Hello all my blogger friends!

I just wanted to take this time to tell you all hello and to extend apologies for not commenting as often as I should. I do read most of you daily (see Daily Distractions). But lately for whatever reason and I don't know if it is blogger or my fabulous computer but I am having problems leaving comments. So don't think that I have abandoned you, I am here, lurking,, reading, frustrated because I sometimes can't comment. I have received a few emails from people telling me that they are having problems leaving comments for me. So I know that you all are reading me and are also unable to comment. I hope you all have a wonderful day. Thank you for visiting!

Changes

That is what I am going through to say the least. I am not going to turn this into a pregnancy blog, but I will keep you updated on my progression with my pregnancy. This post is about my pregnancy, so if that doesn't interest you, just tune out now and check back tomorrow for another subject.

Let me just say that it is an amazing feeling knowing that there is a life growing inside of me. Because of this little one inside of me so many things are changing, not just on the inside but on the outside too. I have never been pregnant before so all of these things are so new to me. Crying at a moments notice has now become everyday occurrences. I think I could win an Oscar for a teary scene now. If I think about the miracle growing inside of me, I cry. If I hear a sad song, I cry. If someone tells me any good or bad news, I cry. Sometimes I just cry for no reason. My tear ducts have gotten a work out and I am proud to report they work just fine.

I am bloated! You know how it feels before your period starts? Well imagine that times about 10. None of my jeans and most of my pants don't fit me. Yet it is a bit early to start wearing those beautiful maternity fashions, so instead I am relying on the few really stretchy things in my wardrobe to get me through. Hallalujah for stretchy fabrics!

By boobs hurt and they are big. I bet my hubby would like to touch them, but I don't see it happening right now. I hope they will get less sore as this pregnancy goes on. I would like for him to be able to enjoy them too before they are gone!

I drink constantly. I feel like a freaking fish or something. I am thirsty all the time. I wake up in the middle of the night and my mouth feels like the desert. I have never drank this much in my entire life. The downside to all of the liquid, you guessed it. I go to the bathroom ten times more than I did before. I hate to see when the baby gets big and starts pressing on my bladder. I may have to set up my desk in the restroom so I can get something done while I am here.

The foods and drinks that I really like don't appeal to me anymore. WHAT? Yeah, um I haven't had a cup of coffee or a Dr. Pepper or a doughnut or pastry item in more than 2 weeks now. The mere thought of coffee and sweets makes me wanna hurl. I kicked my caffeine habit without the headaches.

I stopped taking my crazy pills and I am happy! Yes I haven't killed anyone and I think I will be okay. I do get moody sometimes, but most pregnant women do. I have only had a very few times that it was a little hard for me to breathe because I was stressed out and I just needed to relax.

I can sleep anytime. It isn't usually for long because I have to get up to go pee. If I do manage to sleep through the night without waking up my bladder hurts so bad I just wanna cry. Do you think my body is trying to prepare me for when the baby gets here?

There have been so many other changes and I know I have so much more to go. I am writing a journal about my pregnancy and I am thinking of writing a journal to the baby, you know filled with all sorts of stories about the baby and my thoughts and feelings. Do you have any other ideas about things like that?

The baby is 7mm long

I had my first prenatal visit yesterday and everything went fabulous. The doc said that everything looked to be on schedule. I am 6 weeks and 6 days. My due date is November 11. The doc did an ultrasound so I got to see my little munchkin's heart beating! It was truly awesome, I was crying. I think I am still in shock that I am having a baby. Anywho I have a little sonogram pic of the munchkin, you almost need a magnifying glass to see it because it is so small. I wish I had access to a scanner and I would post it on here to show you all.

The right to live

Have you ever thought much about it? I haven't until this case in Florida and I will not mention her name on here because I don't want this post to come up when people look for her. Let me start off by saying that I do not agree with withholding food from her. She isn't in a coma people, she is awake and she knows people when they come to see her. I think if she had some physical therapy she would be so much better. She isn't a vegetable. Her husband just doesn't want the burden of caring for his wife. Well fine then sign over your rights and let her parents care for her. This is the craziest thing that I have ever heard. He keeps saying that she wouldn't want to live like that, well apparently she does have a will to live buddy if not she would have died long ago. It's not like she is on life support not able to breathe or open her eyes, she can't eat. Is feeding someone considered life support? If so maybe we should stop feeding these old people in the nursing home that can't feed themselves. Where does it end?

This case is so close to me because a few years ago, probably closer to 10 now, a woman that is very close to my family was involved in a car accident. Everyone else in the car with her including her husband and 2 grandchildren (one of which is my neice) was fine. However her airbag deployed and her seatbelt did not catch and it caused her to hit her head on the dashboard. This rather large hit on the head, put her in a coma. The doctors did all sorts of tests on her and said that she would never wake up. Her husband should say his goodbyes and unplug her from the life support that she was on. Her husband instructed the doctros to not speak to him about her condition in front of her, hearing is your very last sense to go. Many doctor's believe that comatose people can hear even when we think they can't. Well imagine everyone's surprise when she opened her eyes. Then the doctors advised him to pick out a nice nursing home for her to spend her days in since he wouldn't just let die. Well a nursing home really wasn't an option either. He refused to be away from her. He would only leave the hospital during the day to go home and shower and change clothes when someone else was there to stay with her. He never spent a night away from her during all of that. So he inlisted some family members and a nurse to come to the house to help him care for her needs. He refused to give up on her and she has made great improvements. No she will never run a marathon or drive a car or speak again, but she is mobile and she does communicate with everyone. After she was released to go home she had to be fed with a feeding tube because she had to learn how to chew and swallow again, but once she learned that in her therapy she can eat.

After living through all of that (trust me that is the abbreviated version) and seeing how someone can make a comeback after the doctors have said there is no hope I just don't see how her husband can give up hope and just move on with his life. Apparently he has done that, and that is fine, but should he be able to kill her and withhold treatments from her just because he doesn't want the burden of caring for her? If he doesn't feel that her life or quality of life is worth being sustained by a feeding tube then he should relinquish his rights to her and divorce her and let her parents take care of her. I do not want to be kept alive by machines if something should ever happen to me, but if I have brain function enough to know my family for Christ's sake don't stop feeding me! When does it stop being about life support and become murder? How can this man sleep at night knowing that he is petitioning the courts to kill his wife?

Guilty or not?

Do you think that Scott Peterson is guilty? And if so does her deserve to die for his crimes? I do believe that he is guilty. Too many things add up to him. By chance if he did not do it, then I hope they find they person that killed Laci and her unborn baby. I think that he should die for his crimes. I am a believer in the death penalty. Now I don't agree with death row inmates sitting on death row for years and years before they are put to death. I think it should be a fairly quick thing. Maybe one appeal or so and then boom dead... Especially the ones that no doubt committed their crimes. I know that seems harsh, but if we have sentenced them to death and there is no chance in hell that they will ever be put back out on the streets to live a normal life then why keep them alive in a prison with no hope. It costs taxpayers something like $30,000.00 a year to house and take care of 1 inmate. I could think of other places that money could be used. Our school systems could certainly benefit from the extra money. The elderly are also a group of people that could certainly benefit from a raise in their fixed incomes. Maybe I should run for public office, there are so many things that need to be changed.

We're having a baby...

I took the test last week and 2 positive tests later I believe it. Well at least I think I believe it. I go to the doctor next Tuesday and he will confirm it for us. I am so excited. It feels so wierd to tell people that I am pregnant. I told my boss and my co-workers today, they are all very happy. A few were extremely shocked. My boss handled it very well, I was kind of afraid to tell him. I mostly take care of a lot of the office stuff and run the company so he can do the things that he wants to do. I will have to retrain him on some things that he will have to do while I am gone. Isn't that funny that I will have to train my boss to do things that he used to do on a daily basis. Oh well, I have plenty of time to work out all those details.

We told our child on Friday. She is so excited about being a big sister. She kissed my stomach goodnight Friday before we went to bed. She is such a sweet child. I hope she stays this happy even after the baby comes. We let her tell my hubby's family and of course they are excited.

I told my mom Friday and she started crying. She said she had began to wonder if I would ever have any, you know I am almost 29 and all. I am telling the rest of my family on Saturday at our Easter egg hunt. I am sure that they will be thrilled.

Is it really a disease?

Do you think alcoholism is really a disease? Do you think it is heriditary? As I was driving home the other day I was pondering these questions and reflecting on my opinions of this issue. I grew up in a family of alcoholics. My granddad on my mom's side was an alcoholic, my dad was an alcoholic, my mom was an alcoholic, my sister is an alcoholic, my ex-husband is an alcoholic as was his dad. There seems to be a pattern here. This post is only my opinion from what I have lived, so if you don't agree with me that's fine.

My dad was an alcoholic, that much I know. Some of the rest of the facts have been filled in from my family. I don't have too many memories of my dad, and sometimes I think that is probably for the best. He was a very hard worker, from sun up to sun down. It was after the sun went down that he changed. He would get off work on his payday and my mom would know that he wasn't coming home. She would meet him and get his paycheck and he would go out to the bar. She woud go home and get supper on the table and get us kids ready for bed and get a neighbor or friend to come and sit with us and she would go looking for him.

I could not imagine that being my life, until I got married. I worked nights in a factory and went to college during the day. My ex-husband worked days and he had the nights free, so he would get off work and meet up with his friends and drink and party, as long as he was home before I got home from work, everything was fine. Then it got worse. I would get home and he would not be there, and the really bad thing was that he was MIA in his work van. So guess what I would do? Yep, I would get in the car and go to all of his hangouts looking for him. I would be so pissed off driving around in the wee hours of the morning looking for him. It got so bad that sometimes when the phone rang at work I would pray that it would be the coroner calling to tell me that he had been in a terrible crash and they had not been able to save him. Of course that call never came. Although I did get the call that he had been arrested for DUI and he wanted me to come and get him out of jail. Well it never happened, I don't bail people out of jail for pure stupidity. You think your friends are that great, let them get you out. Better yet, why not call your parents. I eventually quit going to look for him. I would just go to bed and hope for the worst. When we separated and eventually divorced I found so many liquor bottles and beer bottles and cans. It was a real eye opener. Sometimes it is hard to see things when you are in the middle of it, you know the whole can't see the forest for the trees saying. It was not like I was uncaring, I tried to get him help. The only problem with that was that you have to want help to be helped. He just has an addictive personality and eventually he moved on from alcohol to drugs. The last time I talked to him he was high as a kite and as happy as he could be. I still pray for him, because I know deep down inside the person that he really is.

After my dad died, my mom went through her second teenage phase. Afterall she did get married at 16 and started having children a year later. She went out drinking and partying all the time and dated loser after loser. You would think that after having put up with my dad and her dad growing up that she would want something different. Well she did, she finally found someone worse than my dad. She found an alcoholic younger than her that needed someone to take care of him. So she moved him in and things went from bad to worse. They went out drinking and partying all the time. She started drinking in the afternoons and at night. They would both drink and then fight. I still have nighmares about it sometimes. It is not like you can reason with a drunk. I never had friends come over and spend the night because you never knew when the evening would turn into a bar room brawl. How fitting that I would marry someone at least the first time that had those same problems. The same kind of man that I had grown up around and been influenced by. I rarely if ever saw my mom hold hands or receive affection. I never really saw my mother be loved my someone else. I have made every effort in my own life to show my child how a woman should treat her husband and in return how she deserves to be treated. That is really a whole other post for another day.

Growing up in that environment I have to wonder why am I not like them. My sisters are to a certain degree, each one of them have something that they are or have been addicted to. I have one sister that lost her children because drinking and partying are far more important than being a mother for her. I have another sister that does drugs. Thank God in heaven she never had children. I just knew that growing up I wanted to be different. I did not drink much in highschool or since then because deep down I am scared that I will be like them. I don't want that demon to take hold of me. I have never used drugs, except those prescribed by the doctor. My ex-husband always called me little miss goody two shoes because I could pass on anything. When the joint came around I did not feel pressured to take a hit, I knew in the end I had to live with the decisions that I made and I made the decision to be different.

I could write about this topic all day and I could give you facts from experts and statistics, but I think personal experience speaks volumes. After all statistics are just a bunch of numbers.

March, in like a lion...

Whew! The wind just blew me in to work. The lion that is known as the beginning of March is roaring today. I don't know why I bothered to fix my hair this morning. As soon as I walked outside it was blown to the other side of my head. A positive thing about the wind: It cleans the pinestraw and leaves from my driveway.

Let's see what is going on inside my head today (BEWARE: this is completely random):

I am so tired. I don't know how much longer I can take this fitful sleeping that my mind and body have decided to indulge me in. It has to stop soon!

Today is day 34 of my cycle. For those of you that have been reading me for a while, you know that hubby and I are trying unsuccessfully to get pregnant. I am late again. I wonder if this is just a cruel joke that my body is playing on me. I just can't get excited for fear of the disappointment. We have decided to wait until Friday if no period then we will get the test and see. It is so hard being disappointed every month. Maybe this is the one!

I miss my best friend. I feel like she is a world away. She sent me a really funny card which I got yesterday. What a fantastic way to start a Monday.

I have so much going on the next few weekends, I will not have a chance to rest or do anything else. We have our child the next 2 weekends. She is playing soccer now (did I mention that before?) so we have soccer games to get her to. She is singing the national anthem along with her chorus group at a hockey game on the 18th. The 19th is when my family is doing Easter and the spring birthdays. Then the next weekend is Easter and I have the weekend lunch program for the homeless both Saturday and Sunday. Not to mention both of those weekends are the Cherry Blossom Festival. I need a vacation!

I am hungry. I wonder what will be good for lunch. I am trying to convince myself to think outside the bun today. Oh how I love to think outisde the bun!

Why has the mailman not gotten here yet? He must be lost or something. Maybe this strong wind has blown his van off the road.

My fish is swimming around today. He must be feeling better.

There is a peek inside my head for you. Have a happy Tuesday!

Just keep swimming

Happy Friday! I have to tell you this quick story. Yesterday I was leaving work a little early, so I was just sort of killing time. My computer was acting crazy so I was rebooting it and waiting for it to come back to life and I decided that I would change my betta fish Toto's water. It was a yucky shade of green. I dipped him out and put him in a cup like I usually do when I clean his tank. I cleaned it and refilled it with water and put him back in his happy little home. I carried him back to my desk when all of a sudden the tank slipped out of my hands. It hit my desk at an angle and water and rocks went flying. Office assistant said it looked like a water fall. Well I quick picked up the container and rushed it to the sink to refill Toto's home with water. He wasn't moving. I thought I had killed him. I left his container in the sink while I ran back to my desk to try and salvage the files and paperwork that were scattered on my desk. What a mess, water and rocks everywhere. The carpet in front of my desk was soaked as was everything on my desk. I blotted up all the water that I could and laid all my paperwork out flat to dry. I went back to check on my fish and he was moving. He survived but I think it scared him really badly. Anyway now he won't eat, so I fear the end may be near for him. My office assistant is still laughing about the whole thing..She said she has never seen anything like that in all of her life.

On a completely different note here is a little Q & A for your reaading pleasure. Feel free to steal this list. I stole it from Judy at Life as a Knockoff Bag!

1. First name? Samantha
2. Were you named after anyone? Yes, A little girl n a commercial. My dad liked her name.
3. Do you wish on stars? Sometimes I wish Matthew McConahey would come and visit me. Oh wait that wasn't what you meant.
4. When did you last cry? I honestly don't remember. Maybe it is time for a good cry.
5. Do you like your handwriting? Not usually.
6. What is your favorite lunch meat? Smoked turkey, you didn't know that turkey smoked did you?
7. What is your birth date? April 9, 1976
8. How many pairs of shoes do you own? At least 55 pair, is that too many?
9. If you were another person, would YOU be friends with you? Duh! Yeah, everyone wants to be my friend.
10. What is the color of the handtowel in your bathroom? Sage green, plain
11. Would you ever get plastic surgery? I have seriously thought about Liposuction, but it just looks too painful.
12. What are you good at that not many people know about? Cooking
13. Shamrock shakes - do you think they'd be good all year round? I didn't know shamrocks made a shake.
14. What is your favorite number? Today it is 6.
15. Your favorite word? actually
16. What is the last place you went to in your car? To work
17. Why are you doing this? Thought it might be fun.
18. Do you have a journal? Other than this one, no.
19. Do you use sarcasm a lot? Does a bear shit in the woods? You tell me.
20. Do you think leg warmers should make a comeback? Only if you are tredging through the snow.
21. Does your car have a name - what is it? No, but it should.
22. What are your nicknames? Sam, Sam-bo, Bo-bo, Mosey, Bo, Sammy, Sammy-poo, Sweetpea, Babygirl, Baby, that's all I can think of at the moment, there may be more.
23. Would you bungee jump? Why not, you only live once, and if your cord breaks that could end it all.
24. Do you untie your shoes when you take them off? No, I also don't untie them before I put them on.
25. Favorite Movie? My favorite movie of all time is, drumroll please, "The Wizard of Oz."
26. What is your favorite ice cream flavor? Breyer's Peach
27. What is your least favorite ice cream flavor? chocolate, yuk!
28. Shoe Size? 8 1/2 or 9
29. Red or pink? Red
30. What is your least favorite thing about yourself? My pudgy tummy
31. Who do you miss most? My dad
33. What color pants and shoes are you wearing? Jeans with black slip-ins.
34. What are you listening to right now? the radio, but I don't know the name of the song or who sings it.
35. Last thing you ate? A salad with my supper last night.
36. If you were a crayon, what color would you be? golden yellow
37. What is the weather like right now? Chilly, but the sun is shining!
38. Last person you talked to on the phone? My co-worker
39. The first thing you notice about the opposite sex? Eyes, teeth
40. The first thing you notice about the same sex? Shoes and purse
41. Favorite alcohol drink: Sex on the beach
42. Favorite regular drink? Sweet iced tea with lemon.
43. Favorite Sport to play? Me play sports, you must be joking.
44. Hair Color? Medium brown
45. Eye Color? Hazel
46. Do you wear contacts? no I wear glasses.
48. Favorite Food? Mexican
49. Last Movie You Watched? Finding Nemo
50. Favorite Day Of The Year? April 9
51. Scary Movies Or Happy Endings? Happy endings, especially if they make me cry.
52. Summer Or Winter? Honestly fall and spring. Too hot in the summer, too cold in the winter.
53. Hugs OR Kisses? Hugs, I am a hugger.
55. What Is Your Favorite Dessert? Blondie from Applebee's with Vanilla ice cream.
58. Living Arrangements? House with my hubby and our 3 dogs and child.
59. Graduate when? From high school, 1994.
62. What Did You Watch Last night on TV? Joey, Antiques Roadshow
63. Favorite Smells? The beach. my hubby, fresh cut grass, babies
64. What time do you go to bed? I try to stay awake until 11 during the week, but I don't usually make it.
65. If you had a pet chinchilla, what would its name be? Chilly-willy the baby chinchilla
66. What's the furthest you've been from home? Nassau, Bahamas, that's far isn't it?
67. Do you have a special talent? I don't think I have found it yet.
68. What is your ringtone? Think about it, my name is Samantha, so my ringtone is Bewitched..

Can you read the writing on the wall?

Have you ever wondered why you write the way you do? I don't mean the order of the words or your use of commas and periods, I mean your handwriting. Have you ever wondered why it looks the way that it does? Until today I had never really given it much thought. I write mostly in cursive, even if I start out in print I end up in cursive. My writing style is a mixture of cursive and non-cursive letters. There are some letters that I don't like to write in cursive. Take for example a cursive S, the only time I write a cursive capital S is at the beginning of my name. The rest of the time I write a regular S and just attach my other letters to it. Why is that? I wonder when my brain decided that the only time it would write a cursive capital S would be at the beginning of my name. I remember learning to write in cursive in school. I was in second grade, Ms. Hubbard's class. We had these little books that had the arrows around the curves in the letters to show us how to write them. Did anyone else have those little cursive writing books?

What makes one person's hand writing prettier than others? Is it heriditary. I don't really like my handwriting. I try to make an effort to write pretty, but it always ends up looking the same. I had an office assistant one time that had the best handwriting. She could write in cursive, print, Spanish, you name it and it looked uniform and very neat. My handwriting is all over the page, literally. One day it may be big and curly and the next day it may be small and scribbled. Maybe one day I will have a neat, uniform handwriting that others think is pretty.

Here comes Peter Cottontail...

Hopping down the bunny trail. Hippity Hoppity Easter's on it's way. It is an early Easter this year. I enjoy Easter, partly because it is usually near my birthday and partly because it usually signals the beginning of Spring. I climbed the stairs into the attic last night and got down the 2 boxes of Easter decorations. I put some out last night, maybe tonight I will feel like putting the rest of them out. I think I will make an egg tree in the front yard this year. Yes I am the person in your neighborhood that decorates for every holiday. And no we still have not taken the icicle lights off of the gutter from Christmas, but thanks for noticing.

Hello...Can I help you?

It has been a crazy day here at the office. It seems my phone has been ringing all day long. I have been so busy. It has really made me tired now! Anywho, I haven't been sleeping well at night. I have been dreaming the wierdest things. The dreams seem so real that I feel like I am actually there and then I wake up all unrested because I was so active in my dream. Does that make sense? Good, I am glad that you get me.

My mom's birthday was Saturday. She quit smoking on her birthday 4 years ago so we celebrate that milestone as well as her birth. We aren't having her party for a few weeks so I surprised her Saturday. She had to work so I got my family (husband and child) up and ready and we purchased a small cake and some balloons and a couple of gifts and went to her work and surprised her. She did not even tell her co-worker that it was her birthday. She was so surprised. She cried. I love my mom.

I love to do special thoughtful things for people. I especially love to send cards. I should own stock in Hallmark or one of those greeting card companies. I have a challenge for you: send a card to someone that you are thinking about for no reason. Not an e-card a real paper card with an envelope and all. Just watch the response that you get. It will make you feel good to know that you have brightened someone's day. Let me know what happens.