Happy 1st Birthday Little One

To my sweet little baby boy,

It is hard to believe that it has been a year since I first laid eyes on your sweet face. So much has happened in that year. You have learned so many things. You have taught me so many things.

When I was pregnant with you Sissy would ask me what I thought you would look like and for the life of me I could not imagine your face. I tried, but I just couldn’t come up with anything. I would sit and daydream about you. I would imagine all the things that we would do together. I would try to imagine what it would be like to hold you in my arms, to rock you to sleep, to sing lullabies to you. None of my daydreams prepared me for the awe that I would feel when I heard you cry for the first time, or the overwhelming love that I would feel for you the first time that I saw you and held you in my arms. You were and still are the most beautiful thing that I have ever seen in my life. My love for you grows deeper every day, if that is even possible. I never in my life imagined that I could love someone the way that I love you. You are my heart and my joy, the light of my life. I have found a joy like no other since you have been born.

With that love has also come heartache. My heart aches because you are growing so fast. I long for the days of my tiny baby that would snuggle in close to me and just be happy to be held. I also delight in the new things that you have learned and the little person that you are becoming. Everyday with you is an adventure.

I also have guilt. How can a parent not have some guilt? There is no way to be perfect in everything that we do. I just hope you are able to look beyond our imperfections and love us anyway. I will always do right by you, of that you can be assured.

You are such a perfect child. I could not have asked for a better child. I know my life has been truly blessed by you. The way that you hug me when you see me after I have been at work or after you have been asleep just melts my heart. Don’t get me wrong you also have a not so perfect side, and there are times that I find myself praying for the strength to deal with your tantrums and whiny-ness. Somehow the strength is always there.

There are many times when you are sleeping in my arms at night that I just hold you close and put my nose up to your head and just inhale you. I just look at you in the little bit of light in your nursery and I try to memorize everything about you because tomorrow it will be a new day and you will be a little bit different. Then I pray. I always start out by thanking God for you and the many blessings that he has bestowed on me. Then I kiss you on the head or on the cheek and put you in your crib. You snuggle down with your blankie and I just stand there in awe of you, much like the day you were born.

My birthday wish for you is that you are always able to find happiness. Sometimes we don’t get the things in this life that we want, but being able to be happy with what you have is truly a blessing. I wish that for you. So many other things that I wish for you… I wish a life of laughter, wellness, wealth, true happiness.

Happy first birthday to the light of my life. I will always love you!

Love,
Mommy