Taking time for myself

That is something that I rarely ever do. Before I had my little one, I would go shopping or out to eat with hubby or my friends or just take a day to lay around and read magazines and watch movies. Those of you that have children know that once the baby gets here, there is no time for things like that. Even less time for anything that does not HAVE to be done.

Well I am one of those people that thinks that they can do it all. You know, work full-time, raise the kids, cook supper every night, keep the house cleaned, keep all the laundry washed and put away, bake cookies, entertain friends and family, fight crime and injustice, and not look like I am struggling to get it all done. I have always been like that, even before I had kids to raise. There are very few times that I just sit and do nothing. If I do sit down to watch T.V., I am clipping coupons and making the grocery list or thinking of all the other things that I could be doing while I am sitting there. The only time my mind really rests is when I sleep and even then my wheels are turning. I have been known to start a load of laundry when I get up to breastfeed the babe at 4 am. Most people would not be thinking about laundry in the middle of the night!

Someone once gave me a book for women who do too much, do you think I have read it? Are you kidding, who has time to read, there are cookies to be baked and sheets to be changed. Don't think though that with all this cleaning and obsessing that I do that my house is actually spotless. Oh not for a minute, not with a husband, 2 kids and a dog. No matter how much I vaccuum, there is still dog hair, no matter how many dishes I wash or laundry that I do, something is still dirty.

There is no way that I can get it all done, there are just not enough hours in the day. All that said I wouldn't trade my life for anything, but it really wears me out. Especially lately, my babe has started this frantic crying when we put him to bed. Not just at night, oh no at naptime too. He will be really asleep and then we go to lay him in the crib and he open his eyes just a little bit and realizes that we are putting him down in his crib and he starts wailing. So we let him wail for a bit and then when neither of us can take it anymore. He wants to be held while he sleeps. WTF? Yeah, that is what I think of that. There is no way that I can sleep in his cirb every night. I mean come on, having to hang my legs out of the bars is just more than I can take. But seriously we have let him sleep with us for the past few nights. He will sleep for about an hour or two and then start moving around and wake up. If we snuggle him close and hold him tight usually he will settle down and go back to sleep. Co-sleeping is not for me. In my house every child has their bed and that is where they should sleep, with the exception of sickness or bad weather. I just cannot REALLY go to sleep with him in our bed. So I have not really slept in 3 days! 3 days is a long time. I thought yesterday that when he took his nap I would nap too, but he cried for 30 minutes before he went to sleep then he only slept about 45 minutes which was right as I was drifting off to sleep. He has been very clingy and whiny lately. I don't know if he is about to do something major and he is unable to sleep at night in order to prepare for it or if maybe he just has too much energy to stay asleep. When he is asleep, his legs and arms are moving and sometimes he is babbling. I don't know what to do. Last night I gave him Tylenol and he did manage to stay in his bed for almost 2 1/2 hours. He has been sleeping in his bed with no problems for several months now, and he has been fine. That is why I am convinced that something is going on with him, sleep habits don't just change overnight.

Anyway I have been really snappy and ill lately with my family because hello people I am freaking exhausted. On top of everything else that has been going on I have had to deal with my hubby and the job situation, so I just really am tired. Tired to the bone. As I was packing up everything to leave the house this morning, baby in one arm and everything else in the other, hubby says to me that I need to take Sunday off and go and do something for me. Go see your best friend, go see a movie, or I can take the babe and you can stay at home, whatever you want to do, but you need a break. Immediately I begin to cry. Yeah tears of relief, tears of frustration, tears of realization, tears of appreciation. I quietly told my husband thank you. He went on to explain that it was not because he thinks I am a bad mom or a bad wife, be he does realize that I do WAY TOO MUCH. He went on to say that he does not know how I do it. I need to learn to let some things go, they will eventually get done, that I need to take time for me and to relax and let the dishes sit on the table or the laundry in the basket. He also said that it will make me a better mom and wife, because what good am I if I am running screaming from the house because I just can't take it anymore. I know I need a break, but I will not ever ask for one, it is just part of the way I am. I will just keep doing it all until I run out of steam.

So think about me on Sunday, having some (hopefully) guilt-free me time.