Odds and ends

Things in my mind are sometimes very jumbled, it isn't that I can't have a complete thought. It is the fact that the first thought is like a train, it just sort of takes off and winds its way through different paths and takes different turns and leads to other thoughts mostly completely unrelated to the first thought. I have often wondered if I don't have some form of adult ADD. It is frustrating sometimes because my thought patterns make it very difficult for me to have long conversations or write long letters or long posts or anything that requires too much thought on one subject. That is one reason my best friend and I get along so well, she thinks like I do. I think it would be hard for a stranger to follow our conversations because we jump form one subject to another, just the way our minds do! Anyway I tell you all that to sort of explain to you why this post is going to be all over the place. Just some random things that are in my head and have been going on that I would like to share.

I got a freakin' ticket this morning. No, not when I was going 80 miles an hour on the interstate or when I changed lanes with out using my turn signal or when I made a u-turn in the middle of the street because I realized that I forgot my watch. No, no, no not for any of that, thankfully! No I got a ticket when I rolled through a stop sign leaving my mother-in-laws house this morning. They were staking out this stop sign unbeknownst to me and many other bewildered stop sign runners. He had the nerve to say that I did not even slow down. WHATEVER you jackass, just write me the damn ticket and let me get on to work! I did not even argue with him, which is so unlike me. I could not come up with a creative story to tell him as to the reason that I ran it or anything. I wish I could have came up with something like Martha in the backseat told me that the coast was clear. What is that officer, you don't see anyone in my backseat. Well how can you not see her she is a 6'4" tall dinosaur for goodness sakes. If you can't see her then are you sure you saw me run the stop sign. I mean really how can you be sure. Yeah I couldn't even come up with anything close to that. Oh the frustration. I did call the court and the ticket is $63.00. That just chaps my ass, but I did manage to call my sister-in-law and warn her so she did not meet my same fate. Sure enough the person in front of her ran the stop sign and out they came, blue lights flashing and all. They must have thought she was really dangerous because the second cop car came too. Glad to know I didn't require back-up to be called!

So as I am on my way back to work from lunch I am deep in thought. (Yes I did remember to stop at the stop sign when I was leaving.) I am not a supersticious person (you can probably tell that because I am sure that I misspelled it and really don't care). There are some things though that for one reason or another stick out in your head when you hear them. You know those old wives tales. Like the one my mom told me once, you know the one about if you leave something at home, don't go back for it, it is bad luck. Yeah you see maybe I jinxed myself this morning when I went back and got my watch that I made a u-turn for right in the middle of the street. I actually almost did not go back and get it because I did not want to bring myself bad luck. but what the hell, you have to live dangerously sometimes. I should not have went back and my day probably would have been better, except for the fact that I would not know what time it is.

When I got to work this morning, finally after the cop gave me my ticket and all, our computer was down. Fabulous, a few of the other ladies in the office come in at 8 so they had been here for 30 minutes unable to work, because I am the only one that knows how to get it all back up and running. Great to be important and needed, much job security here! In all fairness my boss and my office assistant know how to get it all going again too, but the boss is out of town and the assistant comes in the same time as me (8:30). Once I got it all going everyone was happy, well as happy as you can be at work that is. It has been a bad week at work, I mean really stressful. To the point that I either wanted to start drinking on the job or start back on anxiety medicine. It has been so bad this week that I have had to call out my evil twin personality to handle some things. Now that is bad. I usually try to be sugary sweet with people and get things handled, but in a very nice way. Well I have over used curse words and been very demanding with some people. I pretty much told some of the support people at our software company that they are a bunch of idiots and I could do their job better than them and then I slammed the phone down. We have changed over to a new server this week, with a different operating system. Same basic programs, but new system. As always with a new system there are problems, mostly small things, but when you call them they act like you are speaking jibberish and they can't understand your problem. So this has been going on since ummm Tuesday. Yeah makes for a fun week.

Okay I am sure that there are other things that I was going to post about, oh yeah my Granny, but I will save her for another day. I hope everyone has a great stress-free weekend!!!

The time has come...

Yes the time has come to finally buy the bigger carseat. The time has probably honestly been here for a while, but for many reasons I have procrastinated. One of the main reasons that I have procrastinated is the convenience that the infant seat offered. When you get to the store you just take out the seat put it in the cart and you are ready to shop. That is until said infant starts wailing, then you end up taking the squirmy babe out and trying to hold him and push the cart. Oh how I miss the days when he would sleep during our little shopping excursions!

I knew the time was really today when on our way to my mother-in-laws this morning I look back at my little sweet angel and he has managed to pull down the middle harness part and has gotten his arm nearly completely out of the strap of his infant seat. Do you think that is how Houdini got started??? So my little escape artist has forced me to go buy the big seat. I am not excited in the least bit about it. It means my baby is no longer a little baby, well honestly he never was a little baby. He weighed 8 lbs 9 ozs at birth and has been steadily growing since then. At 7 months old he weighs more than 18 lbs and he is more than 27 inches tall. Yeah he isn't a little baby, but he is growing up so fast and I just want to keep him little just a bit longer. Pic is when he was 4 months old, that was 3 months ago!

My first picture!!!!

I feel so stupid now! I never knew how easy it is to post pictures on my blog. Thank you to everyone for all of your help! Of course the first picture that I post is of my sweet little angel. This was taken last Saturday. Enjoy!

I figured it out

I am so proud of myself. I figured out how to get my blogrolling links back in the sidebar. It only took me about 3 tries. But I got it!! WHOO HOO! Now if I could just figure out how to post pictures. Maybe one day I will take the time.

Can someone please help me?

Okay so I changed the template of my blog. Doesn't it look better? Well I don't know how to get my Daily Distractions blogroll back. That means I can't go and read my people. That is why I have not changed anything on this blog since I started it. I am not computer savvy. HELP ME PLEASE!

Leave my stuff alone

I get so aggravated at work when people mess with my stuff. I do have my own office, in the very front of the building. You have to walk through my office to get to the office with the fax machine, copier and postage machine. So I never have any real privacy or peace and quiet while I am here. It also means if someone can't find something in that area of the office they come to my office looking through my things for whatever it is that they need. I don't mind, really, I don't. Most everyday items are on top of my desk anyway, there is no need to go rifling through my drawers to look for things. I have had to go all over the office at times trying to track my stuff down. After my maternity leave I no longer owned a pair of scissors, they were really nice scissors too, everytime I have to cut something I miss them. I looked everywhere for them, they disappeared! I am really surprised that was all that was missing. Since I have returned to work I have taken my sharpie and written my name on all my stuff, you know like you have to do in kindergarten. You would think that grown people would know better than to take your stuff, but apparently they don't. Anyway let me get to the point of what has brought on this post. I had court this morning for work in the town that I live in, which is about 30 minutes from here. It would have been nice to just come in after that, but I had to come here anyway this morning because I had to take the babe to my mother-in-law's. So I was here for about 45 minutes before I had to leave. I left all my stuff pulled up on my computer because hello I was coming right back. So anyway when I get back someone is blasting Napster radio through my speakers and most of the things I had minimized were just closed out. It infuriated me! As most of you know I just got this new computer after I got back from maternity leave. My other one was so slow and I finally complained enough that I got a new one. One reason my other one was so slow was because everyone used my computer when I was away from it and dowloaded CRAP on it and opened some emails that had viruses attached, you get the picture. Anyway we tried several times to get all the stuff off of it, but we were never successful. I asked loud enough for the person to hear me, if she had been on my computer. Of course my office assistant said yes, she had been on my computer while I was out. GREAT! Anyway what do you do, she is the bosses daughter? She does no wrong. She is here cleaning, why does she need to be on my computer at all? I have comtemplated pasword protecting it, but there are times when someone really does need something on my computer and I would hate for them to have to track me down to get a password. Anyway that just really chaps my ass. This computer is not a play thing. It is what I have to work on 8 hours a day. It contains ALL of my work files and probably more personal files than it should. I finally have a good computer and I just really don't want it screwed up like the other one. I think it just shows a lack of respect for others and their stuff. That is my rant for the day. I hope you are having a good Monday!

Mixed emotions

I am a little sad and a little happy at the same time today. My baby has pretty much cut out his afternoon (4:00) bottle. He never really liked the bottle anyway, he just would rather have the real thing. Since his 6 month check-up he has been eating 3 meals a day of baby food and cereal and still breastfeeding also. Since I came back to work he has been taking a few ounces of milk at around 4 each day. Just enough milk to hold him over until I got there at 5:30 to give him the real thing! Anyway I have been pumping nearly everyday at around that time for a little over 5 months now. I decided yesterday after talking to my mother in law that there really was no need for me to pump anymore because he isn't eating it and we all know what a pain pumping can be sometimes. I was excited yesterday about it. Whoo Hoo no more feeling like a cow hooked up the the milk machine! This morning when I left the house without my breastpump I have to say it felt like I had left a vital part of me behind. Almost like I had left my purse or something. I haven't really thought about it that much, until I told my assistant that I would not be taking my afternoon break to pump anymore. The reality of it all hit me. I nearly burst into tears. It is all happening so fast, my child is growing up! He has a tooth now and he has given up his afternoon bottle, what's next? I will continue to breastfeed at least until he is a year old, or until we both decide that it is the time to stop. I hope it will be easier then, right now I just can't imagine.

White caps

Just a quick post to let you know that my sweet boy now has teeth. The bottom two are finally breaking through the skin. He just keeps rubbing his tongue and his fingers on them. I guess it must feel really strange to him. They came in just one week shy of his 7 month birthday.

I have to tell you it was so hard to come back to worh this morning after having 3 days at home with him and my hubby. We had such a nice weekend. Not much whining, nice long nap times. I wish every weekend could be that easy.

What a difference a day makes

24 little hours can make such a difference. I got a better night's sleep and can think more clearly today. It dawned on me on the way to work today that my sweet little boy's problem may be the new foods he has been trying. He has been eating rice cereal since he was 4 months old and we started stage 1 foods shortly after that. He has been doing fine on those things. Well a week or so ago I thought he might like Oatmeal, so I got him some. He gobbled it up at first. Since then he acts like he really doesn't like it, so I just do what any good mom would do. I mix it with a yummy fruit and he eats it. Maybe it is the Oatmeal that is making him cry and scream. Anyway I am going back to the foods that I know he can tolerate for a week and see how he acts. That should tell me whether or not it was something that we have been feeding him. I know it is not his fault that he hasn't been feeling well lately, but when I have done all that I can, I just don't know what else to do. I don't think he is scarred for life. He still loves me, and he is still my sweet little baby boy, even if he is having a bad time crying and screaming lately. Just another trial of motherhood.

Another sleepless night

I know that everyone is tired of hearing about my lack of sleep, but bear with me. I need to tell someone. I can handle things so much better when I have had a great night's sleep, which hasn't been happening lately. My mother-in-law is on vacation until tomorrow night so I had to take the afternoon off on Friday because I only had a sitter for the morning. Well today and tomorrow I am only working in the afternoons because I only have a sitter then. Great I think to myself, I can sleep until at least 7 today and tomorrow which is when my baby normally wakes up, then we will play and when he naps I will get ready for work. Well not the case. He decided just this past weekend that his new time that he wants to get up is 6am. Well that is not good for me, that one hour makes so much of a difference. Did he not get the memo that I did not have to get up that early? Oh yeah, he can't read and even if he could I have a feeling that he would not care.

He had a bad weekend. I don't know if it was his teething or late reaction to the shots on Wednesday or what. He was very clingy, whiny and basically just refused to nap until he just passed out from sheer exhaustion, which is so unlike him, he is usually such a great baby. My arms were numb from holding him and I got very little done in the way of house work because everytime I got out of his sight, he started wailing. I do not mind holding my child and cuddling him, but he doesn't want that, he wants you to hold him while he grabs any and everything that he can get his tiny little hands or feet on and he doesn't want to be sweet about it and let you sit down while you hold him. No sir, you must stand up, preferably in front of a TV playing his favorite Wiggles episodes and move back and forth. That is fine for a few minutes, but it is so tiring. Anyway I had to get ready this morning and I figured since he was awake so freaking early that he would take a nap at a decent time. So around 9 we went outside and sat in the swing and usually this puts him right to sleep. Well we swang and we swang. He got into every position that he could and he did everything to help himself stay awake. So around 9:30 I really needed to start getting myself together for work, so I put him in his exersaucer thingy and put him right in front of the bathroom door so he could hear me in the shower. I proceed to shower and he is fine at first. Then it starts, the whining, which eventually turns into wailing. VERY LOUD WAILING! I hurriedly wash my hair and jump out of the shower, wrap my towel around my dripping wet self and rush over to him. The way he was screaming I just knew that a big bear had somehow gotten into the house and must be chomping his leg off or something. Much to my surprise there was no bear, not even an ant biting him. Just screaming because he was tired I guess. SO I gave him his pacifier and tried to dry myself off so I could pick him up, but no he just kept on screaming this time louder. Still no tears, because he is not crying, just screaming. Anyway, by this time I was really starting to lose my mind. CAN"T I HAVE 30 MINUTES TO GET MYSELF READY FOR WORK WITHOUT HAVING TO PICK YOU UP AND HOLD YOU, I was thinking to myself. Then it happened, from out of no where, I SCREAMED TO THE TOP OF MY LUNGS. Just one big AARRHHHHHHH! It completely mortified my child and then he began to cry, real tears! I felt like crap. I had just gotten so frustrated! If he is so tired, why won't he just go to sleep, why must he scream for 30 minutes before he finally gives in to sleep? Anyway I quickly picked him up and rushed him into the den and turned on the freaking Wiggles and stood there in front of the TV for 30 minutes until he fell asleep. By the way he hushed after I picked him up and snuggled him to me. I cried while I held him watching the Wiggles. I feel so bad for losing my cool and screaming, but I am just so tired. I have been crying off and on since then. I don't think I am a good mommy. Good mommies don't scream at their babies, they patiently try different things until their baby is calm. I hope I have not traumatized my sweet little one. He was fine when he woke up from his 30 minute nap and he was fine when I left him with my mom to come to work. I pray everyday for patience, especially with him. I just feel like a horrible person!

Yesterday's check-up

I had to take my little one to the doctor yesterday for his 6 month check-up and the dreaded 4 shots that were due. My mother-in-law met me there with him and stayed with us until we were all done. He got a good report. He weighs 17 lbs and 13 ozs and he is 27 3/4 inches long. The doctor seemed kind of surprised that I am still breastfeeding him. Most of the moms that I know that did breastfeed had stopped for one reason or another by this age. Anyway we are still going strong there and I don't plan on stopping until we wean him at around 12 months. He praised us on the good job we were doing because my child seems so healthy. He has had the sniffles, but nothing major. I attribute his wellness to the fact that he does not go to daycare and is very rarely around a lot of children and I am sure that the breastfeeding helps. He has only been to the doctor for his check-ups and shots. (Yes Kelly I am knocking on wood...do you hear me?) I also attribute the lack of doctor's visits on the fact that he has a great nurse that works for him. All she does all day long is handle phone calls from parents and she lets you know whether you need to bring your child in or if it is something that needs to be treated at home. I have had many conversations with her over the past 6 months, but thank goodness nothing that I called for was serious enough to warrant a visit to the office. She is really a great asset to his practice. Anyway, he gave us the okay to start #2 foods, which opens the door to much more variety. My little boy enjoys eating and I want to teach him to like a variety of foods, healthy foods. He wasn't feeling well today, I guess from the shots. He was kind of snuggly and just wanted to be held this morning, so I held him as long as I could. I am sure my mother-in-law will spend a good part of her day holding him. I am so glad that I did not have to put him in daycare. My mother-in-law has been such a blessing.

Saving the best for last

I am a very picky eater. I always have been. I do eat a variety of foods, but some things I just don't like and there is no compromising. I don't like mayonaisse, however I will eat it in tuna salad and chicken salad. I don't want it slathered all over my sandwich or on anything else. I don't eat potatoe salad or cole slaw. I also don't eat baked beans. So when I go to a cook out I basically eat the meat and chips. Friday at our little Mother's Day luncheon we had chicken strips, potatoe salad, green beans, and banana pudding. I had a few chicken strips and some banana pudding, thank goodness noone really noticed or else I would have had to explain that I don't eat potatoe salad or green beans. I don't complain when I go to someone else's house to eat. I just choose to eat the things I like, I don't ask for everyone to accomodate me. When I was married the first time my mother-in-law would call me the night before we were to have dinner with them and ask me what I wanted to eat. My current mother-in-law cooks a variety of things when she cooks so I don't have that problem at her house. I also hate tomatoes, which most people just can't understand. I like lettuce, but I don't want it on my hamburger, it makes it soggy!

I also eat things in a strange way. Everyday for lunch I eat a sandwich on toasted bread on my lunch break at work. I normally eat turkey, but occassionally I will eat peanut butter. Anyway I eat a sandwich because I can scarf it down on the 7 minute drive to go see my baby. That way I don't have to spend my time with him trying to feed myself. I always start with the top of the bread and I eat all the way around the edges and then I eat the middle. I also eat my pop tarts and hamburgers that way. I eat my hotdogs by starting at one end and then going to the other end and then eating the middle. My family sometimes makes fun of me for the way I eat, but I don't care. It is just one of those things that makes me unique. Anyway what is wrong with saving the best part of my food for last?

Happy Mother's Day

Okay it is almost here, Mother's Day. I hope you all have at least mailed your mom a card and if you have children I hope they do something wonderful for you. My sweet little angel did something wonderful for me last night, an early Mother's Day gift. He said his first word! Guess what it was??? You give up? It was Mama. HOORAY! We were in the car and he was just sort of babbling and oohing and cooing and I said Mom-ma and he repeated it. Several times, very clearly. I started crying, it was so sweet. I love my little one so much. Until you have a baby you never realize how much you can completely love another soul.

I also got another gift today. My wonderful boss and his wife provided lunch for us and then a 15 minute chair massage. Have you ever had a chair massage? Well I haven't ever had any sort of professional massage and I am here to tell you it was wonderful. You sit in this special massage chair and then get your massage, you leave all of your clothes on for it too. She massaged my back, arms, head, fingers and hands for 15 minutes. It really was great. She is an instructor at one of the local Institutes and she is really good at her job. Anyway once again I will say, I just love my boss and my job!

Have a Happy Mother's Day and a wonderful weekend!

Excuse Me?

Hello America! Is anyone there? I just have one thing to say about last night's American Idol, WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED? How could America send Chris home? He was by far the best person on the show. Now don't get me wrong, I do NOT watch all of these reality shows or even much t.v. at all, but I started watching this one last year and enjoyed it, so I watched it again this year. I think I am done watching. I really don't care who wins now. I think Ryan was happy to tell Chris that he was going home. As a matter of fact I don't care for Ryan either, he is cheesy! Anyway I just had to sound off about this, it is really bugging me. I wonder if people just didn't vote because they thought he was gonna win. Well people, he can't win if you don't vote for him. Let me confess though and say that I did not get to vote Tuesday because I did not get to watch the show, so I did not know what number he was. I think he deserves a re-vote. Hopefully we will hear from him again. I will be waiting for his CD.

Update on the sleep thing: My baby went to sleep at 8:30 last night and I heard him at around 2 this morning, but he wasn't crying and a few minutes later he was quiet and asleep. He slept until nearly 6 am and then he breasfed and went right back to sleep until time for me to leave for work. Could this be the beginning of something wonderful??? I sure hope so.

Spend the night with me

I have been having a lot of bad days lately. Yesterday I even toyed with the idea of calling my doctor and asking to be put back on anti-depressants. That is one of those things that I don't want to do. I really want to be able to handle my life's struggles without the help of a daily dose of feel good medicine. Don't get me wrong, there was a time when I could not face the day without them, but I have gotten over that now and I really don't want to go back. I have been very proud of myself for being off of the pills for my entire pregnancy and the six months following. Let me just stop here before I get all the hate mail and say there is nothing wrong with taking anti-depressants, if you need them. I just don't want to need them. My post is going down the wrong track, so let me get it back on track here. I think the reason for my moodiness, irritability, tiredness and general bitchiness (for lack of a better word) is sleep deprivation. I read all about it during my pregnancy and vowed that would never happen to me. But you know what they say, never say never. I have not had a good night's sleep in more than 8 months. The last 2 months of my pregnancy it was so hard for me to even roll over in bed that I spent half the night trying to get comfy anf the other half getting up to pee. Anyway here is how I spent last night.

8:30pm- baby is asleep

10:30pm- I am asleep

1:00am- baby is awake and crying. I go to him and try to find his pacifier. It is lost in his bed, the next closest one is in the kitchen. I pick up the baby and feed him. After about 15 minutes he is peacefully asleep again. I tiptoe into the kitchen and get a pacifier and go back to his room and lay him down with pacifier in mouth. Before I can go back to bed I have to go to the bathroom.

1:30am- I am asleep again

5:05am- hubby's first alarm goes off

5:15am hubby's second alarm goes off

5:20am hubby's third alarm goes off, thank goodness he gets up this time. By this time I am awake!

5:50am- baby is awake, he is not crying yet, but if no action is taken he will be wide awake soon. I go to him and give him his pacifier and he does drift back off to sleep.

6:05am- my alarm goes off, might as well get up, hubby is blow drying his hair, who can sleep through that?

8 hours of uninterrupted sleep would be a nice Mother's Day gift. When I complain about the baby waking up, I get questions and advice from everyone. I will give you a few of the most common ones: Are you giving him cereal? Yes he eats cereal at supper time as well as almost 2 jars of baby food as well as breastmilk right before he goes to sleep. On to the next one, just let him cry it out. Well that may be an option, but he will cry until he makes himself sick if someone does not at least go into his room and give him a pacifier and let him know he is not alone. Besides just knowing that my child needs comforting and no one is there to comfort him just breaks my heart. Most nights I do try to just give him the pacifier and not feed him, sometimes that works, but other times he spits out the pacifier and starts crying again. I guess if I am going to be up I might as well feed him. Some nights he does sleep until 4 or 4:30 before he wakes up, those are my favorite, most restful nights. I know, like everything else this too shall pass, I just hope I can hang on until then.

The day from, well you guessed it...

This is shaping up to be such a wonderful day. The outfit I had picked put and ironed to wear to work didn't feel right, so I had to rethink my outfit at the last minute. No really at the every last minute, I had already strapped the baby in the carseat and loaded all of out stuff in the car and I ran back inside, found a pair of pants that did not have to be ironed and threw them on as I was running out the door. I got to work in plenty of time, I was proud of myself. Normally I get here right on time, without a minute to spare. I hate to be so rushed, but it seems most mornings that something always happens to make me run a little late.

I went to lunch and breatfed by sweet little angel and got to spend some good quality time with him (best part of the whole day, so far). I took my cell phone in with me in case my hubby called (since he knows it is my lunchtime and all). Anyway it was time to go, so I kissed my little punkin' goodbye and headed out for my 7 minute trek back to the office. Well I had barely gotten out of the neighborhood, when I realized that I forgot my cellphone. Honestly, it wasn't a big deal. It isn't like I am so important that I can't be without it, but I started thinking all the what if's... What if I have a flat tire on the way to work? What if a crazy person runs me off the road this afternoon? What if a deranged stalker is following me and I have no way to call the cops? So I did a u-turn and went back and got my phone. Better safe than sorry. Being better safe also made me 2 minutes late getting back to the office!

Then once I get here, our part-time employee asks me if I stamped (with postage) the statements that he was supposed to get ready to mail yesterday. Can you see where this is heading??? I, with a look of sheer disbelief, turn to him and say what statements? Certainly not the stack of them in our outgoing mail, which by the way the mailman picked up this morning. Yeah that would be the statements complete with checks from April. Not only are they not stamped, they are not sealed! So at that moment, I just wanted to scream and cry, but I have done well to contain my anger. WHY WOULD YOU PUT MAIL THAT ISN'T READY TO BE MAILED IN THE OUTGOING PILE? I have unsuccessfully tried to reach our post office so maybe I can go and pick up this pile of mail and get it sealed and stamped and try to mail it again tomorrow. I have to tell my boss about this screw-up and I am so dreading it. Maybe if I cry, he won't get mad at me. I know I am responsible for the front office, but should I have to go back and check all the outgoing mail for postage? Another thing, this person does this same thing EVERY MONTH when we mail out statements, so why now would he decide to majorly screw it up???

On top of all of that I am still cramping and bleeding heavily. I wonder if that is why I have been a little light-headed at times today? I am praying that tomorrow is a better day. If nothing else, tomorrow is FRIDAY!

Update, I finally got in touch with the post office and our mail carrier is coming back by here on his way home to bring our mail back to us. I will bake him some cookies tonight!!! I am saved from the wrath of the growly bear!

Roly Poly

My little one is a roly poly now. He started rolling over last Sunday all by himself. He has been trying for a few weeks now and he finally mastered it. He has been rolling from front to back for a month or more, but he has not been able to get from back to front. He would get almost over and then get frustrated and give up. So Sunday morning I put him on a blanket in the floor and I got down there with him and he did it, he rolled over. I just clapped and told him how great that was and he just kept doing it. Now you can put him in the floor and he will roll or scoot all the way around the room. He hasn't yet mastered the art of being able to get where he wants to go, but I am sure that will be coming next. I know I say it all the time, but he is so awesome. I just love him so much.

On another note, he still hasn't gotten teeth yet. He has had a few really bad days because of teething, but no white caps yet. I will let you know as soon as he gets them though.

Excuse me while I whine...

I am in much pain today. My period came back yesterday. I have not had a monthly visitor since I got pregnant, like last February. So it started yesterday and it is truly making up for lost time. I am cramping so badly that I just want to double over and cry. I did just that this morning before I decided that I really needed to get dressed for work. I contemplated calling in today, but I knew my boss would be out most of the day today, so I sucked it up and came in. I had ironed a really cute outfit to wear today, but I was feeling yucky so I wore something that looks like I feel. Maybe tomorrow I will feel like wearing the cute outfit, but today I don't feel very cute. Today I feel crampy and bloated and easily irritated. How I wish I was at home in the bed snuggled up with my baby in my nice cozy p.j.'s. OH BOO HOO!!!!!!!!!!

6 random things about me...

I have been tagged by Kelly, so here goes.

1. I wear cotton undies. Not big granny panties, but low-rise briefs. I can't stand undies up my butt so these are comfy for me. I only wear the cutesy silky ones for my hubby and as soon as it is over I put my comfy ones back on.

2. I have not had a happy pill (anti0depressant) since I found out I was pregnant. Sometimes I long for the "don't give a sh*t feeling" that they gave me, but I am trying to deal with things on my own without the help of meds.

3. I am so scared that I am going to screw up my child! Maybe that is a fear that every parent has, but it wakes me up some nights.

4. I do NOT want any more children. I am perfectly happy with the ones that I have, even though I only gave birth to one of them, I feel like the other one is mine too. So I have no desire to be pregnant or go through the whole c-section thing again.

5. I love my job! More than that I love the guy that I work for. Not in a sexual way, but he is a really great guy and he looks out for me. He has been wonderful to me through the years.

6. I am disappointed in myself for never graduating from college. I always changed majors or gave up when it got too difficult. Maybe one day I will go back and get my degree. Hmmm, what do I want to be when I grow up.

Now do you feel like you know me any better???

Sleeping in your bed

My little one is growing up so fast right before my very eyes. Unfortunaltely they don't stay little forever. He has been having some problem sleeping the past month or more and we were convinced that it was the teething. He had gotten to the point that he would sleep for a 6-7 hour stretch at night before waking up to nurse. Well the past few weeks he has gotten back into the habit of waking every 3-4 hours to eat. That just wasn't working for my hubby and I, since we both work. So he had a bad night last Thursday and woke up several times and then woke up at 5 a.m. Friday whining, not wanting to eat and just really discontent. I was crying, he was crying my hubby was fussing about him not sleeping and we made the decision to put him in his own room that night. So, I was off work on Friday and I spent some of the day preparing his bedroom for its new occupant. I put his favorite blanket in his bed and removed all of the toys and stuffed animals. I put the monitor on his little nightstand and made sure it was working properly. After his bath when he was getting sleepy, I took him into his room and turned on his lamp and nursed him, while we rocked he drifted off to sleep. I picked him up and kissed him softly and placed him in his crib. He stirred a little bit and grabbed his blankie and snuggled into it and sighed and he was off to dreamland. I turned off his lamp and closed his door, making sure to leave it open enough so that I could peek in on him. I went back to my bedroom and cried, looking at his empty pack n' play, where he had been sleeping. Hubby was very comforting, for he too missed him being right beside our bed, but we both knew it was time. For our sanity's sake it was time. Hubby and I had a great night, we lay on our bed and talked, something that we have not done since my son was born. It was so nice, I felt like my old self again. It is really hard to describe. We all survived the night. He did not wake up for the first time until 4 am and I fed him and he went right back to sleep. Then I heard him whining at 6 am and I went in and gave him his pacifier and he went back to sleep and slept until 8 am. It was wonderful. He seemed to be more rested when he woke up and so was I. Hopefully he will be sleeping through the night soon, but for now he is sleeping longer and I will take all the sleep that I can get.

Here comes Peter Cottontail...

Yes, yes it is Easter time again. We have been busy giving the Easter bunny ideas for our kids baskets. It is hard to put together an Easter basket for a 5 month old. He doesn't care one bit about Easter to him it will be just another day. Easter baskets are a tradition, so he too will get one this year and every year until he is grown, maybe even after then. My hubby and I decided not to do baskets for each other this year. Honestly I do not have the time or money to put into putting one together for him. I may still get him a few small things, if I have time. I know I say it all the time, but since I have become a full-time mommy and work full-time I barely have time to shave my legs, much less shop for anything other than groceries. Don't get me wrong I LOVE being a mommy and I have a wonderful baby boy, but life is so much more busy now. We have to plan our outings around nap-time and feedings. Anyway, I digress. The reason for this post is to tell everyone to have a Happy Easter. Also remember the real reason for the holiday and give thanks. Don't eat too many peeps and chocolate bunnies. HAPPY EASTER!!!

Happy Birthday

Well it happened. While I peacefully slept on Saturday night, it happened. It snuck in as quiet as a mouse. I turned 30. Really I don't feel any different. I had a great birthday party Friday night. I got lots of good gifts, new clothes and shoes and money to buy some more new clothes. Since I have had the baby I have lost so much weight that hardly none of my pre-pregnancy clothes fit me. I am not complaining, just in dire need of clothes that fit me. Most of the time I end up wearing clothes that are 2 sizes too big. you do what you have to do to get by. I went shopping Saturday and got 2 new outfits, which I just love. I have more money to spend, but the weather was so nasty here that I just wanted to go home. Maybe I can find time to go shopping again this week. I was a little disappointed on my birthday. None of my three sisters called to tell me Happy Birthday. I did get about a 2 minute phone call from my mom at 5:30 in the afternoon and a phone call from a long lost cousin that I haven't seen since my baby shower last fall. She hasn't even seen my precious baby. She doesn't answer the phone when I call and she doesn't return calls, so I finally gave up on her. I don't have time for people who don't have time for me. Anywho that is another rant for another time. Just wanted to let you know that I survived my 30th birthday.

Busy, Busy, Busy......

I am still here. I have just been so busy lately. My office assistant apparently quit about 2 weeks ago. Well I guess you could say she quit. She worked on Monday, she called in sick on Tuesday after the cash drawer was more than $50.00 short, then she called the boss Wednesday to say that she would be here, but she would be late because she had a parent/teacher conference. Well she just never showed up. So the boss said she was no longer employed here. I promptly packed up her things and had them sent to the basement. We still have not heard from her. This girl had worked here for more than 6 months. She was here while I was on maternity leave and she did a great job, until I got back to work. I think she thought because she had a little more responsibility while I was out, that it would continue when I came back, but she could not handle my job. First off she was extremely unprofessional and secondly people just didn't like her as much as they like me. So oh well, I am glad that she is gone, she was totally doing a bad job and she was out all the time for one thing or another. Anywho I spent last week interviewing for a replacement and I found one. She is awesome. She is doing such a great job! I try to make sure to tell her that everyday too. I believe that praise makes you do a better job, and I am all about doing a better job. So things are finally going better at the office. I have been training her this week and hopefully by next week I will have her trained on the most important things.

On the homefront things are great too. My baby is growing by leaps and bounds everyday. He will be 5 months old on Friday. He still isn't rolling over yet, but we practice almost every night. He is such a good baby for the most part, he has his moments though when he just comes unglued. We can't all be good all the time. When he looks at you and smiles and reaches out his little arms to you it makes it all worth while. My hubby has been busy getting ready for my birthday, which is Sunday. We are having a small party with his family on Friday and with my family next Saturday. I still can't believe that I will be 30! I am trying not to stress about it. Age is just a number it is how you feel on the inside that counts.

Welcome to Motherhood

Okay I think I am putting hte story of me on hold for a while. The reason for this pause is that I just don't have time to put that much thought into my posting right now. You know I have a new, well he is 4 1/2 months old, baby, and work and things at home are hectic with hubby working an extra little part-time job to help pay off Christmas and the new baby. Anywho I just don't have time to sit down and think out my posts for the story of me and trust me they need to be thought out. So back to my regular posts for now and periodically maybe I will do another chapter in The Story of Me series. How about that?

I am really tired today. My sweet little angel had his 4 month old check-up complete with 4 shots on Friday. He weighs 16 lbs and 10 ozs and he is 27 inches long! Yes he is a big boy. He cried for a minute after his shots until I picked him up, then he was okay. He is such a trooper, I hope he stays like that. The shots have made him cranky this weekend. A cranky baby is no fun! He had some good moments, but for the most part he was cranky. Last night he decided that he did not want to sleep, well I am pretty sure that he did not decide it, but something was preventing him from getting his normal sleep. He was asleep by 9:30 and awake at 11:30 and I nursed him and he went back to sleep, so did I. He woke up again at 1:30, I tried to nurse him, that usually puts him right back to sleep. He finally went back to sleep by about 2. Then guess what? He woke up again at 4 am. By this time I am so ill, I just want to cry too. Nothing really comforted him, none of the usual things. He just was not going back to sleep. So we stayed up, despite my pleading with him to please go back to sleep for Mommy just until 6 am, then we could both get up and play while I got ready for work. Pleading with a 4 month old is a lost cause! So, I put him in his exersaucer thing in front of cartoons while I did some things in the kitchen. I might as well take advantage of the extra hour that I had this morning before I had to be at work. Anyway I am tired and ill today, but when I went to see my sweet little angel at lunch he was feeling much better after his 4 HOUR power nap! I wish I could take a 4 HOUR power nap, but the phone will n ot stop ringing for me to take a 4 minute nap, so oh well. I was telling one of my co-workers, who has 2 of her own about it and she looks at me and smiles and says, "Welcome to motherhood."

The Story of Me- Part 2

Okay it is time for part 2 of the story of me. It is very hard to know what to write about. I won't bore you with details of starting kindergarten, which I really don't remember anyway, or of my first few years at school. I will fast forward from newborn to the next major event in my life, the death of my dad. I have written about it before and it is a painful thing for me, but it is part of my life, so here goes. I don't remember when he was diagnosed, I am sure that I wasn't told. After all how do you tell an 8 year old that her dad is dying of cancer. I guess the easy thing to do is just not talk about it, and that was how my mom decided to handle this with me anyway. I am sure that my older sisters knew. M was 16 and T was 19, I don't know if D knew right away or not she was only 10, she turned 11 the month before he died. My memories of my dad are so fleeting, I look back at pictures trying to remember, but even that isn't working anymore. I have a few memories that I will cherish forever. He was the one who nicknamed me Sam-bo. That nickname stuck and my sisters and neices still call me that.

He had a lot of good days and he was at home for most of his illness. He had a few stays in the hospital, which we went to go see him faithfully. He called us every night to tell us goodnight. I remember one Easter we got all dressed up, went to church and then to the hospital so dad could see us in our Easter dresses. I also remember the last time I saw him alive. It was on a Saturday and he was in the hospital. They had called the family in, at the time I did not know that, but I realize now that was why everyone was there. Anyway my mom had taken us to see dad and my granny came and picked up D and I to spend the night with her so my mom could stay with my dad. He looked awful. He was in and out of it, his skin looked yellow. It was scary as a child to see your parent like that. We did not stay long. My granny took us to her apartment and we spent the night and the phone rang the next morning and before my granny answered it I told her that dad had died. Sure enough it was my mom calling to tell my granny. I don't even remember crying, although I am sure that I did. The next few days are all a blur. There were so many people at our house and we had to go to the viewing at the funeral home. I don't remember ever going to a funeral home before that it was weird, everyone talking in hushed tones, asking you how you are. Your deceased father laying stiff in a coffin. Things an 8 year old should not have to deal with, things I still don't hink I have really dealt with. I just keep it pushed far back in my mind and every now and then I will let it get to me.

The funeral was even more surreal and then there was the graveside service (burial). I remember standing there and the school bus going by and I wished I was on it. It was wierd to go back to school. We had missed a few days and everyone just kind of looked at you like something was wrong when we went back. People treated me different, for a little while anyway. Children don't know how to deal with death. Things at home were different too. My dad was gone, sudddenly mom was a single parent, raising us by herself. So she moved my granny in next door to help her out. Shortly after my granny moved in I moved in with her. I had it made at my granny's. I had her undivided attention and I had my own room and my own phone and my own TV, what else could an 8 year old want. It was a good thing that I moved in with granny, after my dad's death my mom decided that she wanted to relive her teenage days. You see she was married at 16 and a mommy by 17, so she did not get to live out her wild teenege days. Anyway I was very glad to have my grandmother to help raise me, she sheltered me from a lot.

The Story of Me-Part 1

On April 9, 1976 a woman heads to the hospital to have her baby, already past her due date she is ready to give birth. After an induction and the doctor breaking her water and many grueling hours of labor a sweet baby girl makes her appearance. The proud mom and dad decide to name her Samantha Carol. Samantha was a name the dad liked, it was the name of a little girl on a detergent commercial. Carol was mom's sister's middle name. And so it was decided, her name will be Samantha Carol and they will call her Sam. Little Sam weighed 8 lbs 5 ozs and was 20.5 inches long, she wasn't so little after all! She had blue eyes and a little smattering of brown hair. She will be the last child for these parents. Daughter number 4, she was the last great hope for a boy in the family. Oh well, no boy, hope they aren't too disappointed! She was also the biggest of all the children, yes the mom has often made the comment when telling the story that if little Sam had been born first, she would have been an only child. After a few days in the hospital she was released to go home to the little farm house on the outskirts of town. Her sisters were excited to have a new baby. Well not really excited, but she was accepted, because after all she was there to stay! And stay she did, she lived in that little farm house for 27 years. There I go getting ahead of myself, that part will come later.

There is the story of my birth. I find it easier to write in third person, hope that doesn't confuse anyone!

The big one is coming...

In one month (well one month and one day) I will be thirty. Yes the big 3 0! I remember when that seemed so OLD! Now that is me, I will officially go from the twentysomethings to the thirtysomethings. I don't really think I am having a hard time with it, not yet anyway. That could all change though. Anyway I thought for the month leading up to my birthday I would recount my life and look back on the milestones that have made me who I am today. When I was younger I would sit and ponder why things happened to me, then I realized that all the things that have happened in my life brought me to where I am today and shaped me into the person that I am. If anything would have been different the course of my life could have been forever changed. If you haven't seen the movie Sliding Doors with Gwyneth Paltrow, rent it this weekend. It is an older movie, but it shows how different one minute can make things. Get prepared to walk down memory lane with me for the next month, hopefully it will be fun and enlightening.

I am so sleepy today. My little one had a rough night, which means that I had a rough night. Isn't that the perfect way to round out a rough day? I think the teething devils are wreaking havoc in his little gums. My normally sweet (angelic if you will) baby has been so fussy this weekend. He did not want to sit in his little vibrating rocking chair or anywhere else most of the day. He wanted to be held, not just held, he wanted to be held and walked or danced around. He has so much drool, it looks like a water fountain. I have to keep a bib on him, if not he soaks the front of his outfit. I had some things that I really needed to get done, like lunch, so I packed him in the front facing carrier and strapped him to my body while I prepared lunch yesterday. He never uttered a sound, he carefully watched me put together all the ingredients for chicken tetrazinni and then he went to sleep. I knew he was tired, but he would not give up the fight. So I carefuly took him out of the carrier and lay him peacefully in his bed. He didn't even wake up a little bit. So I went back to the kitchen to finish my cooking and clean up the mess I had made. The silence did not last long, he might have slept about 30-45 minutes of his 2 hour nap. You know what that means, yeah it means that soon the ill baby of earlier will be back. He stayed awake for a little while, but I caved and put him in his swing. Surely that will knock him out, and it did. He took the rest of his much needed nap and awoke a happy baby once more. I used the Oraj*l this weekend as well as Teething tablets that the doctor recommended. They seemed to help a bit, but he was still cranky. He doesn't seem to care for the cold teether things, not yet anyway. He changes everyday, so he might like them today. Anywho he was ready for bed before 8 last night, so I nursed him and tucked him in. He went right to sleep, no crying! Well he woke up at 11:30 and then again at 3 and then again at 5 and then again at 7, the last one was okay because it was time to eat before I have to go to work. Needless to say this morning I am sleepy. I need at least a 4 hour stretch to feel rested and I missed it last night. A nice big cup of coffee would be wonderful, but I can't have any caffeine, so I will just use toothpicks to keep my eyes open. Keep your fingers crossed that tonight will be better. I am taking him to have his pictures taken tomorrow, so I hope he sleeps well tonight so he will look rested in his pictures.

Routines and the sweet things

I think I am finally getting in to a routine, if you will, for work and home. There has to be some balance somewhere, but I can tell you it is very hard to find. I feel like I am neglecting household chores because I am gone all day to work. Well when I get off work I have to run over to my mother-in-laws and pick up my little sweet angel. Most of the time I stay a few minutes, I have to find out how he was for the afternoon. Sometimes he wants to eat when I get there and on those days I am there an extra 30 minutes or so (he is a slow eater!). By the time I get home it is usually close to 7 pm. Thank goodness I have a wonderful hubby who already has dinner started, especially on the nights that we have his daughter (we have to take her home by 8:30). Anywho by the time I get home and get supper on the table and everyone fed, including the baby (he eats cereal now at the table with the rest of the family), it is close to 8 pm. I still have to bathe the baby and get him ready for bed, get his bag packed for the next day, clean the kitchen, nurse him, and try to get him to sleep. I usually try to have him in bed and asleep by 9. He is so tired by then, most of the time he is asleep by 8:30. Well after he goes to bed, I still have so much to do but I am so tired that I only get maybe a load of laundry done or get the dishwasher loaded before I am off to bed myself. I need a few more hours in the day so I can enjoy my family and get done all the things that need to be done. I don't see it getting any easier either. Soon the little one will be crawling and then I won't be able to take my eyes off of him for fear that he is playing in the toilet or sticking things in the electrical outlets, let's face it you can only babyproof so much!

Now on to something much sweeter. I want to talk about my little one for a minute or two. He is so amazing! I cannot believe how fast he is growing and developing. It seems everyday he has learned something new. He is just like a little sponge and I am trying to fill him with knowledge and happy things. He smiles all the time. When he gets really tired he will "sing", of course not really singing heck he can't even talk yet, but sort of making really long sounds that could be singing. I think it is singing because if I am trying to get him to sleep I usually sing or hum a song to him. It is truly the cutest thing. I just love him so much. I especially love when it is bedtime and he lets me snuggle him close as he drifts off to sleep. After he is asleep I just lay there in the glow of the nightlight caressing his face and hands and kissing him ever so gently. I always say a prayer and thank God for sending him to me and ask that he please watch over him and keep him safe. I am trying to keep a journal for him. I started it while I was pregnant, but I haven't written in it since he was born. So I started back to writing last night, because I do not want to forget a single moment with him and the moments are passing by way too fast. I skipped a lot of pages I just hope I can remember enough about his first 4 months to fill them up.

Heartaches

My heart is aching. I have a few blogs that I read regularly and most of them I have been reading since the beginning of my blogging days, a year and a half ago. I feel close to you all and you know who you are. Anyway the Narcissist's Secret is going through something no parent should ever have to experience; the death of a child. If you get a chance go by and offer some words of encouragement. I know nothing can make it better, except time. I just feel so bad for her and her family. I don't know what I would do if it were me and I pray that I never have to find out. Amazing how your heart can hurt for someone that you have never physically met!

My boss is awesome!

I have had a great week at work. I have been in dire NEED of a new computer at the office and my boss finally came through for me. My new computer is so cool. It does everything but make lunch for me. I am sure that I could probably teach it how to do that too. I can burn CDs at work now and I can actually do my work without my computer shutting down all day long. I can listen to music without commercials! I feel like I am in the 21st century now!

I also got business cards. I have been here 5 1/2 years and have never had business cards, so we ordered them a week or so ago and they finally came in. I feel so important.

This week has been like Christmas here! I wish they all could be. Now the only thing I need is a reliable office assistant, preferably one with a personality, a great sense of humor and drug-free! You know anyone who needs a job?

Happy Valentine's Day

HAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY! I have never really looked forward to Valentine's Day the way some women do. I don't get flowers or balloons delivered to my office, I think it is a waste of time. They cost twice as much today as they normally do. I am a very practical person, I would rather have a live plant than cut flowers. When I got ready to leave this morning for work my gift was sitting on the kitchen counter. I felt bad because I was really running behind this morning so I took it with me to open on the way to work. I opened my card and of course it was really sweet and I cried. Then I opened my gift bag. It was a new CD that I wanted and The Lady & Sons cookbook. For those of you scratching your heads, it is Paula Deen's restaurant in Savannah. I just adore Paula Deen, she is so funny on her show on the Food Channel. I can't wait to cook something out of there. That was such a great gift for me, because I had not asked for either one. My sweet hubby just knows what I like and he got it for me. I am such a lucky woman and I thank God everyday for my hubby. He is not always perfect, but hey neither am I.

Amber Alert Cancelled

The baby has been found just a few blocks from the hospital. He was found around 5 pm yesterday and reunited with his parents at the hospital from which he was abducted. The abducter is a 16 year old girl, who from the pictures that I have seen looks much older. I hope she is severley punished for her crime!

Amber Alert

The unthinkable has happened. Someone has stolen a baby from the hospital where my baby was born! I just want to cry for that poor baby being separated from his mom and for that mom being separated from her 4 day old baby. He is a preemie only weighing 4 lbs and 6 ozs. The high security in the maternity ward is one of the selling points of this hospital as opposed to the other one in town. Well when no one takes the alarm seriously then how can it help anyone. The lastest report says that the alarm went off once when she left the maternity ward and once when she left the hospital. My question, when the alarm went off the first time, why did no one stop her? Why was she able to get from the maternity ward, out of the hospital and into a car that was waiting for her without anyone stopping her? It is quite a ways from the maternity ward to the outside of the hospital, it is not like she could just go through one door and be out of the hospital. What kind of person can just steal someone else's baby? I hope the slack people that were working at the hospital are fired for this. This just makes me sick to my stomach, I just want to rush over to my mother-in-laws and kiss my baby and hold him tight and as soon as I leave work that is what I will do. I will keep you updated on this story.

Dressing appropriately

Do you dress for the season or for the weather? Have you ever really thought about it? I live in Georgia and we only have 2 basic seasons, summer and not summer. In the summer months and long after it is hot and humid and for the most part miserable. You just can't get cool. In the not summer seasons, such as the months of November, December, January, and February, which is considered our cold months, some people refer to them as fall and winter. To me winter is cold. But then again when you are used to having 95 degree days, a high of 60 may be considered cold. Anyway I am rambling, let me get to my point. I think just because it is 75 degrees outside in January it is still not acceptable to wear sandles and shorts or capri pants out in public yet. There is plenty of time for that, like the other 8 months of the year. I think you should dress for the season, there are cooler lighter clothes that are still wintery for those 75 degree days. Just because we are having a warm winter does not mean that it is time for the summer clothes to come out, summer will be here soon enough and all the Georgians will be fussing and complaining about the heat. What do you think, should you dress for the weather or the season?

This is turning into the day from hell...

This morning started off wonderful. I got up in plenty of time to get myself and my baby ready and get him dropped off at my mother-in-laws house and get to work. We got in the car at 7:25. We were driving along and about 5 minutes from where I normally get on the interstate traffic was stopped. All 3 lanes were stopped. So I sat there, and sat there, after 10 minutes I knew I would be late for work, so I called my boss to inform him. I needed to call the cable company because apparently last month I did not pay the bill, well no I didn't pay the bill because I never got the bill. I am sure that everyone that pays their bill late says the same thing. So I called them and took care of my business with them, thankfully I can call them tomorrow and pay the balance and not have our service interrrupted. Anyway, 25 minutes later traffic was finally moving. WHOO HOO! Thank goodness my hungry baby was sleeping in his carseat through the whole ordeal. I finally get to the interstate and everything is moving smoothly until I go around a really big curve, and guess what? If you guessed that traffic was stopped you guessed correctly. I sat there in creeping crawling traffic for another 10 minutes or so to go the 1 mile to my exit. In the meantime my sweet baby woke up and was eating his carseat straps and his fist because he was hungry. So I finally got to my mother-in-laws got the baby fed and got my ass to work, 45 minutes late!

Then once I get here, my office assistant informs me to stay away from her she has been throwing up all night. GEE THANKS! Thanks for bringing your throw-up germs to an enclosed office space so I can breathe them and hopefully not get sick! Why don't people realize that sick days are just that, when you have things that other people don't want stay your ass at home. I especially don't want it because I have a 2 month old that I would prefer to not be sick if we can at all avoid it. Anyway she is coughing and hacking and she keeps coming in my office to ask me stuff, but I can't really let her go home yet, until after I get back from feeding my baby at lunch. How do you politely tell someone to stay the f*ck away from you and out of your office because you don't want their germs? Oh yeah and while your at it, go wash your hands and spray your work area with germ killing spray. WHAT A FREAKING NIGHMARE THIS DAY IS TURNING INTO! I hope your day is going better.

Counting the days...

Don't count the days, make the days count. Such a true statement. On my commute to work every morning I pass this company that has a sign and every week or so they put a different saying on it. Most of the time it is an inspirational message, something to make you think. That statement is what is on their sign now. I saw it for the first time last week and I thought how true it should be. Instead of counting the days to the next event in our lives we should be doing something everyday to make that day count. If you continually live your life bumbling from one event to the next and not enjoying the time in between you are wasting your life. I try to do something everyday to make a difference to someone or something. I challenge you to make everyday count.

The love of my life and losing big!

TGIF! I didn't think it was ever gonna get here. Well as you all know I have a new baby, well he is 2 months old, but still new to me. He is my first, and I tell you he was well worth all the aches and pains of pregnancy and the c-section that brought him into this world. Motherhood is awesome! It is like nothing I could have ever imagined. I never get tired of looking at my child, this little life that I, along with some help from my hubby created. He is truly a gift from God. I rush on my lunch break to get to my baby and when I get home I just want to hold him tight and give him a million kisses. He is truly the love of my life. Talk about love at first sight, when you see your child for the first time and hear that first cry there is no better feeling. Everyone tries to tell you about it, but until you experience it for yourself you never quite understand. My son is the best gift that I have ever been given. Anyway enough mushy stuff. I will try not to write about my son all the time, but from time to time I will write about him.

On to other things, like getting my prepregnancy body back. I remember looking at myself naked in the mirror all the time while I was pregnant and I remember thinking that there was no way I would ever be able to lose all this weight and I would never get my body back. Don't get me wrong, my body was nothing to marvel at before I got pregnant, but it wasn't too bad. Well after 24 lbs of pregnancy weight gain and more stretch marks than I care to count, it is coming back. The funny thing is that I am 13 lbs lighter than I was before I got pregnant and I feel skinny. I have lost weight everywhere, except my boobs! By the time my child was 2 weeks old I was wearing my old jeans. Now my old jeans are loose on me. I will need new clothes soon, as all of my old ones are gradually becoming too big. It is amazing to me, I know people who had children years ago and still have extra baby weight. Maybe it is because I am so happy. Maybe it is because I have other things to occupy my time other than eating. Maybe it really is the breastfeeding. Who knows, all I know is I hope I can keep up the weight loss and not gain one pound of it back.

I'm back...

Hello everyone! I am back in the world. I had my little bundle of joy on November 7. He weighed 8lbs 9ozs and was 21 inches long. He is beautiful. Motherhood is wonderful. I really enjoyed my stay at home time, but as we all know, all good things must come to an end. I am now back at work, part time this week and full time next week. My mother-in-law is keeping the baby for us and she lives just a few minutes from my work. So I can go over there on my lunch break and nurse him and still have time to eat something. I hope everyone had a great Thanksgiving and Christmas. I did, I just have so much to be thankful for this year. I will write more later, I just wanted to say hello.

2 weeks and counting...

It is official. I am due in 2 weeks. I hope the baby comes by then. I went to my weekly doctors appointment on Wednesday and my cervix is thinned about 50% but no dialation yet. The baby has dropped, which means I am in severe pain in my pubic area. I just thought I was uncomfortable before. It hurts to walk and stand up, but it will all be over soon and I will have my sweet baby in my arms. I asked my doctor about how much longer he thought and he said probably 2 weeks. Hubby and I are having sex as much as possible to try and hurry along the process. Sex at this point is not the most comfortable thing that I have ever done, but it is supposed to help start labor, when of course your body is ready.

Painting in the nursery has begun. The walls have been primed and are awaiting their coats of paint, which should happen this weekend. Mine and baby's bags are packed for the hospital. I have lists of people for my hubby to call when we go to the hospital. Now we just wait.

I know some of this might have been TMI for some of you, but I just wanted to update everyone on what was going on.

Memory Lane

I have been strolling down memory lane lately. Hubby and I have been unpacking boxes and sorting out the trash and things that we can live without and repacking the things that we really want to keep from our past. I have several boxes of stuff from my school days, some of it as early as elementary school. I still have letters from friends and boy friends and every card I have ever received. I still have the things that I won at the fair as a child as well as stuffed animals that were given to me. I have receipts for my prom dresses and receipts for my class ring, which was stolen along with the rest of my jewelry last year. I have movie tickets for every movie I have ever seen. I think you get the idea, I am a saver, a pack-rat if you will. I keep anything that may be sentimental. That was all fine and dandy except I don't have room for all of those momentos now, it is time to clean the clutter and eliminate some things from the past. I don't need every card or letter that anyone has ever written me. I started on Tuesday night sorting throught the memories, funny how our mind forgets things that at the time they happened were so important. I read letters that I hadn't touched in 15 or more years. Remember signing your letters LYLAS? I had plenty of those stashed among my things. I wonder where those people are today, you know the ones you went to school with and you vowed to never lose touch. It was hard remembering some of things, like my ex's. It brought back memories of the pain and heartache that I have endured (and caused) over the years. But that is all behind me now, I am a person than I was back then, some of those experiences and people helped make me into the person I am today. I wonder if most of those people would know me if they saw me now. Would I know them? A few of them I still keep in touch with, but for the most part they have faded from the picture of my life, as I have from theirs. I wonder if they kept the letters and cards that I sent to them? Anyway, I have condensed my three boxes of memories to one box that will be packed away in our attic until who knows when.

Today is also my unanniversary. I got married for the first time 10 years ago today. Funny how time flies. I am so thankful that I am not still married to him, nor do I have any idea where he is or what he is doing. I wonder if I crossed his mind today? Hopefully he is somewhere sitting, crying and feeling pitiful for all the shit that he put me through in our marriage, no really I wish him nothing but the best. This day makes me thankful and happy that I divorced him and married my wonderful hubby and am pregnant with his child.

All this strolling on memory lane makes me want to crank up Nickelback's Photograph and sing to the top of my lungs. TTFN and LYLAS and oh yeah we will always be BFF.

Lions and tigers and bears oh my!

Yes I am talking about the baby's nursery. It is still unfinished. The room has to be cleared of all the boxes of holiday decorations, which need to be in the attic, a coat of primer and paint still need to applied to the walls and the new celing fan needs to be installed. Who would like to volunteer to come and help get these things done? My hubby seems to be depressed lately, which I completely understand, it seems we are having some financial problems and he is feeling really burdened, especially with a new baby coming soon. Anyway his worrying and depression has taken away his desire to get the nursery done. Anytime I go in there and start working, he fusses, I don't need to be doing that. No, maybe I don't but someone needs to be doing it. Maybe this weekend he will feel inspired to go in there and work. Maybe I should pretend that I am going to call my family and see if they will come over and help. Surely that will get him off his ass and get him to work.

I have been washing baby's new clothes and blankets and sheets, trying to get his stuff ready for his arrival. I still have to pack our bags for our hospital stay. There is so much to do and not enough hours in the day to get it all done. I am going to have to get to work on the things that I need to get done, I have less than a month left before my due date of November 11.

I had another ultrasound on Monday to see how big he is. Well he is big, he weighs nearly 7 lbs. I go back to the doctor on Tuesday of next week and we will find out the doctors opinion of the baby's size and whether they want to induce early or wait and see what happens. I am getting anxious and ready to meet my baby.

Happy Blogaversary to me!

I have been blogging for over a year now. I missed the actual anniversary day, but that isn't important. I have actually started something and kept it up (although slackly at times) for a year. I have also managed to keep it a secret from anyone who really knows me, except my best friend. She helped me get this thing started. Hopefully soon I will have more time to post about the exciting things going on in my life. For now celebrate my one year anniversary!

All Apologies

Sorry I have been a slack blogger lately. I have been so busy with work and home and trying to get everything organized for the upcoming birth of my child. I still have so much to do and less than 8 weeks until my due date. You know there is always the chance that he could come early, so I would like to have the nursery finished by the first of October, you know just in case. I am now visiting my doctor every 2 weeks and I have another ultrasound scheduled for October 10. They want to see how big the baby is then. I have gestational diabetes, so there is a chance that I could have a whopper of a baby and they might induce me early if that is the case. I have it under control, but there is always that chance. Everytime someone asks when I am due and I tell them, they shake their head and say, I don't think you will make it that long. Thanks for the vote of confidence people! I have to admit that I am all baby, it looks like I am carrying a basketball under my shirt!

I promise to write more later, when things calm down here at work!

Working troubles

The past 2 days have been terrible. My boss is out of town and of course things tend to go wrong when the boss is away. Our internet was down yesterday for 45 minutes, during which no one in our office could work. During that time I was on the phone with technical support for our fabulous ISP. Is it a requirement that the technical support people be complete dickheads? It seems everytime that I have to call technical support for anything, the person is a complete jerk. Is your computer turned on? As a matter of fact it is, you moron! They assume that we are all idiots. While I tend to agree that there are lots of idiots out there, for the most part I am not one. So after 45 minutes on the phone with technical support jack*ss unplugging and replugging and disabling and enabling things on our system, I was ready to be taken out back and shot. Not to mention that while I was on the phone I hear my co-workers going crazy like little children at a birthday party. WHAT IS THE MATTER WITH PEOPLE? I was already pissed that the system was down and they could not work, but hey people let's not rub it in. I am sure the boss will be thrilled to learn of the 45 minute break in the afternoon.

So I got to work this morning and my fabulous office assistant was not here. She had 2 minutes to get here before she was officially late. She called about 35 minutes later to say that she was on her way. Yeah that is what I want to hear on Friday. No excuses for being late, just that she is on her way. Let me give you a little history on her. She is a young college student, extremely irresponsible, and ungrateful. Her parents have always been there to get her out of anything that she gets into. She has been here since the end of May. She has been late more times than I care to count. She occassionally goes to lunch in the breakroom and falls asleep, for more than her hour break. I am sick and tired of her and she has really started to get on my nerves and I am really a very tolerant person. So yesterday she took an hour and 15 minutes for lunch because she fell asleep. Then this morning she was 45 minutes late. When she got here she immediately got on the phone, personal calls of course. I forgot to mention she looks like something the cat drug in and smells like she had her last drink about 10 minutes ago. Well after she had been here about 30 minutes or so she disappears into the restroom. An hour and 10 minutes later a co-worker goes to check on her. At this point I don't care if she is okay or not. So when she finally emerges from the restroom with the telltale signs of an hour nap on her face, I told her to go home and call the boss on Monday. If he does not fire her it will be a miracle. As far as I am concerned she is already gone. I just don't want to work with someone who doesn't give a damn about their job. You know anyone that needs an office job, I am hiring again!

Seeing double

I am glad that I am not a twin, especially not an identical twin. Can you imagine always having to share everything from the womb to toys to every birthday. All through your life being mistaken for the other. I think in some cases that would actually work in your favor, but it would have to get old after a while. I work with two ladies who have an identical twin. It is freaky to go somewhere and have to look twice to see which sister it is, the one you work with or her twin. No matter where one of them goes she is always stopped by people and asked which twin she is. They look, talk and act eerily alike. I don't even look like any of my sisters. Sure there are some people who can look at pictures of them and then look at me and find some similarities, but I think they are just grasping at straws. I don't think I will ever be mistaken for one of my sisters or anyone else for that matter.

10 positive things

I feel like I need to post something today, but I have so much going on in my head it is hard to get one clear thought to post about. SO I will post about some good things that are happening in my life right now. I will focus on the positive and not the negative.

1. I can see my ankles, for now the sweling is gone.
2. The weather has been cooler here this week! Hooray!
3. My car is fixed, no more watching the temperature gauge trying not to run it hot.
4. We are a month ahead on our mortgage payments and at least one other monthly bill.
5. We finally picked out the nursey theme. It is called "Froggy Tales", by Lambs and Ivy.
6. The baby moves all the time and I get so distracted just daydreaming about him.
7. Everyday my tummy is getting bigger. It looks like I have a basketball under my shirt!
8. I am eating healthier than I ever have in my life (not that I don't still indulge, it's just alot healthier now).
9. We have registered for baby stuff. It was so much fun! I just want to register everywhere.
10. It is Tuesday, 2 days down this week, 3 to go!

My hubby

Have you ever loved someone so much that it hurt? Not physically, but it made your heart sick to be away from that person. After 6 years together you still get butterflies in your tummy when you see them. You still get excited to get to spend time with them? I have and I feel very fortunate to have experienced it and it scares me to death sometime when I am faced with the inevitable, the loss of that person. I have talked briefly about my hubby here before, but nothing in depth.

As I was ironing clothes last night for work and he was in the bathroom grooming himself in the mirror I had a horrifying thought. Horrifying thoughts seem to plague me more now that I am pregnant and extremely hormonal. Yesterday was especially bad for those thoughts. Anyway as I was ironing and talking to my husband a grim reality hit me, something that I try not to think about too often, but yet it creeeps in my mind still. My husband is a diabetic and has been since he was 11. He has battled with a malfunctioning pancreas most of his life. He will be 36 years old soon, which means that he has battled this dragon for 25 years. Diabetes is such a horrible disease that is completely controllable, but not curable. It is a silent dragon, it lays in wait, just waiting for the perfect time to strike. Of course you monitor your blood sugar and take the necessary amount of insulin to keep your body functioning, but it is busy doing it's damage undetected.

I wonder if my husband will be the one to lose his eye sight or a leg or his kidneys. Or worse yet, have a stroke or heart attack and never recover. I wonder if I will be a young widow of if we will have many more years together. I wonder if he will be here long enough to see his children graduate from high school and give his daughter away at her wedding. I try not to think about these things too often, I try to just enjoy our time together, but these things have plagued my thoughts lately. I do not discuss these things with my husband because as soon as he brings it up I turn into a bawling mess. He always says that he has been lucky so far and he is waiting for the other shoe to drop. The other shoe being a complication caused from this disease. I know it has to be a constant in his thoughts, yet he hardly ever speaks of it. When he does I just reassure him that I love him and I married him in sickness and in health and if the sickness comes I will be right by his side to get him through it.

Christmas in July

Okay is really July 25? That is the date on all my calenders and the weather here certainly feels like the end of July. Yet when I get to work this morning and turn on my radio they are playing holiday music, CHRISTMAS HOLIDAY music! I listen to the light rock station at work because they play "safe" music for the office, but c'mon people Christmas music in July, WTF? Get with the program people.

What I did on my summer vacation

As promised, what I did on my summer vacation. First of all let me give you the specifics. My family including me, hubby, child, mother-in-law and sister-in-law renting a condo near the beach, not quite in walking distance this year, for a week. Well it was in walking distance if you like to walk very far carrying beach chairs and a cooler in the blistering hot sun, but that is beside the point. Last year we were much closer to the beach, but we did not go the week of July 4th and we did not wait until the last minute to book it. It is a great little stretch of beach along 30-A in beautiful south Walton County, Florida.

We had planned to leave at 10 on Saturday morning. That would have put us in our condo about 4 that afternoon depending on how much the pregnant lady (me) had to stop and pee. 10 o'clock came and went and in-laws were no where to be found. Finally at 10:30 they call, only 10 minutes away, yippee!!! That only puts us nearly an hour behind. Well they get there, we get ready to go, house is all locked up, cars all packed. Away we go! Well after we stop for in-laws to get gas and ice oh yeah and Dunkin' Donuts, can't leave for vacation without that. Needless to say hubby was pissed and pouting, which makes for a great fun car ride. We drive for hours and of course hubby and I are getting hungry because we didn't want anything at DD, believe it or not we had eaten breakfast while we were waiting on them to get to the house.

We go through Columbus, sister-in-law calls to see if we want to stop. We tell her yes that we are hungry, lunch would be nice. So they just keep driving. An hour later, we call them back and tell them that we have to stop somewhere because I have to go potty. So they stop at this dirty little gas station and I go potty and get some chips because I am STARVING, I know I might have mentioned that earlier but just stay with me. Finally about 30 minutes after the gas station we get to another town and stop there to eat at McD's. Apparently everyone else going to the beach stopped there also. I have never been to a busier McD's in my life, the food wasn't good, but I was so hungry I barely noticed. All aboard, next stop condo near the beach!

As we got closer, the traffic got worse. We were eventually sitting in barely moving traffic only about 20 minutes from our destination, but it took us more than an our to get there. Hubby was beginning to get ill and I was restless. I hate riding in the car for a long time, it just makes me crazy! Finally we get there, the condo is great. You park underneath, then have stairs to walk to the main level, then stairs to the bedroom. Stairs are not a good thing for a pregnant woman, an older woman with bad knees and a severely energetic 8 year old child. Not to mention we packed like we were moving and hubby had to carry all that stuff up 2 flights of stairs.

Yeah that was only the beginning. The rest of the week really wasn't any better. I will give you a quick rundown. Sunday, our first full day of vacation. We slept late then went down to the beach and I sat in my chair at the edge of the water reading my book, peace at last. Peace that is until later that day when my poor feet began to hurt and swell because of the severe sunburn. I think I had like third degree burns on my feet. It has been 2 weeks and they are still red and itchy! The agony of hurting feet was just horrible. I cried nearly everyday (mostly when I was by myself or with hubby) and I really don't think anyone understood how bad my feet were hurting, especially my hubby. It hurt to put on shoes, it hurt to walk, it hurt to sit still. I sat in the condo with them propped up most of the week. By Tuesday afternoon I was ready to come home. I wanted to go to my doctor and have them make the pain go away. It made the entire rest of the trip awful. I also realized on this trip that I need to be on medication to keep myself sane and to help the others around me survive on a daily basis. That will be one of the first things I do after I birth this baby and wean him from nursing.

Tuesday I went out to the beach for a little while, feet still hurting of course. We had a tent that I sat under so it wasn't as bad. Wednesday tropical storm Cindy came through that morning. It blew the patio chairs up against the windows and rained like crazy. The sky was angry, but by lunchtime it was gone. The ocean was extremely rough so we did not even go to the beach that day. The storm also blew our tent down and broke it, so there went my shade for the rest of the week. I spent the afternoon shopping with the in-laws while hubby took the child to play mini golf and ride go carts and play arcade games. I did enjoy that afternoon. I got some new clothes and shoes. That always makes me feel better, new stuff for me!!! By that night the swelling was going down in my feet and they were not hurting quite as bad.

Thursday we took a little cruise over to an island that is undeveloped. It was beautiful! White sand, shells, birds, dunes, just the way a beach should be. It was surrounded on one side by the gulf and the other side by this lagoon. We picked up lots of shells and had a picnic lunch. We also saw a seahorse that had washed up on the beach. A real like seahorse. He was still moving so after we snapped a few pictures of him hubby scooped him up on a seashell and tossed him back into the sea. On the cruise over and back we saw dolphins!

Friday we got up and watched the weather channel, everyone was keeping an eye on Hurrican Dennis. The in-laws were already at the beach so we got dressed and decided that we would go for a bit, since it was our last full day. We got there and they had changed the flags to red, meaning no swimming. A fireman met us on the beach access bridge to ask us to please leave the beach and the area. A voluntary evacuation had been issued for the area. The hurricane was expected to hit the area on Sunday morning. WHOOPEE! So we proceeded to walk down to the beach and get the in-laws and all of our beach stuff and head back to the condo to pack up and prepare to leave. We went to get gas before going back to the condo, we waited in line 20 minutes at the gas station to get gas and of course they were out of regular unleaded we had to get the expensive stuff. I am just glad that we got gas then. We had planned to eat in Panama City that night, which was about an hour from where we stayed. So we kept with our original plan and headed to PC to eat before we go on the road back home. We were extremely lucky that we did go to PC to eat, which put us on a different highway leading home. A less crowded highway. By the time we got on the road, most of the gas stations were out of gas.

After 2 stops to potty and plenty of nodding off at the wheel we got home, it was 3:30 in the morning on Saturday morning. I have never been so happy to be home. After a few hours of sleep I was up and unpacking. We are still not completely unpacked, maybe I can finish that grueling task this weekend. Around lunchtime on Saturday my bestest friend brought my dog home. I missed my dog, but I don't think that she missed us. She has been sad and mopey to be home. I think she misses her other family, with their dog and small child and farm.

So there it is in a nutshell, my summer vacation. I can't really say that I had a great time or even a relaxing time. Next year will have to be better. Maybe I will be back on the meds and it will be just wonderful!

Looking the part

Okay so I officially look pregnant. I have thought that I looked pregnant for a while now, but you know how some people just look fat and it leaves you wondering. Well people wonder no more about me. It looks like I swallowed a soccer ball! It almost happened overnight. One day I just looked pudgy them BAM, I began to look very much pregnant. I am carrying my baby very low, so my belly isn't propping up my boobs! I haven't gotten big enough to pop out my cute little belly button yet, but I have a feeling it won't be too much longer.
I can really feel the baby move now. My hubby got to feel him move while we were on vacation. It is such a wonderful feeling. He usually really starts moving after I eat and sit down to relax. We are talking and reading to the baby and playing music for him.

Now that we know what he is, we have to pick out the nursery theme. We have picked out some really cute ones that we like. I will let you know as soon as we decide.

I think I have finally gotten to the good part of my pregnancy. No more nausea!!!!!!!!!!!!

I'm back from vacation

Rest and relaxation...was not what I got on vacation. Instead I got stress and anxiety and SEVERELY sunburned feet, despite the gallon of sunscreen that I bathed myself in. I had a miserable time, probably because of the pain in my feet. I find it hard to relax and have fun when I am in excrutiating pain. Not to mention the fact that I am pregnant and moody didn't help the vacation at all. We arrived on Saturday and by Wednesday I was ready to come home. I will give you the details of all the fun things we did later! Just know that when I say that I am glad to be back, I really mean it.

Rest and relaxation

I am so excited. It is finally here, VACATION! We are leaving in the morning and will return on next Saturday. I will not have access to a computer or the internet while I am gone, so I will miss you all. I hope you will miss me too. I will be relaxing on the beach with a great book and my wonderful family. Have a great July 4th and an even better week.

Want to know what the baby is?

Well today was a monumental day in my pregnancy. I had my ultrasound this morning. My hubby and child were there, which was wonderful. I was so nervous. I started having bad anxiety last night about something being wrong with the baby. It was something that I had thought about before, but last night was worse. I cried during supper, and hubby assured me that nothing was wrong with the baby and even if it was we could handle it. We snuggled up and went to sleep last night, both of us anticipating today.

We had to take 2 cars because my doctor is in the town that I work in and I had to come to work after the appointment. Hubby of course works in the town that we live in so he had to go back there. I got to the office and he was already there with his child standing in the hall looking out the window waiting for me. I wanted to cry when I saw them there. Hormonal tears get the best of me sometimes. We went into the waiting room and waited for what seemed like an eternity, finally the Ultrasound technician came and got us and led us into the room.

It was a nice quiet, very dimly lit little room. It has been so long since I have seen an ultrasound I had forgotten what they really look like. She looked for a while and did some measurements and typed some stuff in and printed some pictures. Then she turned the screeen around so I could see it. It was magnificent! I could see my baby moving all around. Then she asked if we wanted to know what it was, very excitedly we answered her, "YES!" She isolated part of the anatomy and asked if we could tell what it was, immediately I could. IT'S A BOY!!!! I am so excited, I cried a little bit. I could have cried more, but I hate to be a blubbering mess. I have pictures and I have been showing everyone. My family is so excited, we have no boys, so mine will be the first. I can't believe that I am gonna have a son.

Eight legged hysteria

It was a very uneventful night last night, just snuggling on the sofa watching TV with my hubby. I guess it happened around 10 or 10:30. The dog needed to go outside, like she usually does, so I got up to let her out. I opened the door, attached her collar to her runner and closed the door. Nothing abnormal about that. All of a sudden something catches my eye, something on my shirt crawling! I started screaming and hitting myself and jumping around. My hubby was looking at me like I was crazy and screaming what's wrong, what's wrong. I knocked the crawly thing off my shirt and got a good look at the huge 8 legged arachid. I then proceeded to grab a shoe and beat the daylights out of it. When will spiders learn not to scare pregnant women? In all the commotion of trying to knock the thing off my shirt I scratched my face. I think I had a small heart attack. It scared the life out of me. Note to spiders and other creep crawlies: STAY THE HELL AWAY FROM ME! YOU SCARE ME AND I WILL KILL YOU IF I CAN! Maybe they read my blog and they will get the message.

Something is eatin' at me...

I feel like I really need to write something today so here goes. Being pregnant is such a wierd experience. It goes through so many phases. In the beginning I was so nauseated, yet I had to eat every 2 hours or I would feel worse. Now the nausea is gone and I am starving. I eat and a few minutes later I am hungry again. I was so hungry this morning that I ate my lunch of a honey roasted turkey and provolone cheese sandwich at 10:30 this morning. I normally start getting hungry around 11:00 or so and I go to lunch at 12:00 so most of the time I just wait it out, but this last week I have been so hungry. So anywho, I had errands to run today at lunch and on my way back to the office I went to the store and bought a pint of Strawberry ice cream, made with real strawberries, not just artificial flavoring. I got back to the office and ate a little bit of my ice cream and put the rest of it back in the freezer for a yummy afternoon snack. A co-worker called me after lunch to tell me that she had an extra baked potato left over from her lunch still wrapped in its little aluminum foil sleeve if I wanted it. So I gave in around 2:30 and ate the potato. It was a very big baked potato with lots of butter melted on it's yummy starchiness. I am staring at the remaining potato carcass thinking I could really have eaten 2 of them, if I had more butter I would eat the peel too. I think I need to get my ice cream out and finish it off, maybe that will satisfy my hungry stomach for a little while. I have been so proud of myself up until this point, trying to eat only healthy things and watching my weight gain, I have a feeling thatl if this keeps up I will be watching my weight gain alright. I need to go buy some grapes to keep at work so I can munch on them as I sit at my desk and work, ar at least pretend to.

We bought the farm...well not literally

Well it is official, hubby and I are now the proud owners of a four bedroom two and a half bath house on a three quarters of an acre double lot. We closed on the house yesterday. The best part about it is that we don't have to move. We have been living in the house since November of 03 and the owners decided that they wanted to sell it and we had first option to buy it. I love our house, it just feels like home. There is plenty of room for us to grow. Now we can paint and redecorate and take down the ugly blinds and have everything the way we want it. Ahh home ownership, it feels good.

Tuesday therapy session

Have you ever had something to do that you just keep putting off and never end up doing it. I do that so often that it makes me seem like a bad friend or family member. My mind is just filled with all things baby and our lack of finances that I have little room for other things. My family came to visit me 2 weekends ago, 2 of my sisters, my mom, and one of my neices. This is the first time that my oldest sister has been to my house, we moved into it in November 2003. Yeah I understand that it is an hour from her house and that she works and has three kids, don't get me wrong I do understand. Anyway, this sister and I were very close at one time in our lives. Many things have happened since then to drive a wedge between us and open my eyes to things that I had always just accepted. Since I moved away from my family and anyone who really knows me, I have learned to rely on my husband for many things. He is my best friend, my partner, my lover, he is the first one that I want to call when things happen, good or bad. For the first time in my life I am independent of my family and all their dysfunction and I must say it is nice. Anyway I get this call last Thursday at work, no less, from my oldest sister. She just doesn't know where she fits into my life, she doesn't feel like she knows me anymore, blah, blah, blah.Oh yeah and she was crying her eyes out. Now don't get me wrong, I have shed many tears for the lost relationship with my family, so don't think that I am just a cold hearted witch, because I am not. Anyway I was at work when she called and there are too many ears around most of the time for me to get into a heartfelt discussion with anyone on the phone, so I had to cut her short and let her go. I did not call her back that night or since then. It really pissed me off that she chose a day from hell to call me at work. I've told everyone that I cannot really have personal phone calls at work, most of the people in my life abide by that rule, trust me it isn't my rule, but I have gotten in trouble more than once about personal phone calls. I digress, I started writing her a letter that night, which I have started and stopped so many times that I don't even feel like writing it anymore. Why can't people just accept you the way you are and love you for it, instead of wanting you to be what they think you should be? The truth is that my sister doesn't know me anymore, she hasn't known me in some time. She hasn't taken the time to know the person that I have become, I have grown up tremendously over the past year and 1/2. How do you say the really hard things to someone that you love? I don't want to hurt her feelings, but I will never be the same person that I was 5 or 6 years ago. If she wants to feel close to me then she is going to have to take the effort to get to know me and establish that relationship with me. I think that this had turned into rambling, so I will end it now. Thanks for listening.