Spend the night with me

I have been having a lot of bad days lately. Yesterday I even toyed with the idea of calling my doctor and asking to be put back on anti-depressants. That is one of those things that I don't want to do. I really want to be able to handle my life's struggles without the help of a daily dose of feel good medicine. Don't get me wrong, there was a time when I could not face the day without them, but I have gotten over that now and I really don't want to go back. I have been very proud of myself for being off of the pills for my entire pregnancy and the six months following. Let me just stop here before I get all the hate mail and say there is nothing wrong with taking anti-depressants, if you need them. I just don't want to need them. My post is going down the wrong track, so let me get it back on track here. I think the reason for my moodiness, irritability, tiredness and general bitchiness (for lack of a better word) is sleep deprivation. I read all about it during my pregnancy and vowed that would never happen to me. But you know what they say, never say never. I have not had a good night's sleep in more than 8 months. The last 2 months of my pregnancy it was so hard for me to even roll over in bed that I spent half the night trying to get comfy anf the other half getting up to pee. Anyway here is how I spent last night.

8:30pm- baby is asleep

10:30pm- I am asleep

1:00am- baby is awake and crying. I go to him and try to find his pacifier. It is lost in his bed, the next closest one is in the kitchen. I pick up the baby and feed him. After about 15 minutes he is peacefully asleep again. I tiptoe into the kitchen and get a pacifier and go back to his room and lay him down with pacifier in mouth. Before I can go back to bed I have to go to the bathroom.

1:30am- I am asleep again

5:05am- hubby's first alarm goes off

5:15am hubby's second alarm goes off

5:20am hubby's third alarm goes off, thank goodness he gets up this time. By this time I am awake!

5:50am- baby is awake, he is not crying yet, but if no action is taken he will be wide awake soon. I go to him and give him his pacifier and he does drift back off to sleep.

6:05am- my alarm goes off, might as well get up, hubby is blow drying his hair, who can sleep through that?

8 hours of uninterrupted sleep would be a nice Mother's Day gift. When I complain about the baby waking up, I get questions and advice from everyone. I will give you a few of the most common ones: Are you giving him cereal? Yes he eats cereal at supper time as well as almost 2 jars of baby food as well as breastmilk right before he goes to sleep. On to the next one, just let him cry it out. Well that may be an option, but he will cry until he makes himself sick if someone does not at least go into his room and give him a pacifier and let him know he is not alone. Besides just knowing that my child needs comforting and no one is there to comfort him just breaks my heart. Most nights I do try to just give him the pacifier and not feed him, sometimes that works, but other times he spits out the pacifier and starts crying again. I guess if I am going to be up I might as well feed him. Some nights he does sleep until 4 or 4:30 before he wakes up, those are my favorite, most restful nights. I know, like everything else this too shall pass, I just hope I can hang on until then.