we decided it was time to go to the store and get dog food and a few other things that we were out of. Fast forward through the shopping trip and drive home. Hubby decides to ruin the evening and pick a fight with me. Really I am sure that it was about nothing, just the double standards that so many of us have in our relationships. For example, it is not alright to plan things with my family, but we do everything with his family. Not that I want to do a lot with my family, but when I do, I really don't want to have to hear his bullshit. Don't get me wrong I love his family, but for goodness sake he could at least pretend that he likes my family. After a night of not speaking we are fine now.
Yesterday of course was a holiday, but I was at work. I worked very hard yesterday, barely took time to check my email. My hubby was off so he came and took me to lunch. It was nice to go to lunch with him. When I first started this job and he was working at a different place we went to lunch together almose every day. I miss that sometimes. Although most of the time now lunch is spent running errands or occasionally eating with my Grandmother, who lives at an assisted living facility down the street. I need to eat with her more often, but it just takes so much energy for me to go there. It makes me sad to see all those people there, most of them have had strokes or have alzheimers or some physical ailment. It makes me sad to think back to my childhood and the person that she was before she had a stroke. She was active for her age, she is 85, she was always going somewhere or doing something. She still lived in her house, by herself, but close to her children. It is just sad to get old, her mind is still as sharp as a tack, but her body is not. She is in a wheelchair and she can barely get around. Enough about my Grandmother, it is really depressing me.
Just to update you on my progess on taking myself off of the crazy pills. I am down to half a pill a night. I feel the same as I did when I was taking a whole pill. I am trying to get up in time in the mornings to go walking and do a little exercise before work, but so far, I have not succeeded. I did manage to touch my toes a few times this morning and do some stretches before my shower. I just know that if I could exercise I would feel better. But honestly I would rather sleep those 30 extra minutes in the mornings. Maybe I can convince hubby to get up with me in the morning and motivate me to exercise. That does count as exercise doesn't it??? Well enough for now, the boss is due back to the office any minute.
After the Cheer Expo, we were off to the fair. My hubby's mom and sister met us there. We had a really good time. Got to see the Mid-State's finest citizens. There truly are some scary individuals roaming around places such as the fair. We ate lots of fried foods and my child likes to play all the games so we spent a small fortune on games. I also rode some rides. That is something that I have not done since highschool. I had to go into a few funhouses with my child and I rode 1 ride with her. Then we had tickets left over and my child was tired of riding so my sister-in-law rode 2 rides. We laughed until we cried. It was really fun. I think sometimes when we grow up we think that we should act a certain way and we forget that it is okay sometimes to just let our hair down and have fun. Well we got home after midnight from the fair and my hubby, child and I fell asleep on the sofa watching "The Wizard of Oz".
Sunday morning I realized that I am not as young as I used to be. I felt like a truck had hit me. Parts of my body ached that I did not remember were there. My poor feet felt like I had walked on hot coals. (Not that I know what that feels like, but you catch my drift.) After the child went home with her mom and hubby and I laid around and napped most of the day, we decided it was time to go to the store and get dog food and a few other things that we were out of. Fast forward through the shopping trip and drive home. Hubby decides to ruin the evening and pick a fight with me. Really I am sure that it was about nothing, just the double standards that so many of us have in our relationships. For example, it is not alright to plan things with my family, but we do everything with his family. Not that I want to do a lot with my family, but when I do, I really don't want to have to hear his bullshit. Don't get me wrong I love his family, but for goodness sake he could at least pretend that he likes my family. After a night of not speaking we are fine now.
Yesterday of course was a holiday, but I was at work. I worked very hard yesterday, barely took time to check my email. My hubby was off so he came and took me to lunch. It was nice to go to lunch with him. When I first started this job and he was working at a different place we went to lunch together almose every day. I miss that sometimes. Although most of the time now lunch is spent running errands or occasionally eating with my Grandmother, who lives at an assisted living facility down the street. I need to eat with her more often, but it just takes so much energy for me to go there. It makes me sad to see all those people there, most of them have had strokes or have alzheimers or some physical ailment. It makes me sad to think back to my childhood and the person that she was before she had a stroke. She was active for her age, she is 85, she was always going somewhere or doing something. She still lived in her house, by herself, but close to her children. It is just sad to get old, her mind is still as sharp as a tack, but her body is not. She is in a wheelchair and she can barely get around. Enough about my Grandmother, it is really depressing me.
Just to update you on my progess on taking myself off of the crazy pills. I am down to half a pill a night. I feel the same as I did when I was taking a whole pill. I am trying to get up in time in the mornings to go walking and do a little exercise before work, but so far, I have not succeeded. I did manage to touch my toes a few times this morning and do some stretches before my shower. I just know that if I could exercise I would feel better. But honestly I would rather sleep those 30 extra minutes in the mornings. Maybe I can convince hubby to get up with me in the morning and motivate me to exercise. That does count as exercise doesn't it??? Well enough for now, the boss is due back to the office any minute.
Friday, October 08, 2004
Another day
Thank God it is Friday! The one weekday that I absolutley love. I love it because it is the end of the work week and because normally I don't cook on Fridays. It is also especially nice at work because my boss's wife does not grace us with her presence on Fridays. If we are really lucky he does not grace us with his either. It has truly been a good day at work. The boss left at around 11 or so this morning and it has been a nice quiet unproductive day at the office. I put a fresh coat of polish on my nails, talked to my bestest friend on the phone, checked my e-mail. I also had a chance to browse some other blogs. It is so much fun. There are truly some funny people out there.
I really have nothing to write about today. This morning on my drive into work I was full of ideas, but my mind is continuously wandering, so if I have a good idea or dream and I don't write it down, it is forever gone. One thing I will write a little about is my mental disorder. I have decided to stop taking my happy pills. They have done like all the happy pills before them and just quit working. I have no sex drive (really bad), I am so tired everyday (bad), and I just don't really think they are working like they should. I think I would be happier if I had some energy and wanted sex more! Well if the little happy medicine keeps those 2 things at bay then how can I be happy. Anyway, I am slowly weining myself off of it and will see what happens. What is the worse thing that will happen? I will have a nervous breakdown and take a vacation to the place with the padded rooms. Is it really that bad? I have had some of the "withdrawals" today such as headache and dizziness. I know that these will get better with time. I just hope that I can feel better on my own without the meds. This is not the first time that I have decided to stop taking the meds, but I know that I need to, especially if I am going to have a baby. I may need to start back taking them after the baby comes, but that is a whole other story.
I really have nothing to write about today. This morning on my drive into work I was full of ideas, but my mind is continuously wandering, so if I have a good idea or dream and I don't write it down, it is forever gone. One thing I will write a little about is my mental disorder. I have decided to stop taking my happy pills. They have done like all the happy pills before them and just quit working. I have no sex drive (really bad), I am so tired everyday (bad), and I just don't really think they are working like they should. I think I would be happier if I had some energy and wanted sex more! Well if the little happy medicine keeps those 2 things at bay then how can I be happy. Anyway, I am slowly weining myself off of it and will see what happens. What is the worse thing that will happen? I will have a nervous breakdown and take a vacation to the place with the padded rooms. Is it really that bad? I have had some of the "withdrawals" today such as headache and dizziness. I know that these will get better with time. I just hope that I can feel better on my own without the meds. This is not the first time that I have decided to stop taking the meds, but I know that I need to, especially if I am going to have a baby. I may need to start back taking them after the baby comes, but that is a whole other story.
Wednesday, October 06, 2004
Road Rage
While driving home yesterday I was completely frustrated by people's ignorance to common road rules. Is it not true that if you are on a 4 lane highway and you choose to drive slower than all the other cars on the road you should get into the right lane. Does that make sense? Has anyone else ever heard that? Well apparently the people driving with me in my commute have never heard of that. So here I am constantly in a hurry no matter where I am going trying to weave my way through the slow cars to my destination. Do other drivers really just not get it? If you are driving in the left lane and all the traffic is riding up to your bumper then passing you, don't you think you should get over? Who taught these people how to drive? I think that in order to get your driver's license you should have to drive on the freeway. Who needs to know how to parallel park? I mean parallel parking is great, but if you can't parallel park, I doubt it will get you killed. On the other hand if you can't drive on major roadways, like freeways, it will get you killed. I can see how people get road rage and kill others. There have been many days that I have thought if I only had a gun, there would be one less bad driver on the road. I try to enjoy my commute, I like to use it as a time to relax and reflect, but when I have to contend with no driving idiots it just really stresses me out. Whew! I feel better now, maybe I can get to work.
Monday, October 04, 2004
Baby disappointment
Well for about 3 months now my husband and I have not been using birth-control. We decided that if we were going to have children together we should probably get started. After many long talks we agreed that I would stope taking the pill and just see what happens. Well what happens is not always great. My periods are worse, my cramps are sometimes unbearable, and the mood swings... I won't even go there. Anyway, I did not start this weekend like I normally do, so Sunday afternoon I had gotten a little bit excited. I think that is a natural reaction to the thought of having a baby, from a planned pregnancy no less. So leaving the grovcery store I ask my hubby does he realize that we may be pregnant. His response was not the response that I was expecting. He looked at me and says that yes he had thought about it and frankly that it made him nauseated. Well okay, what is a correct response to that??? So I get this dumbfounded look on my face trying to choke back the tears as he goes on to explain that financially, blah, blah, blah, he hasn't had a child in 7 years, blah, blah, blah. HELLO! I have never had a child. I am just looking for a little excitement on his part. So we ride home in silence. He asks me later on after we get home what is wrong with me. What does he think is wrong with me? So I sulked for a while and then I went to the bathroom and guess what??? Yep, you guessed it we aren't having a baby. So I casually walk into the den and tell him that he can stop worrying, we aren't having a baby. Of course he did not think that was a very nice way to tell him. Needless to say it was a quiet night in my house. I went to bed feeling disappointed, because even though we aren't "trying" to get pregnant, I think it would be great to have a baby. Then there are other times when I think mother nature knows what she is doing and when and if the time is right it will happen. If it never does, I will be disappointed but I do enjoy the freedom that not having children has afforded us.
Friday, October 01, 2004
Getting Older
Well I know I am still young, but aging is something we must all do. I was at work today and I looked at my hands and I realized how old they look. How do other people deal with aging? The wrinkles in my face are getting deeper and deeper and I am starting to sag and get stretch marks. I feel like so much of my youth has been wasted and unappreciated. Did my mom and grandmother look in the mirror one day and not recognize the face staring back? Our mind is an amazing thing. It is amazing how in my mind I look like I did when I was 20, yet I catch a glimpse of myself in the mirror and I realize that is really what I look like, a pudgy nearing thirty wife. I am no longer the bouncy, cheerful, flirty young woman that I was once. Instead i am turing into my mom. It is hard to deal with sometimes. I just want to close my eyes and be younger and carefree again. I remember how big everything looked as a child and how beautiful everything seemed. I guess the longer you look at things, the more you take their beauty for granted. I try to see the world through my (step)child's eyes and sometimes that is just wonderful. Like laying on a blanket in the park staring up at the clouds and naming the things that they are shaped like, making funny faces and telling silly stories. I think we should spend more time as adults doing things like that instead of say cleaning house or worrying about bills. So many parents today don't take the time to enjoy the simple things in life like clouds and rain, When is the last time you took your shoes off and rolled up your pants and splashed in mud puddles in the rain? When is the last time you truly laughed until your face hurt and you cried? I can tell you it has been a long time for me. Hopefully I can take my own advice and start appreciating the small things and know that the laundry will be there when I am done.
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